I've become so conciliatory since I started this blog. It comes with the territory of arguing both sides and coldly analyzing games or issues. I've also taken numerous visits to Columbus, Ohio, to hang out with Law Buck. These trips involve cigars, football games, spending time with friends, and drinking, all things I enjoy. So where do I go to tap into my OSU hate? What well do I draw from? I can't make an "OSU Suckz LOL" argument because that's just my style. Anyways, I realize all the stereotypical reasons to hate Ohio State and I will mention each one. But my disinterest in The Ohio State University goes deeper than that. It's more of a philosophical issue, a matter of unfulfilled expectations. But first (give 'em what they really want), the following are some easy reasons to dislike OSU:
- The fans drape sex toys around their neck, sometimes a lot of them. O-H-I-OHHHHHHH yeah.
- These same fans act like their on ecstasy and feel up my car every time I'm in C-Bus.
- The alum's travel the world and desecrate historic sites by spelling letters with their arms.
Note 1: The Leaning Tower hates American football and isn't willingly participating in this family moment. Note 2: That first "O" is a square Dad - bend those arms.
- The ubiquity of O-H-I-O...and the intensity and pride which O-H-I-O chants are carried out. WOW. In the words of Mike and the Mechanics, "Say it loud, say it clear." And they do.
- THE Ohio State University. HEY...HEY...Did you not hear me? it's THE Ohio State University.
- The cornerpiece of OSU's national title run is in a halfway house in Columbus and blogged about his experiences in prison. Well, at least he didn't receive SUV's or have professors take exams for him. Because that would be a real crime.
- Your prize quarterback condones Michael Vick's actions.
- Your legislature, band, and fanbase have ruined Hang On Sloopy.
- Your fanbase has a fewwwww too many of these people. Warning, teeth optional. Favorite argument? "Michigan sucks." Original.
These reasons, although conveniently situated to inspire hatred, simply don't push my buttons to the limit. Most schools have disgraced high profile alumni, most schools have some idiot fans, most fan bases have violent elements.
But there's one thing that truly drives me to not feel especially warm about Buckeye football. As I mentioned before, I've spent some good weekends in Columbus. I've seen the band go across the field and the I get dotted. I've been there on Senior Day. I've been at parties where people found out I was the only Michigander and they sang "we don't give a damn about the whole state of Michigan" at full volume to me. And I gotta say...I just don't get it. None of this moves me. Call it sociological or regional bias, but I figured I would be semi-charmed by all these traditions and quirky behavior. Nope. It's just kind of grating.
So there's as much off-season, conciliatory-be-damned hate as I can dig up. I'm really a positive person, so forgive me for not delving into some "depths of my soul" hatred riff.