What I Want in the Non-Con: Week 5

Illinois tries to keep their high-flying offense rolling as Miami(OH) stumbles into town. - Mike DiNovo-USA TODAY Sports

A quick one - because let's be honest: No one cares.

Looking back:

Last week may or may not have happened. I heard something about the refs in Michigan State-Notre Dame, but I heard something about inept offense, too. Who would've thought: Michigan State, referee conspiracies, and bad offense? UNPOSSIBLE.

A side note: Sparty, you got screwed by those refs. But life goes on, I wish you would stop putting yourself in that position, and it's B1G play time!

Indiana, well...remember when some brilliant writer said this?

The Tigers struggled with Toledo, not putting the Rockets away until the 4th quarter, but amassing 172 yards on the ground. That, um, doesn’t bode well for Indiana. I’d love to see the Hoosiers win this game by controlling the point of attack on defense...

Well, um, yeah. Not that "calling" Indiana being terrible at stopping the run is worthy of accolades, I suppose.

Anyways, 6-2 last week wasn't panic-worthy, but it still wasn't, like, awful. I mean, Michigan definitely dominated UConn, Northwestern rolled Maine, and Nebraska's defense hearkened back to the '90s with a run-stuffing effort of South Dakota State, right? RIGHT?!

Anyways. Let's check our goals for the non-conference slate. Remember, this is non-conference, so I don't care about Ohio State/Wisconsin or Iowa/Minnesota. When, in reality, get bent, Bucky and Herky. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE. #FreeFloyd.

B1G Picture: What I Generally Want for the Conference:

DO NOT LOSE TO A SINGLE NON-AQ SCHOOL

Alright, fine, no one did that last week.

GO 2-1 AGAINST NOTRE DAME.

Shit.

NO UPSETS.

One game left. We've had a couple, but nothing egregiously egregious besides Navy over Indiana, which isn't surprising in the wake of Indiana being run over by any offense with a pulse. Bowling Green looks like an aberration for the Hoosiers at this point.

Saturday:

11am

Purdue (+3.5) vs. Northern Illinois: In the form of haiku,

Jordan Lynch can run

Purdue is bad at defense

A slaughter ensues

Illinois (-24) vs. Miami Hydroxide: Miami(OH) has scored 21 points the entire season. Miami(OH) has allowed an average of 254 rushing ypg and 290 passing ypg. Nathan Scheelhaase has flashes of competence at both of those things, and they usually come against bad teams. Miami(OH) is a bad team. Illinois should cover.

So How Will It Go?

What I Want:

2-0. I want to play the guessing game on Iowa if Purdue surprises the Huskies, and have fun with the QED Transitive Property of Football. Hawkeyes < Boilers, after the B1G goes 2-0.

What I Expect:

1-1. Don't trip all over yourselves, Illinois, and we'll be just fine. Blow out the Redhawks and prove that you almost kind of matter with that Bill Cubit offense. Let's be honest: Purdue is allowing 184 rushing ypg. Jordan Lynch & Co. beat Iowa at Kinnick, and even though Iowa is a substantially better team now from the looks of things, this is a doubtful B1G win, especially considering that NIU is favored by 3.5 on the road.

Burn Mattresses in the Streets If:

Don't. It's a waste of a mattress getting upset over Illinois or Purdue.

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