So for the life of me, I have not been able to find reasons to hate Northwestern this season. I thought about trying to shoehorn a comparison to Post Cold War Russia, but it just felt forced and awkward. From there I tried to make a Buzzfeed list on why you should hate Northwestern and how they are ruining College Football, but that was kind of lame too. So I stopped and thought about what I could do to troll Northwestern properly. After all, if I'm not going to write something scathing, I might as well at least make fun of them, right?
Then it hit me. I don't even have to be that creative. All week we've been ignoring the one thing that is absolutely hilarious to everyone but Northwestern: Last Season.
"But Jesse, we've been talking about that all week," you say. And to that I would simply reply that you are wrong and that this seems like a great time to make a greatest hits of 2013. Sure, this might not be the most hate-filled thing that's ever been posted on OTE, but it sure as hell was one of the most fun things for me. So, follow along friends on OTE as we relive the fantastic year that was 2013 for Northwestern football. It's probably the one thing that they'd all like to forget (you know, because for them, the only football they remember is football that started in 1995 and they've done quite a bit to pretend like that never happened).
You won 44-30, and honestly, I think many people thought this was some great accomplishment, but as you start to feel good about how you beat a Pac 12 team, also remember that the only team Cal beat last year was Portland State. Remember how bad we thought Purdue was? California was probably just as bad. Only they had an offense and no defense. Oh, and this is great because you were super excited about how Chad's prediction of going undefeated was still in tact. Man reliving last year is fun.
Arguably your biggest win of the season right here. Do you realize that this was arguably the pinnacle of your year? This was a bowl team. Sure, a 6-6 bowl team, but a bowl team nonetheless! I'm really excited to get out of Non-con and into conference play. Remember what happened during conference play? I sure do.
Look, I applaud your scheduling of two Power 5 conference opponents, but I also think Western Michigan was kind of a lame opponent. They would also win one game last season, and it was against UMass... by one point. Do you remember how happy you were Northwestern fans? At this point, you were ranked 17th! I want you to remember that feeling so you can remember how great it was to fall flat.
You beat Maine.
(Note: This is where we all point and laugh at Northwestern... Except you Illinois and Purdue.)
How does it feel to know that you were probably the best, worst option possible for gameday? All that hype, all that momentum, all that talk. Oh, and you had the Buckeyes right where you wanted them right? No, not right. As MNWildcat remembers, "Get Fucked Ohio State" became a thing that night. Now, normally I wouldn't dwell on losses like this because losing to OSU isn't exactly a non-normal thing, but I think you actually all thought you could win. Then you didn't and it must have really sucked. I want you to relive that moment for a second. I mean, the point of Friday hate day is for you to relive something awful and feel really bad, right? WELL I WANT YOU TO FEEL FEELING RIGHT NOW.
This is where Wisconsin fans remember that you were a speed bump that they relentlessly ran over. I honestly remember nothing about this game, but now you've lost two and ISN'T RELIVING LAST YEAR FUN GUYS!
All I know is that Northwestern lost this game in OT, and I have to believe that it was in some form of hilarious fashion because that only makes it better. This was loss four, and I do remember seeing Colter get sacked to end the game. Fun times, right? (To Recap: Loss to OSU with Gameday in town, crushed by Wisconsin, and then you lose to a team you hate in Iowa. IT'S FUN TO REMEMBER ALL OF THE GAMES, RIGHT?!?! I'M ONLY ON IOWA)
You lost. By a lot.
You won, but that capped a brilliant season.
Now, for full effect, just remember that both MNWildcat and our esteemed C.E. Bell both predicted 10-2. Why do I bring this up? Well, I get that Illinois can't have nice things, but after rehashing last season, I hope you know that maybe - just maybe - you can't either.
Wasn't this fun everybody!