B1G Power Poll 2013 Week 9: Monsters and Slashers and HALLOWEEN Edition

Ethan Miller

Let's be honest. Two of the easiest columns to write (and get feedback from your readers) are 1) the power rankings column and 2) the pop culture comparison column. Much like that magical day when somebody got their peanut butter on my chocolate (or did I get my chocolate in her peanut butter?), it was predestined that one day these two great columns would be brought together...

Tomorrow is Halloween, and since nothing says Halloween better than terrifying movie slashers and monsters, that's where we're going today.

There were 14 voters this week. It is worth noting that Purdue, for the first time since week 2, did not receive unanimous last place votes. So that's something. Points are 12 for 1st, 11 for 2nd, 10 for 3rd, etc.

1. Ohio State - Leatherface - 168 Points (14 First Place Votes)

You're perfectly content feasting on the rest of the B1G right now, and while you don't exactly always look pretty doing it, you're like I described yesterday - a MURDERDEATHKILL Machine to the nth degree. What you did to Penn State was horrifying and sent a chill up the spine of the rest of your opponents. I'm sure you're capable of being killed, but as of right now it seems like there is no one competent enough around to do it.

2. MSU - Michael Myers - 149

You are a little scarred from your childhood, you know - being the little brother and all, but that's okay. It's fueling your recent murderfest through the townspeople. With a newfound sense of offensive murdering weapons, and a defense that allows you to never be killed, you have firmly entrenched yourself in the driver's seat towards Indianapolis.

3. Wisconsin - Freddy Krueger - 124

You are racking up a decent kill count yourself these days, and while it seems like you have been killed twice to date, you keep coming back a little bit stronger and a little bit scarier. You have a vicious attack - claws/running game... uh, same thing? - and it seems like every time we see you, it's the same thing we've seen before. Can you sneak into Indianapolis, or better yet, Pasadena? Just have to keep on murdering those teams in front of you, but your buddies might do you a solid. Only question that remains is which Freddy will we see: the unkillable nightmare against what has been admittedly outmatched teams or the legitimately vulnerable real life Freddy who is no less scary but at least able to be killed?

4. Michigan - Dracula - 124

You're the ultimate classic Monster who probably reached its heights a while ago. Lucky for you, Vampires are kind of a thing again and so are you. You've been slowly draining the blood from your victims this season and while nobody really sees you as a scary slasher like some of the guys ahead of you in this poll, you've probably killed more than all of them combined. Right now you're just a bat minding its own business, but before anyone knows it, you might be the crazy bloodsucking monster we know you for. You're chance to reclaim fame starts Saturday.

5. Iowa - Chucky - 114

We all thought you were a fragile little doll. Heck, we at least thought you were a relic of an old age and our goal was to let you sit on the shelf and rot. Then you went scorched earth on us on defense, got a nasty streak, ran a Psycho defense, and made us question what has actually possessed the body of Kirk Ferentz. You're still not killing pretty at this point, but you scare pretty much all of us. With a strong gameplan that is built to get better in the Winter months, you could be the guy nobody wants to see in an empty hallway.

6. Minnesota - Jason Voorhees - 97

You just murdered two of the favorites in your division by absolutely slashing them up the gut. In what has been a similar origin story to pretty much all of the other slasher guys, you were abused early in the season, but things are looking up and you've got yourself a nice little kill streak. Is this a sign that you're back from the dead and ready to wreak havoc on the rest of the B1G? Perhaps, but there's also a chance that you're just a crazy guy with a hockey mask. I suppose these things don't have to be mutually exclusive.

7. Nebraska - He Who Walks Behind the Rows - 78

You're pretty consistent year-to-year, if not movie-to-direct-to-dvd-movie, in that you always manage to slay a few others at the beginning, middle, and end of the plot. Unfortunately, we all know how it ends. Some halfwit manages to set you on fire, or kill whoever you've possessed, or undermine your obviously flawed scheme. Sure, you're still worshiped by whatever small town in Nebraska may remember you, but more often than not, you're not nearly as effective as the others on this list. And yes, I made the obvious Children of the Corn comparison. DEAL WITH IT!

t8. Penn State - Wolfman - 62

So you die a horrible death at the end, so there's that. Similar to your friend right below (who you share quite a few characteristics with as a whole in general) you start out looking like you could do a lot of damage, but in the end you're bludgeoned to death at the hands of your father no less (I suppose that could be construed as something metaphoric... I'm gonna prefer to think of it as what Ohio State just did on Saturday). I don't know if I really have any more comparisons except to say that you are at least one of the classic monsters, so you've got that going for you. That name brand should be able to turn things around soon.

t8. Northwestern - Frankenstein's Monster - 62

You're intelligent, probably misrepresented, an underdog, and ultimately kind of a joke now. You started out as a scary experiment to see if really smart people could create an unbeatable football team. A bunch of losses later, you're still a potentially scary - and smart - monster, but one that has been seen for what it is, that is, nothing more than a sympathetic character that we all feel bad for. Does that mean we should take you for granted? Nope. That would be dumb, but you're also probably not going to rank that high in the near future either.

10. Indiana - Ghostface - 51

A couple of things here. 1) You're a killer in that you kill people. We're not sure if we're ever super impressed with you and as a relative newcomer to this list, we're just kind of in a 'wait and see' approach with if you're scary with that mask on or if we're more excited about the window dressing - that offense is pretty fun to watch - than the actual product - that defense is awful to watch. 2) The Scream 2 soundtrack is amazing and I will fight whoever says otherwise.

11. Illinois - Those Goblin things in Troll 2 - 27

For a moment, we were pretty sure you might be able to have a nice thing, then we realized that your title is something about Trolls despite you really being about Goblins and something about vegetables and... Well, let's just all agree that this season is turning into about as big a tire fire as Troll 2. At least we keep the meme rolling, right! Oh, and you got a last place vote this week, so congratulations on that!

12. Purdue - Dumb Teenager (Every Slasher Flick Ever) - 15

You die terrible deaths because you are either incredibly ill-prepared for what is coming or just that stupid to think you can outrun the death type thing coming your way. Look, I understand that things have not gone your way this year, but looking inept is no way to live life and if you keep it up, bad things are just going to keep happening. On an upside, you always serve a purpose and will help a lot of teams towards bowl eligibility this season, so at least you got that going for you.

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join Off Tackle Empire

You must be a member of Off Tackle Empire to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Off Tackle Empire. You should read them.

Join Off Tackle Empire

You must be a member of Off Tackle Empire to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Off Tackle Empire. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9341_tracker