It's Not You... It's Me

Listen, B1G... we need to talk. Oh please don't get all emotional. I promise this is just as hard for me as it is for you. Really.

We've been together a long time, you and I. I still remember the time we met. A crisp fall day near Lake Mendota. The smell of bratwurst and slightly stale beer in the air. The way the early afternoon light glinted off your sousaphone when you dotted the "i"... well I knew you were something special and I was falling hard.

Don't get me wrong... we've had some great times over the years. Our annual trip to California to see your west coast family is always fun. And remember that vacation we took to Arizona in 2003? That was pretty special. And even when the air turned frigid we sure had some good times down at Assembly Hall, didn't we?

But... well... lately I just don't know. Things haven't been the same.

I've always been there for you... even when everyone else said that I was wasting my time. That I really should find a nice southerner to light up my living room. But I knew they were wrong. I knew that a southerner would seem all nice. At least until a younger, better edition of me came along. Then I'd be dropped faster than a one loss team from the MNC discussion. I knew you would never do that to me, though. No, you had principles.

So I stuck it out with you. And I was there for you even when you did some strange things. I wasn't really sure how to feel when you said you wanted to bring another into our relationship... and your sudden obsession with corn was, frankly, a little disturbing. And, yeah, I was a little nervous when you said you wanted to start televising everything we did. But I admit that really has worked out for the most part.

But now I feel like I'm doing all of the work. Oh, I know you've had a rough year. Your knees are still bothering you (have you considered taking a multivitamin?) And the actions by some of your family members were... downright troubling. Still, it really seems like you've let yourself go. Like you've let the win, fight, try out of the relationship.

No, please don't protest. I know, I know... it's true you are better than some other options. But, honey, that girl down the street you're comparing yourself to is from Kalamazoo. And she's really a one trick pony. It's not a high bar to hurdle.

Listen, I'm not ready to throw in the towel yet. We've shared too much for me to just give up on you like that. But... there need to be some changes. I can't go on like this. And I think I need a little space. Maybe until the spring. I hope you understand.