As every college football message board debater knows, winning football games is transitive.  In other words, if Team A beats Team B and Team B beats Team C, the fans of Team A are perfectly within their rights to talk trash to fans of Team C.  Obviously, Team A could have completely wiped the floor with Team C, they just didn't happen to play each other.  If Team D happens to lose to Team C, they are also deserving of as much scorn as possible.  Thus, one way of ranking teams simply counts how many teams' fans are permissible trash-talk targets (minus those in the reversed situation).  

1. Michigan State (#2 in the country)

Transitive Wins: 9 (Western Michigan, FAU, UAB, Troy, Bowling Green, Marshall, Notre Dame, Purdue, Ball State)

Transitive Losses: 0

Michigan State has the most acceptable targets as well as the longest chain (MSU beat FAU who beat UAB who beat Troy who beat Bowling Green who beat Marshall).  

2. Nebraska (#10t) 

Transitive Wins: 6 (Idaho, UNLV, Washington, Syracuse, Akron, Western Kentucky)

Transitive Losses: 0

3. Northwestern (#16t)

Transitive Wins: 5 (Rice, North Texas, Vanderbilt, Mississippi, Tulane)

Transitive Losses: 0

Northwestern fans have the bragging rights at all the nerd parties.  

4. Michigan (#21t)

Transitive Wins: 4 (Notre Dame, Purdue, Ball State, Connecticut)

Transitive Losses: 0

5t. Wisconsin (#26t)

Transitive Wins: 3 (Arizona State, UNLV, SJSU)

Transitive Losses: 0

No Wisconsin opponent has beaten anyone in FBS.

5t. Ohio State (#26t)

Transitive Wins: 3 Miami(FL), Marshall, Ohio

Transitive Losses: 0

OSU's opponents are also 0 for FBS.  

7t. Iowa (#42t)

Transitive Wins: 2 (Iowa State, Northern Illinois)

Transitive Losses: 1 (Arizona)

7t Indiana (#42t)

Transitive Wins: 1 (Western Kentucky)

Transitive Losses: 0

Indiana is also in the "undefeated, but no wins over any opponent with an FBS win" category.  

9t. Penn State (#51t)

Transitive Wins: 1 (Kent State)

Transitive Losses: 1 (Alabama)

Penn State has the "game of the week" against Temple which would be worth 4 transitive wins.  

9t. Illinois (#51t)

Transitive Wins: 1 (Northern Illinois)

Transitive Losses: 1 (Missouri)

9t. Minnesota (#51t)

Transitive Wins: 1 (Middle Tennessee State)

Transitive Losses: 1 (USC)

Minnesota is glad FCS games don't count here.  

12. Purdue (#77t)

Transitive Wins: 1 (Ball State)

Transitive Losses: 3 (Notre Dame, Michigan, Michigan State)

Purdue is the only Big Ten team with a net negative.