Big Ten 2010 // Keeping the Enemy Close - Nouveau Rival?
by Jonathan Franz on May 14, 2010 10:36 AM CDT
in Penn State
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PrintA number of Penn State fans requested that Friday's rivalry post be written by a Buckeye. Be careful what you wish for. Now, I won't be so brazen as to deny that for the past seventeen years Ohio State and Penn State have had something resembling a classic college football rivalry. There's geographic proximity, interstate allegiances, hotly contested showdowns, and enough bad blood to fill the Horseshoe to the brim. You've also been our biggest in conference stumbling block. Technically, that's not really saying much -- we have won the Big Ten outright three of the last four years, but nevertheless, competition is competition.
Penn State is sort of like the A.C. Slater character in the early years of Saved by the Bell. They're the new kid in the Big Ten conference, desperately trying to break into century-old cliques, and make a name for themselves. Can you really blame them for trying to associate with the in crowd?
The problem, of course, is that we've already got a rival. Yes I know: Michigan is terrible. The Wolverines are sort of like that co-worker you can't stand who had an alcohol problem and took a temporary leave of absence to go to rehab. The office is great without him around, but you also feel bad for his wife and kids. And, you know that he won't be gone forever and as soon as he comes back he'll continue to be a pain in the ass.
Just because Michigan is down doesn't mean you can take their place. Still, I can't blame you for trying. You do everything you can to get our attention. After we stole the number one recruit in the nation from your backyard, you circulated a picture of him hanging his head on the sidelines as a true freshman.
(I took the liberty of posting that photo to save you the trouble of having to do it in the comments section). Fail. Tehee...
You invented an idiom to mock said prized recruit's throwing motion. Arm punt. Lol...
Finally -- and most recently -- you stormed the Bastille that is the FanPosts section of this site to vote en mass for "The Buckeyes Suck" on a poll created by a reader to recruit writers for his Ohio State blog.
That'll show us.
Let me show you something. It's an empirical comparison of our two programs:
| Team | Ohio State | Penn State |
| Consensus All-Americans | 78 | 39 |
| Heisman Trophy Winners | 7 | 1 |
| Overall Program Wins | 819 | 811 |
| National Championships | 7 | 2 |
| Series Wins | 13 | 12 |
You see, the reality is that you are inferior to us in every meaningful category. At the end of the day it's not dramatic photographs, clever idioms, or online polls that make a program. It's results.
If you only take one thing from this article, let it be this: Ohio State > Penn State.
I'm starting to warm up to this nouveau rivalry thing.
This week...
MONDAY: Spring Field Guide
TUESDAY: Achilles Heel
WEDNESDAY: Greatest Strength
THURSDAY: MVP Profile
FRIDAY: Keeping the Enemy Close
***
More Big Ten 2010...
Indiana | Michigan | Illinois | Minnesota | Purdue | Michigan State | Northwestern | Wisconsin
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Hmmm, I guess I was expecting more?
Even though everyone loves Joe Pa, you could have made fun of him I guess. I expected at least one COME TO PENN SCHTATE!
No mention of being constantly beaten by Iowa.
Miley Cyrus singing tailgate fans? The constant soccer cheer eurogay chants?
In all fairness, it is pretty difficult to find negative things to say about Penn St.
To be fair
that wasn’t all JoePa faithful that voted in that poll.
Also, I don’t feel bad for Michigan’s wife and kids. I think it’s hilarious beyond belief that they spent a big chunk of 2008 living in their car.
But how do I make this post at least somewhat about Pwnd State.
hmmmmm.
oh, I know.
(59 missed. 1 didn’t)
Facts sometimes have a strange and bizarre power that makes their inherent truth seem unbelievable. - Werner Herzog
fine with being the AC Slater to your Zach Morris....
when Bayside plays Valley for Homecoming there’s only one man they call and it ain’t you preppie…Zach, incidentally, is probably selling tacky women’s fashion out of converted lockers. plus we have one advantage you will never have….we can dance! (<- insert “yeah but only to Miley Cyrus” rejoinder here)
hopes Maybin wipes his ass with some TP
by conquering lion in the 215 on May 14, 2010 11:13 AM CDT reply actions
no more Miley Cyrus comments
ever.
As if Party in the USA wasn’t bad enough, they remixed it with Biggie, the greatest rapper ever, no argument. Sigh.
You're mistaken
Tupac is the greatest rapper ever…
“Biggie, remember when I used to let you sleep on my couch
and beg the bitch to let you sleep in the house, ahh
Now its all about Versacci, you copied my style
Five shots couldn’t drop me, I took it, and smiled”
Fuck tOSU
Tupac's funeral
“Tupac Shakur’s body was cremated. Some of his ashes were later mixed with marijuana and smoked by members of Outlawz.” — This is awesome! I want this done when I die.
A futile crusade to prevent mass ignorance
HammerAndRails, SBNation's Boilermaker Blog
You can only have this performed
if you agree to be shot gangland-style first.
Less memorable than Sam Okey's Hawkeye career.
by Kyle McCann't on May 16, 2010 10:35 AM CDT up reply actions
I can't say I'm surprised
but the best line in the article is about Michigan. Should have let an Iowa guy write another one…
No Spartans were available to write this, I see...
Finally — and most recently — you stormed the Bastille that is the FanPosts section of this site to vote en mass for “The Buckeyes Suck”
This statement = epic win, not for “The Buckeyes Suck” (Which some people fools insist is a true statement) but for the Bastille reference. That alone clinched the article for me.
You managed to articulate your disdain for the Nittany Lions very well, Law Buckeye.
by OBrienSchofieldismyHero on May 14, 2010 11:52 AM CDT reply actions
It would have required a Sparty fan to know English.
"When it’s third-and-10, you can take the milk drinkers and I’ll take the whiskey drinkers every time" - Max McGee
by Run Up The Score on May 14, 2010 9:38 PM CDT up reply actions
Empirical comparison?
The only two non-subjective categories of that comparison are overall program wins and series wins, both of which are incredibly close. The only thing this comparison demonstrates is that Ohio State has historically gotten more love from the media than Penn State.
HATE FAIL
It gets a 2 out of 10 on the burn rating.
Being compared to AC Slater? I’m honored.
Indirectly detailing how we’ve been continuously screwed out of National Championships and Heisman trophies? We appreciate it.
Correctly identifying that Michigan sucks more than Penn State? Well done.
In effect, this post indicates not that we have rivals, but that we are the beloved ones in the conference. /blushes
At least you rose above characterizing co-championships in a consecutive streak
Still, attempts at pre-emptiveness are the real fail, for it’s really no trouble at all:
"So while while I may be douchy, I’m not rusty."
by jtothep on May 14, 2010 12:38 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
Quite Inneresting
I was fully preparing myself to see this article written by BamaHawkeye. Over at BSD, the posted something about their being a new rivalry between “us” and “them.” And while, O$U is certainly up there on the scale of dislike (#1 for me personally because of the fact that I live in the heart of Buckeye country. Sad face.) I know they are not a true rivalry. But then again, it’s pretty obvious that the O$U-Michigan rivalry is fueled more by Buckeyes than Wolverines. So we’re not the only ones trying to push a one-sided rivalry. I agree with the above three posts: There was not a lot of hate here, Jon, which makes me sad. And you really did prove that O$U really just gets more love from the media and the voting elements of college football, and that the competitive elements are very, very close. Does anyone have the photoshopped version of the Pryor pic that looks like a trophy? That’s the best ;)
Joe Paterno is my adopted grandfather.
Nittany Lion Love,
Meredith
by PaternosGranddaughter on May 14, 2010 12:44 PM CDT reply actions
I'm not sure what you're talking about...
One man doing the work of 100's for the good of 1000's
by rahpsu92 on May 14, 2010 12:53 PM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
I'm a little disappointed
All week, I was looking forward to seeing a Michigan State fan’s take on the Nittany Lions. After all, they play for the best rivalry trophy in the history of college football.
How's This?
Penn State- we don’t know a whole lot about you, even though you are our manufactured “rivals” according to the Big Ten muckety mucks. All we know is you tend to mercifully end our seasons on a regular basis, and occasionally our boys pull a win out of their ass.
I remember being the 1994 PSU squad as being the best college offense I’ve ever seen, and actually being pissed that they got jobbed out of the MNC that year……..that’s about the maximum level of respect I can give a “rival”
Looks like JoePa
is taking a Wolverine, and is going to wipe his Gopher with some Spartan.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their shoes.
Hate to break it to you, but...
A 13-12 record against us is not domination. Just because Rittenberg doesn’t know how to not rank you in the top spot in the conference if his job depended on it, doesn’t mean you’re shit doesn’t smell.
And hey, at least Penn State beats SEC teams.
Top spots belong to top teams
Have fun placing 4-5th in the B11 this year friend
Out of Hound since 2008
Cue the predictable response.
So, what it boils down to, is you guys have such an obsessive complex over the (lack of) rivalry that it dominates any discussion comparing the two teams simply because you feel you must stress that PSU is a 2nd tier school…or what?
The media is going to hate Penn State until Paterno is dug in because he gives them the metaphorical finger every press conference. Penn State fans try to talk real football, and the collective Buckeye group is too busy putting their fingers in their ears, closing their eyess and convincing themselves that it’s still 2003 after the Fiesta Bowl. Penn State fans would generally rather talk football; Ohio State fans would rather self fellate themselves.
Careful there, you have something on your chin.
Ok, here's a predicatable response...
Self-fellate themselves is redundant. Take it from an Ohio State fan, blaming the media fir everyhting just makes everyone hate you. The media doesn’t hate JoePa. No one does. The guy is adorable. The point is, you’re our (as a graduate, I’m allowed to use “our”) rival the same way the Tampa Bay (notDevil)Rays are the Yankees/Red Sox rival. You’ve just joined the league (amazing history before 1990 notwithstanding for PSU) and have had some success, so you’re attempting to match up to the big boys. The problem is, the big boys aren’t paying attention. I’ll address a previous post about the M*ch*gan rivalry while I’m at it, too. It matters to M*ch*gan fans as much, if not more, than it does to Buckeye fans. That whole “Michigan State is our bugger rival” is dookie. They say it when they lose, but when they win, it’s the most important thing in the world. Ask HBO; they did a whole documentary about it…
by Chicubs11636 on May 14, 2010 9:05 PM CDT up reply actions
You are right, the media doesn't "hate" Joe, but it is a quite tenuous relationship, especially locally.
Mainly because Joe doesn’t play games with the media and at pressers outright tells them that he doesn’t like them or really give a damn what they write or think.
On a national level, it certainly isn’t that bad, but having 4 unbeaten, untied teams snubbed from a NC certainly didn’t help the relationship. He certainly gets his due respect and slew of coaching awards, but seems to lack that buddy buddy feeling that the media loves/loved to throw at Bobby Bowden.
Black Shoes. Basic Blues. No Name. All Game.
God; Bobby Bowden...
That guy is the Foghorn Leghorn of college football. FreesShoes University vs. Linebacker U? How do people compare the two?? I do agree that PSU has gotten shafted a few times, but I think that had more to do with independent status that (for some inexplicable reason) people didn’t see as “on par” with Notre Dame (of all places).
by Chicubs11636 on May 14, 2010 11:57 PM CDT up reply actions
You all realize AC Slater accepted a wrestling scholarship to Iowa, right?
PWNED (STATE) AGAIN
by HeartOfHawkness on May 14, 2010 6:38 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
well, if we're talking about AC Slater
he may have accepted the scholarship to Iowa but he went to Cal with the rest of the gang.
"They say in Happy Valley that if God wasn’t a Penn State fan, why is the sky blue and white?" Fortt said. "Who am I to argue with God?"
Not quite enough hate going on in here, but I'll take it.
I expected more from a lawyer.
Black Shoes. Basic Blues. No Name. All Game.
Really?
Finally — and most recently — you stormed the Bastille that is the FanPosts section of this site to vote en mass for “The Buckeyes Suck” on a poll created by a reader to recruit writers for his Ohio State blog.
Did you have to do that? I was embarssed about it enough as it is..
I’m just joking, I thought it was funny seeing as I put it up mostly as a joke.
Visit Inside The Shoe
The Buckeye blog for every fan!
by Ian_InsideTheShoe on May 14, 2010 8:45 PM CDT reply actions
What do you mean?
Visit Inside The Shoe
The Buckeye blog for every fan!
by Ian_InsideTheShoe on May 17, 2010 3:57 PM CDT up reply actions
Apparently you left an italics tag open in your post.
Now everything from here on out will be in italics.
That is sooooo not funny - Maize N Brew Dave
The Wolverines are sort of like that co-worker you can’t stand who had an alcohol problem and took a temporary leave of absence to go to rehab. The office is great without him around, but you also feel bad for his wife and kids. And, you know that he won’t be gone forever and as soon as he comes back he’ll continue to be a pain in the ass
I have to say that this is a really excellent analogy for almost anything. The story alone made me laugh out loud.
Art Modell gives me a hard one
Soooooo in the entire history of our two programs
OSU has 40 more consensus All-Americans, 6 more Heisman winners, and 5 more National Championships….. but only 8 more total wins, and you are PWNING us 13-12?
I guess that proves something?
Speaking of objective criteria...
Let’s not forget that PSU has OSU beat in perfect seasons (7 to 5; since 1960, it’s 5 to 2), postseason wins (27 to 19) and postseason winning percentage (.667 to .463). By all objective (i.e. non-voting) measures, PSU and OSU are very close. OSU gets a very slight edge in prestige for being ahead on the all-time wins list—the one true measure of a program—by less than 1%.
That being said, PSU’s rivals are Pitt and Syracuse. We have no static rival in the conference. OSU is the default, since they’ve been the biggest target and provided the biggest wins over the past few years. But, when OSU falls off and another school rises, the fans’ focus will shift.
by newenglandnittanylion on May 16, 2010 6:04 PM CDT reply actions
dictionary entry for "rivals":
One who attempts to equal or surpass another, or who pursues the same object as another; a competitor.
Has Ohio State ever heard of Alabama and Tennessee, Notre Dame and Purdue, or even – GASP – Michigan and Michigan State? Does Ohio State realize that Alabama, ND, and UM are all willing to have – GASP – multiple rivals? Moreover, does Ohio State understand that despite more All-Americans, more conference titles, more punchdrunk legendary coaches, and gazillions more overrated linebackers, they only lead lowly, irrelevant Penn State by one game?
I won’t even bother to ask “Does Ohio State realize how stupid they look by pretending that they don’t care about Penn State?”
"I want your money, but I don't want your two cents." - JVP
by ReadingRambler on May 17, 2010 1:47 PM CDT reply actions 2 recs
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