Finally, College Football has arrived. I'm not saying it's been out of commission or uninteresting or devoid of drama. I'm just saying, damn, there are approximately 10 games that could go any-the-shit-which-way this weekend.
Literally, 10 games. Or more.
Oh my god, are you ready for this?
/deep breathHEY LOOK MA IT'S NOON
You're goddamn right it's noon. And you've instantly get a B1G matchup that's going to show us whether Sparty can go 4-0 in a stretch where everyone predicted mmmmm 2-2 or 1-3. That's national news man. Pay close attention. Unfortunately, your attention is going to be split because of the Michigan-Purdue game, one of the many "meh" games that has taken on a life of its own. Will Michigan fall straight down into that pit of despair we thought they had already avoided by clinching a bowl berth? What about preseason 4-7...ish Purdue making a run?
By no means are we done. Northwestern has refused to play to its #strongpotential, which means they have practically the same record as Indiana. And Indiana might...uh...be the favorite here, even though Memorial Gives them about the same home field advantage as...being on the road.
WELL THANK GOD THAT'S OVER, NOW I CAN HAVE A LATE AFTERNOON NAP
Uh no. It will be literally impossible to watch the four games on at 3:30. What's even wilder? Almost every matchup features teams with close to identical records. If you love passing, why not watch Baylor versus Oklahoma State? If you love scoring, why not watch Baylor versus Oklahoma State? If you like defense, turn the channel dude, that one's going to kill you. But where shall I turn to?
How about Illinois-PSU? This game serves as a real good bellweather for both teams. PSU, who normally claims to be disrespected and hated on no matter the situation, can actually make that claim this year. No one is talking about PSU, figuring their success is due to a weakened B1G and because they haven't played their hardest B1G matchups yet. Our own analysts disrespected Silas Redd in the B1G running back of the year conversation. So I'll talk positively about the Nittany Lions...rightttt after they beat Illinois. And now it looks like the Big 12 is trying to save itself with West Virginia - Maybe. Celebrate the B12's salvation by watching another undefeated Big 12 team go down in flames at home? Oklahoma at KSU, here you are.
Bored? Angry that those three killer matchups haven't featured enough fast players? Well let me give you Florida-Georgia, the worlds biggest ______ (insert tired cliché about Southern folk there).
GOD I'M TIRED
Shut up. Three games to go. First up, an 8:00pm matchup between Pete Caroll and Jim Harbaugh - wait, what? Stanford disrespected USC badly two years ago, something Lane Kiffin has sworn to never ever forget because next to the definition of loyalty in the dictionary, there is a picture of Lane Kiffin.
Should be a great game though. Inspired USC can beat almost anyone in the nation.
Wisky-OSU, which looked like a 20 point blowout just three weeks ago, now just feels confusing. OSU's defense, at home, under the lights? CUE VOICE FROM THAT ONE COMMERCIAL - This Changes Everything.
I still say Wisky runs away with it. And if for some reason those games don't pan out as interesting, UNDEFEATED 8-0 Clemson takes on Georgia Tech on the road. You should probably watch this because "undefeated Clemson" is like Haley's Comet or sober Lindsay Lohan. Just...just don't see it happen much.
It's going to be one hell of a day. I love college football, I love the pageantry, I love the tailgating, and dammit, I love OTE. Enjoy your Saturday, I'll be enjoying a beer or five and watching ball until my eyes fall out.