Helpful Talking Points When Downplaying Michigan's Victory Over Notre Dame

Sure, the Wolverines won the game of the year and people are using terms like "favorable schedule" or "big defensive stops" or "8+ wins." But what's more important than the excitement of some B1G fans and Michigan supporters? Hating on them, naturally. Here are some helpful talking points to pull out when anyone (our resident Bowl expert included) tries getting excited about the 2011 Michigan Wolverines and their recent victory over the Notre Dame Fighting Irish.

Denard Robinson

11-24 with three interceptions. That's a stat line expected from a third string quarterback who I have to leave in because the first stringer is mortally wounded and his backup concussed.

It's like watching a less talented Joshua Cribbs run a Pro-Form offense. Nasty.

No Heisman discussion please. No All-B1G discussion please. No NFL-flex player discussion. He's a one-trick pony who's going to break down like a 1985 Yugo.

Types of throws Denard can make: Fade against single coverage.

Types of throws Denard cannot make: Screen pass. Slant. Short sideline out route. Deep sideline out route. Any throw down the middle of the field.

All those touchdowns he threw? All thanks to great wide receiver play and horrendous coverage.

All those interceptions he threw? All thanks due to his inability to read defenses or put any touch on the ball.

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We do all the work and Denard gets the pub?

The Defense

Remember all those short yardage stops? Anyone can stop a simple dive, you idiots. A single late-game bootleg from the ridiculously conservative ND playcalling and the game is over.

Notre Dame's offensive stat line: 513 yards, 28 first downs, 31 points, eight plays over 20 yards...How is that improvement in any way?

The best Michigan defense was really the turnover-prone Notre Dame offense.

You constantly blitz to compensate for the still horrendous defense and lack of pressure on the quarterback.

...

The Offense

New Pro-Form offense is dysfunctional and not really that much different than what Coach Rod was doing. And how did that work out in 2010? That's what I thought.

Players in the offense are far too skinny to hold up to the B1G pounding. Will probably all be injured by next week.

Circus catches are made when execution is less than great and something goes wrong. Since the Wolverines made four circus catches, a ton of shit must have been going wrong.

Denard hurt? No Tate to play hero anymore. It must be hard to spend every single damn snap on pins and needles about Denard's health, knowing Michigan's season is one injury away from being a 4-8 team.

...

Miscellaneous

Brady Hoke is still overweight. Probable heart problems will keep the coaching staff and team from reaching full potential.

The crowd was waving pom-poms, creating a maize fluttering effect. I mean I guess that's home-field advantage..if you're afraid of epileptic banana peels.

Congratulations Michigan, you've won the Week Two National Championship! You get a free appetizer at Outback Steakhouse...in Charleston, WV. Good luck with that.

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