FanPost

Everyone gets a trophy -- my season ending awards

Nobody's quite sure where the Mountie came from, though. - Marc DesRosiers-USA TODAY Sports

If you have kids in youth sports these days, you know what it's like. Everyone gets an award for participating. Well, there is no reason why it should be different in the B1G. So, with that in mind, sit back, relax, and read my season ending awards. I made up awards that ensure that every team can get an award. Well, not exactly. Hard as I tried, I couldn't find any award for either Michigan or Purdue. Fortunately, everyone else got at least something.

My awards are in categories described below.

Color Awards:

Color awards recognize the best team with each team color represented in the B1G. Since teams traditionally have only two colors, a team is eligible for only two color awards. Since our conference newbie, Maryland, can't seem to make up its mind as to what color it wants to be, Maryland is not eligible to receive any color award.

Best Red Team: Ohio State

Best Orange Team: Illinois

Best Gold/Yellow Team: Minnesota

Best Green Team: Michigan State

Best Blue Team: Illinois

Best Purple Team: Northwestern

Best White Team: Michigan State

Best Grey Team: Ohio State

Best Black Team: Iowa

Alphabet Awards:

Best "I" Team: Iowa

Best "M" Team: Michigan State

The "Real" "NU": Nebraska

Best "O" Team: Ohio State

Best "P" Team: Penn State

Best "R" Team: Rutgers

Best "W" Team: Wisconsin

Geography Awards:

Best Eastern Time Zone Team: Ohio State

Best Central Time Zone Team: Wisconsin

Best Team from a Split Time Zone State: Michigan State

Lewis & Clark Award, for the best team from the Louisiana Purchase: Minnesota

Delaware Award, for the best team that borders Delaware: Rutgers

Best Team in the Chesapeake Bay Watershed: Maryland

Best Team in the Ohio River Valley: Ohio State

Best Team in the Great Lakes Watershed: Michigan State

Beat Team from Indiana: Indiana

Mascot Awards:

Best Conference Feline: Penn State

Best Warrior Themed Mascot Team: Michigan State

Best Conference Amphibian: Maryland

Best team with an Agricultural Mascot: Nebraska

Best team named after a nut: Ohio State

Best Conference Varmint Team: Wisconsin

Update, 12/9/2014, 10:05 PM (new award): Best performance by a conference Varmint Team against Ohio State: Minnesota.

Other Fun Awards:

Nice Guys Finish First Award: This award recognizes Minnesota nice. Eligible teams include Minnesota and teams from states that border Minnesota. Winner: Wisconsin

Devil's Triangle Award: This award is based on a meme from our TFFL days. Over there, it was observed that Iowa inexplicably had Penn State's number, and equally inexplicably, Northwestern had Iowa's number. The joke was that in 2011, Iowa, so frustrated at constantly losing to Northwestern, made a deal with the devil to trade their annual win over Penn State for a win over Northwestern. And so, the Devil's triangle, consisting of Iowa, Northwestern, and Penn State, was born. Winner: Iowa

Best Team from a school with an on-campus ice cream store. This award recognizes the great ice cream debates we have on fan shots. Eligible teams: Michigan State, Penn State, Wisconsin. Winner: Tie between Wisconsin and Michigan State. NOTE: This is NOT to be confused with the school that has the best ice cream. That award goes to Penn State. Edit, 12/9/2014, 10 pm. In light of Wisconsin's performance in the CCG, Wisconsin has forfeited their share of this award. The sole winner is now Michigan State. This award still for the best football team from a school with an on-campus ice cream store. The award for best on campus ice cream is a different award, and the winner remains Penn State.

Turtle Soup Award. Illinois and Ohio State play for the famous Illibuck Trophy. In case you didn't know, the Illibuck trophy is a turtle. Maryland's mascot. So, the Turtle Soup award goes to the best team from among Illinois, Maryland, and Ohio State. Winner: Ohio State

I hope you all enjoy my attempt to have a little bit of fun here. If any additional award categories come to mind, please feel free to contribute. And, if you can find SOME award for Michigan or Purdue, please feel free to list it here.


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