A Guide To Hating Properly

USA TODAY Sports

Integrate, Ingratiate, Infuriate

As part of welcoming the new folks to B1G Country, I felt that we needed to give a refresher course on how the hate flows in this conference. And as I'm sure the folks in the comments will assist me in correcting and adding anything I've missed, this will be the definitive guide until stated otherwise. (Also, our crack writing staff will get some school-specific hate cranked up here in the next few weeks so everyone is ready for football season. Keep an eye out for that.)

Let's get the easy one out of the way first: Everyone hates the SEC. This is for regional/national dominance, and those people down south like to think they run the show. It's our job to prove them wrong, and when we can't prove them wrong, we mock their love of ESS EEE CEE Speed, and copious number of calls to PAWWWWWWWWWWL Finebaum, to whom they feel we should "hang up an' lissen."

And now, a quick team by team breakdown (not guaranteed to be 100% accurate):

Illinois hates Northwestern, Purdue, and Ohio State. They've also got this on-and-off thing with Missouri and some lingering resentment with Indiana, but if we're talking trophies, the Hat, Cannon, and Illibuck are as B1G as it gets.

Indiana hates Purdue and Michigan State. There's also the aforementioned resentment with the Illini, and at least on OTE you'll likely find some slapfights with Northwestern over who the worst football program in the country is (by number of losses), but the Old Brass Spittoon (MSU) and Old Oaken Bucket ([REDACTED]) are serious business.

Iowa hates Minnesota, Nebraska, and Wisconsin (sometimes referred to as the Quadrangle of Hate), as well as Iowa State. And according to at least some posters on here, everyone hates Iowa. Remember that now.

Michigan hates Michigan State and Ohio State. Their relationship with Appalachian State has also been known to be rocky, so maybe it's just a State thing. And the odds are high that the first (or one of the first) comments on this article will be "Fuck Michigan", so brace yourselves, it's happening.

Michigan State hates Michigan and Indiana. They are also contractually obligated to hate Penn State, so they fight over ice cream and LAZERZ.

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via cdn2.sbnation.com

Minnesota hates the aforementioned Quadrangle, plus Penn State. They hate Penn State so much, when they got their hands back on the Victory Bell this year, they broke it. Seriously, look it up. That actually happened.

Nebraska hates the Quadrangle, plus most of the Big 12 (especially Texas). Old rivalries die hard. Though to balance out their excess of hate, they do love cats. Faux Bo knows.

Northwestern hates Illinois...and pretty much just Illinois. Though they aren't terribly fond of Nebraska after last year.

Ohio State hates Michigan, Illinois, and Purdue. One of these things is not like the others, and that thing is #PurdueHarbor.

Penn State hates Michigan State, Minnesota, and people who fixate on scandal. And that's all I'll say about that.

Purdue hates Indiana, people who don't acknowledge their existence, Indiana, Illinois, Indiana, people who focus on history, Indiana, the Hoosiers, and finally Indiana. Did I mention that they hate Indiana? Good.

Wisconsin hates the Quadrangle. And people who don't like cheese or Jumping Around.

And that brings us to the new folks. Maryland hates Penn State, as does Rutgers (I think). They will also be contractually obligated to hate each other, because that's how you get B1G money. Eventually, they may develop other rivalries, but if not, meh.

Oh, and I almost forgot a very important one: EVERYONE hates THE EFFING FIGHTING IRISH. Because. That's why.

Hopefully, this article will clear up some things for the new guys, reiterate some old hate, and possibly stir up some new hate. If I've forgotten any important hate, or didn't cover it well enough, feel free to expound in the comments. And remember, Haters Gonna Hate.

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