Matt Cashore-USA TODAY Sports
I thought about starting things off with talk about Lance Armstrong, and then I thought about moving towards jokes about how Deadspin has just made Oprah's shitlist for taking away ratings and thunder. But those things are not nearly as much fun as the following list of things that are more real than Lennay Kekua:
- The Loch Ness Monster: While Nessie might be as fictitious as Lennay Kekua was, there are at least many more confirmed sightings of her with much better video proof and pictures. Additionally, Nessie's pictures have not been confirmed to be that of Godzilla, stripped right from his facebook page.
- UFO's: According to an IB Times article this year, there have already been multiple sightings of Unidentified Flying Objects proving life outside of earth. While these are definitely subject to a bit of judgement calls on what exactly this all means, there are definitely at least more signs pointing towards UFO's than there are signs that Lennay Kekua existed and met with Manti Te'o on multiple occasions.
- Jack Swarbrick Using the Term 'Catfished' on Live TV: I can see it now, Jack Swarbrick sits in his office flustered to no end. He has lost the NCG, he almost has lost his Coach, and there is a pile of 'DESTROY THESE FILES' on his desk. As he flips through another folder titled MTV, he shakes his head and angrily laments the days when kids weren't corrupted by the dirty television and ROCK AND ROLL MUSIC of the devil. I promise that seeing Swarbrick try to blame this on a generation run amok is one of the funniest things we never saw coming.
- As Chad pointed out, Lizzy Seeberg committed suicide after bullying and intimidation after she was raped by a football player at Notre Dame with less fanfare and news coverage than this and it was swept under the rug by major media, school administrators, and the entire Notre Dame family: This really happened people. I understand that it's entirely too much fun to let this spiral out of control and for the outrage to reach fever pitch, as well it should, but let's not allow major media to lead the charge in the same way they have controlled the stories to this point. If there has ever been a time for 'New Media' to make a point, it's now.
- Illinois will be playing their Spring Football game under the lights... on a Friday night... like a high school team. All together now: ILLINOIS CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS.
- New Illinois OC Bill Culbit promises 'Downhill Running' and 'Quick Passing' which are nice things. We all know how nice things turn out for the Illini.
- Indiana Basketball lost to Wisconsin. This is a much bigger deal than football related stuff and here are all the things they did wrong and need to fix.
- Following Iowa football recruiting/depth/coaching might be the most frustrating thing on earth. Glad I don't have to do that every day.
- Another look back at Chris Street from the QC Times. I didn't know much about his story, but he really seemed to make an impression in his short life.
- So Trey Burke doesn't want to make mistakes against Minnesota. I like that plan.
- Also, incoming OL Dan Samuelson thinks Michigan might be able to be like Alabama... Interesting.
- Nothing shows contrition for your misdeeds like playing tough in twenty minutes against Penn State basketball, right?
- On that note, the fact that there was a fight between two Spartan players, Payne and Dawson, and none of us really care because of other stories is just a testament to how ridiculous the other stories were, right? I promise yesterday and today is the best day to drop some sort of bomb on the sports world. It's totally going to fall through the cracks.
- I know this is hockey and we don't have a hockey league yet, but I'm still posting it because good for MSU getting people to watch hockey. It's a good sport.
- The Golden Gophers need to step up on defense to beat Michigan tonight.
- Remember when AJ Barker wrote an incredibly crazy tumblr entry and ripped on Kill? Well, he just got busted on Marijuana possession, so there's that...
- Nebrasketball got beat again after coming back and playing tough through adversity... this is becoming a trend.
- Nebraska LB Sean Fischer is going to go to Med School instead of pursue a sixth year of eligibility. This is a no-brainer and I'm happy for him. Good luck with all that.
- Something about rivalries and Northwestern Basketball and five reasons to watch the Illinois-Northwestern basketball game.
- Northwestern really is Chicago's Big Ten Team, WGN radio said so!
- So guess what everyone, apparently Chip Kelly leaving Oregon helps Urban Meyer recruit more kids... awesome.
- It's interesting to see the psyche change in kids when they become 'bench' players. Looks like it's moving in the right direction for Evan Ravenel.
- Speaking of basketball moral victories, Penn State might be rivaling Nebraska in that category. So uh, good for them?
- So Brian De Palma and Al Pacino are going to really do the Scarface treatment for Paterno. Someone needs to GIF this up.
- Purdue beat Nebraska in basketball and despite trying really hard to lose the game, pulled it out.
- Purdue Engineers are trying to make football safer for everyone.
- Wisconsin beat Indiana. While surprising, maybe it shouldn't be.
- New OL Coach T.J. Woods is excited to be a part of Wisconsin and realizes the responsibility he has.
I'm 59 years old. I don't care about these technology pets they have.
This man would kindly ask that you GET OFF HIS LAWN!!!