Craig James Running For Senate Despite Having Possibly Killed All Those Hookers

by Christopher Gates on Dec 13, 2011 4:09 PM CST

I tried to do one of those whole "embed the Tweet" things, but it wouldn't let me.

Have at it, ladies and gentlemen!

And now, because it wouldn't let me do the embedding of said tweet, I need to make this 75 words long.

So, did Craig James really kill all those hookers? Until we have definitive proof that he did not, I think it's only reasonable to assume that he did. As with most of these sorts of things, your mileage may vary.

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I support Craig James for Senate!

What ever happened to innocent until proven guilty? Unless someone can definitively show that CRAIG JAMES KILLED FIVE HOOKERS AT SMU I must conclude that the allegation that CRAIG JAMES KILLED FIVE HOOKERS AT SMU is false and malicious. Furthermore, as someone who doesn’t live in Texas, I would feel much better about the safety of local sex workers if he were on the campaign trail for the next year.

by MountainTiger on Dec 13, 2011 6:08 PM CST reply actions 5 recs

There is no evidence that Craig James did not KILL FIVE HOOKERS.

But if he did KILL FIVE HOOKERS, well, then I’d say he’ll fit in just fine in Washington.

by TheHumbleBuckeye on Dec 13, 2011 6:18 PM CST reply actions

I reject your assertions at the most basic level.

The lack of evidence to the contrary does show James killed at least 5 hookers…
… because where there’s a lack of water, there’s fire….

I believe killing hookers makes James the candidate the most likely to expand the death penalty for minor violations that offend voter morality.,.. a stance that should propel him to an easy win in Texas!

Proud proponent of the 52 team Uber Conference

by ProveIt on Dec 13, 2011 6:43 PM CST reply actions

I think we found a method

From @UFGreekGirl:

I know what a dutch oven is, but what it’s called when you fart on a pillow and then smother someone to death with it? A Craig James?

Also, I bet Craig James & Rick Santorum are the only people in America who don’t google their own names.

by MSUDersh on Dec 13, 2011 6:58 PM CST reply actions

I think a 'Craig James' can only be

an unsolved hooker murder. BECAUSE HE DIDN’T DO IT. ALLEGEDLY. So the only way to make sure his names isn’t tied to those mysterious hooker murders at SMU while he was there is to refer to any death of any hooker anywhere as a ‘Craig James to further muddy the waters on THOSE MURDERS HE PROBABLY DIDN’T COMMIT.

"Go hard. I mean, like relentless. I want a bunch of coaches that coach like their hair’s on fire, and I want a football team that goes for four to six seconds (per play) with relentless effort." OSU Coach Urban Meyer.

The Daily Norseman
Off Tackle Empire
Follow @purplebuckeye

by Ted Glover on Dec 13, 2011 9:59 PM CST up reply actions

dude that's genius

Off Tackle Empire
The quintessential Big Ten smoking room.

by Graham Filler on Dec 15, 2011 1:20 PM CST up reply actions

Methinks this will not be a successful bid, based on Google results and suggestions.

by hoegher on Dec 13, 2011 7:43 PM CST reply actions

Oh my God, WHY WASN'T I INFORMED OF THIS!

That is the funniest thing I’ve seen ever!

"Hey Jay, what time is it?"
"9:30"
"AND IU STILL SUCKS!"

by Boiler Bandsman on Dec 15, 2011 3:57 PM CST up reply actions

This screen shot is real. LULZ!

by TheHumbleBuckeye on Dec 16, 2011 9:35 AM CST up reply actions

I'm actually shocked

by the order of those. EDSBS isn’t as all powerful as I thought.

"'Contrariwise,' continued Tweedledee, 'If it was so, it might be; and if it were so, it would be; as it isn't, it ain't. That's logic." - Lewis Caroll, Alice Through the Looking Glass

by chitownhawkeye on Dec 20, 2011 7:41 PM CST up reply actions

Actually, the wiki result is pretty generic.

The hooker one is the first one specific to Craig James who may have MURDERED 5 HOOKERS WHILE AT SMU.

"Hey Jay, what time is it?"
"9:30"
"AND IU STILL SUCKS!"

by Boiler Bandsman on Dec 22, 2011 2:56 PM CST up reply actions

I don't understand why James remains silent in the face of such allegations. These are serious charges.

Not just one hooker - I mean, we haven’t even begun to parse the fact that these are PROSTITUTES - but again, this is not just one hooker, but five - count them, one two three four five, FIVE hookers.

Further, the allegations say that all FIVE were found in the trunk of his car WHILE he was a player for SMU, that same SMU that was given the Death Penalty by the NCAA. Connection? Coincidence? I don’t know.

However, the fact that James refused to address the allegations and unconditionally refute the allegations is very suspicious and damning. It’s like a squad car comes to your house at 3 am one morning, but no explanation is ever given.

James has questions to answer and the people - nationally and in the great State of Texas -- are entitled to answers.

by WarBuck46410 on Dec 14, 2011 7:57 PM CST reply actions

Allow me to write James' opponents first campaign commercial.

Announcer: "Craig James does not deserve to be the Senator from the great State of Texas. The man cannot raise a son with courage and fortitude. How can we expect Craig James to stand tall for Texas?

Ominous Music; shaky video footage of dark room/electrical closet: Voiceover: "Craig James’ son, Adam James was allegedly forced to sit in a dark electrical closet for three hours by football coach Mike Leach. Adam was 22 years old.

“Adam James was not beaten, no bamboo shafts were placed under Adam’s fingernails, Adam was not molested, Adam was not touched in any manner, Adam was not waterboarded, Adam was not mentally abused, Adam was not emotionally abused, no one spoke Adam James while he was in this dark electrical closet for three hours.

“Yet, Craig James claims that his son was abused by Mike Leach. Craig James went on ESPN and claimed he and his family were the victims.

“Apparently, Craig James raised a girl instead of a football player.”

Video switches to obvious photoshop of Adam James in a dress with big sunglasses. Voiceover: chanting: “Adam is a girl. Adam is a girl. Adam is a girl.”

Voiceover: “If Craig James can’t raise his own son to with enough fortitude to stand alone in a dark closet for three hours, Craig James is not man enough to be the next Senator from the great State of Texas.”

Final video images: American flags waiving, some patriotic music playing and people chanting "helicopter dad, helicopter dad, helicopter dad, helicopter dad … " to fade out.

Then, his opponents should have hecklers follow Craig James around the State of Texas doing the Helicopter Dad dance.

by WarBuck46410 on Dec 14, 2011 8:12 PM CST reply actions 1 recs

allow me to write the second commercial.

Announcer: “Craig James wants to be your Senator. This is Craig James on tv”

15 seconds of Craig James doing his “good ole’boy giggle” while hiding the sausage with Jesse Palmer. If you have listened to CJ do an ESPN game, at least three times, to so inane attempt at a joke, he’ll do that horrible “heee heh heee” good ole boy laugh of his. Do that about 10 times for 15 seconds of a commercial.

Final voiceover: “Is this really the man you want to represent the great State of Texas in the United States Senate?”

15 second so James’ good-ole-boy giggle repeated over and over again will kill his campaign.

by WarBuck46410 on Dec 14, 2011 8:21 PM CST up reply actions