Let's be honest. Two of the easiest columns to write (and get feedback from your readers) are 1) the power rankings column and 2) the pop culture comparison column. Much like that magical day when somebody got their peanut butter on my chocolate (or did I get my chocolate in her peanut butter?), it was predestined that one day these two great columns would be brought together...
Halloween has seemingly become the most popular holiday in the United States next to Christmas, and has spawned almost as many movies, if not more. Much like Halloween, the Conference Of Our Fathers has been largely a scary movie this year--there's been some tension, some unexpected early deaths, and a few massacres here and there.
So in honor of the holiday and the overall season the B1G is having, horror movies is the logical theme of the week. There might be some bleed over (bleed, get it?) into another genre or two, like sci-fi or psychological thriller, but the overall theme of all these movies are scary, tense, and at least one or more scenes where you leave the lights on. Except 11 and 12, where you'll just laugh. There are so many movies I could've used but didn't, I have a feeling that the commentariat will have some instant classics in the comment section that will make my picks look about as weak as the 'fighting' Illini.
And from all of us here at OTE, have a safe an Happy Halloween. If you have little ones, may they get a bounty of treats, and may they have a safe and fun trick or treating. If you were or are in the path of what's left of Sandy, I hope you're all safe and well.
For the week, we had nine of the writers participating. Enjoy the Power Poll...NOW!
1. Ohio State (9 First Place Votes), 108 Points: The Exorcist
I'm in my 40's and this movie, especially the soundtrack, still scares the hell out of me. I still get goosebumps when I hear that theme. //shivers// It's also based on a true story and it had some of the scariest scenes in movie history, much like Braxton Miller makes some of the scariest runs on B1G defenses. If you're the opponent you wet your pants, and apparently, you can't beat them. Just jump out of a window and end it.
2. Nebraska, 99 points: Children of the Corn
Hmmm...a demonic entity, probably L'il Red (have you looked...really LOOKED...into those Soulless, Godless eyes HAVEYOUHAVEYOUDON'TLOOKITSMESMERIZINGAAAAAHHHHH) brainwashes Nebraskans into believing they are the chosen ones and to show no mercy to those that come to their town.
t3. Michigan, 83 points: Nosferatu
Back in the 1920's, this was the premiere horror movie, and is still a cinematic classic that can stand up to most competition. But as a silent picture, it's painfully one dimensional, and you quickly realize that although visuals are nice, sound adds something to a movie that can't be overstated enough. Much like Denard Robinson to the Michigan offense.
t3. Penn State, 83 Points: The Shining
Exiled and alone with nothing but his thoughts and his family, caretaker Jack Torrance wanders a massive facility, cut off from the rest of the world. He sees ghosts of the past, from better times, while slowly going insane. He tries to kill his wife and son, but he dies in a snowbank during a blizzard, or 'whiteout'.
5. Northwestern, 72 Points: Amityville Horror
Big house, owned by a rich family, and the promise of one of the best horror stories to come down the pike in awhile. It turned out to be a more fiction than fact, and it's lead to a ton of lawsuits charging, among other things, fraud. Much like Northwestern's B1G title chances. But also like Northwestern, it was an entertaining movie, just not as good as we thought going in.
6. Wisconsin, 62 Points: When A Stranger Calls (1979 version)
I snuck into this R-rated movie when I was a kid, because I wanted to have the shit scared out of me. I didn't. There were a couple of highlights, but for the most part, this movie had a lot of hype, a lot of build up, and ended up being a tremendous disappointment. The card says you should check on the children, brah.
7. Michigan State, 60 Points: Psycho
Norman Bates is obsessed with getting out from under the shadow of his overbearing mother...which rhymes with LITTLE BROTHER OHMYGOD. It eventually consumes him and he gets caught, but not before he knocks off a couple of supposed conference beauty queens that really weren't all that.
t8.Minnesota, 39 Points: The Changeling
A solid, no nonsense horror movie. I went in to it thinking it would be absolutely terrible, but it was a surprisingly good movie. Not a lot of special effects, but just a good story that keeps you entertained...with a couple of gruesome losses in the middle. (No kidding and Power Poll aside, I really loved this movie. One scene absolutely scared the shit out of me when I first watched it. Check it out if you get the chance sometime).
t8. Iowa, 39 Points: Pet Sematary
You ever have a favorite book that when you heard was going to be made in to a film you thought 'YEAH, WOO!!!!'? And then when the movie came out and you went to see it, it was so painful to watch you got up and left halfway through it? That's Pet Sematary the movie and 2012 Iowa football. This season can't be buried fast enough for Hawkeye fans...let's hope it doesn't come back as a zombie-like, murderous toddler that will haunt us all for years.
10. Indiana, 28 Points: The Blair Witch Project
Woefully underfunded, it was a generally bad movie that had some high points that were original and entertaining. You walked out of the movie theater thinking that next time, if they get some money and better actors, things could look up. There's no guarantee, but it's a start.
11. Purdue, 19 Points: The Gingerdead Man
Gary Busey plays a serial killer who's cremated ashes are reincarnated as a homicidal Gingerbread man. Let me say that again so it sinks in--Gary Busey plays a homicidal Gingerbread man. If that's not peanut butter meeting chocolate, I don't know what is. Two things about that--it's definitely the best documented recovery of the worst ACL injury ever (seriously, they were both incinerated, fergodsakes) and the Gingerdead Man looks like he's wearing the Purdue alternate home uniform throughout the movie. Finally, if Hollywood ever makes a movie of Danny Hope's life, you know and I know Gary Busey would be PERFECT for the role.
12. Illinois, 10 Points: Monsturd
A serial killer is chemically transformed into the biggest living, breathing pile of shit walking the earth. That, ladies and gentlemen, is the most perfect word and tagline describing Illinois football on the entire Internet right now.
//drops mic, walks off