2011 Closing Arguments - Minnesota
by JDMill on Aug 20, 2011 5:00 AM CDT
in Minnesota
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"Bud Grant? Tony Dungy?... Jiminy Christmas, I get to be a part of this?" - Jerry Kill
I. Case History/Opening Statement
A. Case History
I'll admit, I liked what Tim Brewster had to say when he joined the University of Minnesota has head football coach. Boy was I wrong. The Tim Brewster experiment turned out to be a complete joke, making the Gophers the laughing stock of the B1G (apologies to Indiana). Brewster came into Minnesota, found what he deemed to be a mess, and essentially created a snake-oil salesman mess of his own.
By the third game of the 2010 season, Minnesota fans had seen enough. By the seventh game of the season, so had Athletic Director Joel Maturi, who went on to promise a Tubby Smith-like hire in the wake of the mistake he made with Brewster. Promises this... Al Golden that... enter Jerry Kill.
B. Opening Statement
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury... your skepticism is justified. This Gopher football program, it was a mess. Even Tony Hayward would have had to admit it. And THAT'S a guy that knows a mess.
And guess what? I wasn't happy about the Jerry Kill hire at first either. Not splashy enough. But Jerry Kill is kind of like warm bread pudding. Bread pudding really isn't much to look at, it's got a bit of an odd texture to it, but bread pudding will surprise you in the end. It's a good, solid, All-American type of dessert that just simply delivers.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury... I believe Jerry Kill can deliver.
II. Discovery
A. What We Can Learn From Pop Culture
All of us lonley / It ain't a sin / to want something better / than the shape you're in
The rain came at the break of day / you're light in the windowpane / said come on in
It's a broken heart babe / I know the sound / feels like your hands are nailed to the ground
But it'll pass / just like everything else / you won't let it get to me / the next time around
It's a hard earned Victory / the life that came from you to me / can never be wrong
Grown from a moment / and a million miles / here lies the stardust / and it slowly dies
Borrowed from nothing / to come back half alive
And the stars they whisper blessings / as you walk by
III. Emotional Plea
Jerry Kill is not afraid. Jerry Kill beat cancer. You don't want to cheer for the Gophers? Fine. But you should at least cheer for Jerry Kill. It would be un-American not to. I bet even Ricky Stanzi appreciates Jerry Kill.
Things are going to be ugly at times. There is going to be some confusion. There's going to be mistakes, sometimes glaring, that could lead to lopsided games. Those things are going to happen on the field.
They will not be happening on the sidelines or in the pressbox.
Jerry Kill and his staff will not be confused. There is never going to be a time when they don't know what happened. There will never be a time when Kill is standing on the sideline with his arms folded, looking up at The Bank scoreboard looking perplexed and over-matched.
This is not the most talented team in the B1G. This is not the most experienced team. This is not the deepest team. But this team will absolutely be prepared. They will know what is expected of them, and they will know the wrath that is coming to them if these expectations are not met. The most talented player on the team, MarQueis Gray, will absolutely know that if he doesn't deliver, there is a spot on the bench for him, and Jerry Kill will be happy to show him to it.
IV. Verdict
A. The Staff Calls the Games
The OTE Staff, in our infinite wisdom, foresees an overall average of 3.9 wins and 8.1 losses for the Gophers, and a conference average of 1.3 wins and 6.6 losses. You may also find it interesting that the OTE staffer who is most bearish on the Gophers is not me, but Ted Glover, who predicts a 7-5 season, and a .500 record in the B1G for the Gophers.
Bama Hawkeye 3-9 (1-7 B1G) with wins over NM St, ND St, and Illinois
Ted Glover 7-5 (4-4 B1G) with losses to Nebraska, MSU, Wisconsin, and Northwestern
Jonathan Franz 4-8 (1-7 B1G) with wins over New Mexico State, Miami (OH), North Dakota State, and Purdue
Chadnudj 5-7 (2-6 B1G) with losses to USC, Nebraska, Iowa, Michigan State, Wisconsin, and Northwestern
MSULaxer27 4-8 (1-7 B1G) with losses to MSU, Iowa, NU-L, NU, UM, UW, Ill, and USC
Ricardo Efendi 3-9 (1-7 B1G) with losses to USC, Miami (OH), Michigan, Purdue, Nebraska, Iowa, Michigan State, Wisconsin, and Northwestern
Paterno Avenue 4-8 (1-7 B1G) with losses to USC, Mich, Purdue, Nebraska, Iowa, MSU, Wisc, and Illinois
Kennard Husker 2-10 (0-8 B1G) with wins over NM St and ND St
Hilary Lee 3-9 (1-7 B1G) with losses to USC, MiamiOH, Michigan, Purdue, Nebraska, Iowa, MSU, Wisconsin, and Northwestern
JDMill 5-7 (2-6 B1G) with wins over NMexSt, Miami (OH), NDakSt, Pur, and Ill
Graham Filler 3-9 (1-7 B1G) with losses to USC, Miami, Mich, Purdue, Neb, Iowa, MSU, Wisky, and NW
STAFF COMBINED AVERAGE: 4-8 (1-7 conference)
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I grew up and followed the Gophers for most of my life
And until this year I was never excited about Gopher football. I am excited for Gopher football. Great stadium, great coach, soon to be a good team.
And when the Gophers are bowling, you all owe me a beer.
This is like O. Henry and Alanis Morrisette had a baby and named it "this exact situation"--Sterling Archer
by Ted Glover on Aug 20, 2011 8:33 AM CDT via mobile reply actions 1 recs
I was literally thinking the same thing, Ted.
Well-put. I’m excited for them to come to Evanston to see what kind of team they’ve evolved into.
by MNWildcat on Aug 20, 2011 9:08 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
Mikjones24
= hyperbolic poster who secretly fears Kill’s competence.
amiright? :)
This is like O. Henry and Alanis Morrisette had a baby and named it "this exact situation"--Sterling Archer
by Ted Glover on Aug 20, 2011 10:44 AM CDT up reply actions 1 recs
This may be true
I don’t doubt Kill’s competence. He seems like a very good coach who made a lot of cute programs good. Then again, so did Brian Kelly.
Ted's a wee bit insane though...and that's not good
What is there to get excited about in Mini? The schedule is really difficult, even the OOC schedule is hard. The defense will be inexperienced, the offense unproven under a new OC.
Off Tackle Empire
The quintessential Big Ten smoking room.
by Graham Filler on Aug 20, 2011 11:48 AM CDT up reply actions
A little insanity is good
For the soul
This is like O. Henry and Alanis Morrisette had a baby and named it "this exact situation"--Sterling Archer
by Ted Glover on Aug 20, 2011 12:21 PM CDT via mobile up reply actions 1 recs
Graham the Defense actually is very experienced...
And Minnesota will field on of the Big Ten’s top linebacking units. The only real inexperience is largely at Defensive End (and Strong Safety).
Also Graham
You seen MarQueis Gray? Guy is 6’4 240, runs a sub 4.5 and is quick as lightning. He trucks LBs (ask Iowa). ’
MarQueis Gray was born to run the mid-line option out of the pistol formation. With Jerry Kill he will have that opportunity.
I suspect the reason you're excited for Gopher football...
… is that the Vikings are going to be playing for 2012 by week 5.
by Jason Hirschhorn on Aug 20, 2011 4:38 PM CDT up reply actions
Love the prediction Ted.
What people don’t realize is that
1) Tim Brewster recruited talent, he just didn’t develop it
2) The Big Ten is down this year. That means a disciplined mediocre team like the Gophers could squeak out 3-4 conference wins
Purdue and Michigan are both bad. If the Gophers are gonna have any chance at a Bowl Game they gotta win one of those first two road games.
Kill's hire is such a win-win for him and the school he even looks just like the mascot.
Brewster’s fail set the bar fairly low for Kill. I expect decent things from his football teams despite the fanbase. But seriously, Kill was a good hire and should do well. Kill v Hoke will be an interesting chess game.
Damn time – hurry up! Need CFB to start!!
"GO HAWKS!" - only cure for Hawkeye Envy
I say 4-8
I think they will get a win over one big ten team, but i dont know who, probably purdue
"Your spelling and grammar errors belie a seriously skilled thought process"- therealCatnuts
by justsomehawkeyefan on Aug 20, 2011 3:45 PM CDT reply actions
I also think that thinking Minny goes 4-4 in the Big Ten
should earn Ted an all expense paid trip to the crazy house
"Your spelling and grammar errors belie a seriously skilled thought process"- therealCatnuts
by justsomehawkeyefan on Aug 20, 2011 3:46 PM CDT up reply actions
3 wins
just seems too low. Granted, I’m biased, but I just think one or two upsets is inevitable. Hell, we beat Iowa last year with a scab coach and a less talented team. Granted, you could predict a NM State or Dakota upset, but I think Kill is a better coach than that.
I’m going with 5 wins. But this requires Marquis Gray being a capable QB, and that’s unclear at this point.
football shaped locker rooms.
the defense rests.
/ahlibobwa’d
HELP IS ON THE WAY
~Banned at ATO since June 3rd, 2011, 2ish PM PST
by SouthBayBuckeye on Aug 22, 2011 4:44 PM CDT reply actions 1 recs
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