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B1G 2013 // Keeping The Enemy Close - When Gophers Cry

2013-05-24T14:27:13Z

Note from GoAUpher: While this story may be up under my name, all credit (and all donations for therapy) should be given to OTE and TDG's very own WhiteSpeedReceiver. Follow him on Twitter (@BenjaminJDawson) and I promise that you'll be entertained when the Gophers are having a Gopher-tastic day.

Do you know who hates Minnesota the most? Is it Iowa or Wisconsin fans? Is it fans of teams counting on us to have a pulse to help improve their BCS computer metrics? Is it even Illinois or Michigan State fans who, despite having everything in place to have better programs, constantly find ways to lose to us? Nope. Who hates Minnesota? We hate Minnesota.

I'm something magical and rare: A Gophers fan in their early 30s. I'm as common as a unicorn, an Iowa fan without a cousin in jail for meth distribution, or a Wisconsin fan without "low metabolism." There's a gap in the age spread of Gopher fans that runs between people in their 70s who were alive when the Gophers were an elite program (before that pesky desegregation thing ruined everything for us) and young children who are still more enthralled by Goldy the Gopher than the product on the field. Everyone in between becomes disillusioned with the team, or distracted by the purple ronin, or just doesn't care about college football because the local sports media told them we're terrible. And the sycophants in the sports media aren't wrong, they just seem to enjoy beating a paralyzed horse.

That's because in the time between when administration tried de-emphasizing football in the 1960s and when the beautiful toy stadium that is TCF Bank Stadium was approved in 2006 there was barely any reason to pay attention to the Gophers. Football was of such great value to the administration that one former President, whom I won't name because it's really tough to spell "Nils Hasselmo", tried to replace football as a flagship sport with futbol. Support from Morrill Hall was so spectacular that of the coaches hired since 1972, only three of them have been even worth mentioning: Lou "I cheated my ass off and paid players, but Luther Darville took the fall for me" Holtz, Glen "What do you mean we can't put all 85 scholarship players and all the walk-ons on offense?" Mason, and the current mascot understudy Jerry Kill. 40 years of nothing above mediocre coaches has left a fanbase that consists only of geriatrics, small children, and people who probably need a safe word every time they get into the bedroom.

When you take that crippling flaw in the program and throw in the fact that St. Paul (and to a lesser extent, Minneapolis) is the best place to live in the Midwest other than Chicago, and you've got a recipe for your area to be overrun by job-seeking graduates from Iowa and Wisconsin fans looking for something better in life than being ankle deep in manure and Lipitor. It's not easy to develop a fanbase when your rivals give away road maps to your town with diplomas at graduation.

But do you know what the biggest thing in the way of the Gophers has been my entire life? The Gophers. If a picture is worth a thousand words, this should be worth electroshock therapy:

Please note all losses vs. 1-AA teams have been removed because I have access to sharp objects and power tools.

All of these things, mixed together, lead to a self-loathing fanbase that's so far past passive-aggressive hate that you can see the cut marks through our sleeves. We hurt, we're constantly wounded further, and with future schedules, it doesn't look like we're going to be getting better any time soon. So if you see us, give us a hug. We need one, because football season is right around the corner. The only positive we have is that we don't have to go inside to watch football anymore, and that's just tremendous.

B1G 2013 // OTE's Minnesota Potluck - The Third Time's The Best Time to Kill It With Fire

2013-05-22T18:51:14Z

It's Minnesota week here at OTE, which means we're in a "Minnesota Nice" frame of mind....you know, the type of mood where you don't mind giving away Floyd for a year to Iowa (since they were available to hog-sit in December while the Gophers went bowling).

In that spirit, and given the devastation that we all witnessed this week in Moore, Oklahoma, we decided to replace this week's recipes with links to aid organizations that are on the ground, helping people pick up the pieces after this tragedy. Your presence here at OTE is always appreciated; your donation to any of these organizations in this time of need in Moore would just be further confirmation that our readers are the best on the Internet.

Alright, pledge drive over. Let's Potluck! Follow us below for discussion on whether the Golden Gophers are actually Yellow-Bellied Chickens, the attractive options available to offensive coordinators when facing the Gophers, Jerry Kill's belief in the power of 3, and new memes.....

With fans like this, no wonder Minnesota lost money selling beer at TCF Stadium.....

1. American Red Cross Disaster Relief Fund: Let's start with the biggest off-season news for Minnesota -- their cancellation of a home-and-home 2013-2014 series with North Carolina, for which they paid $800,000. While they "replaced" the road game at Chapel Hill with a road game this season to New Mexico State (and subsequently added a 2014-15 series with TCU to the schedule), many critics (myself included) attacked Minnesota for watering down its non-conference schedule and running scared (from an ACC team, no less). Was the increased chance for an "easy" non-conference win and reaching bowl-eligibility a worthwhile trade-off for the Gophers when factoring in the "running scared" appearance? Shouldn't Minnesota have been upgrading their non-conference schedule given the Gophers' upward trajectory?

GoAUpher: I'm going to sound like a broken record to anyone who has been reading the comments. I'm sorry (I'm not sorry).

Let me open with a note that I was not a fan of the move as a fan/season ticket holder. I was planning on the UNC roadie and I like having BCS teams on the home schedule. While I think this would have been a tougher game than many try to say it would be (UNC is in a better place than MN, no question) it wasn't completely unwinnable either. That said, I understand Kill's thinking and think a lot of the outrage is just posturing.

Before we get to the questions it's worth noting that the cancellation of the UNC series isn't offseason news (the REAL off-season scheduling news was the TCU announcement). It happened back on October 16th in the midst of 2012 season and initial reports of the move leaked as early as June. Incidentally, I'd look into hiring a better breed of personal assistant who can read a calendar properly. I hear you have some up and coming prospects in the state of Iowa. Back on topic...Those dates create some logical problems with your framing on the "upward trajectory" question. When the U started to negotiate their exit, that upward trajectory was not a certain thing at all. Even if you use the date the move was finalized, Oct 16, the upward trajectory was still far from certain. At that point the Gophers were 4-2 and had watched a promising 4-0 non-con start turn into a sad performance at Iowa and a disappointing loss to Northwestern at home. While that clearly indicated improvement, a bowl game wasn't even a likely possibility until after the Purdue win 11 days later.

Putting the whole framing issue aside to answer that last part of the question...there is more than one way to build a program than just upward trajectory meets harder schedule. If you'd like to argue that this is the most successful way to do it you can, but plenty of other schools have shown (including previous MN squads) has shown that's not the only way. Given Kill's history with rebuilds, I think it's fair to say he might have some idea of what he needs to build this program. Bashing about "running scared" from the outside strikes me as rather disengenous given the fact that Kill's team getting better could easily come at the expense of the basher's team (especially for a divisional opponent with a more tenuous history of success like Northwestern).

To your other question on the trade-off between an easier win and having some folks say you're running scared...I think the answer depends on your priorities. For me, what matters is whether it works and helps the team win/the program get better. I won't say I don't care what others say (this long answer says otherwise), but my caring is more about what I think are arguments that set aside other logical option or gross generalizations, not with "oooh people think Minnesota is scared." That's because I admit that Kill is saying "we might lose to UNC and I want a team that's easier to beat." In fact, Kill's responses make very clear that this is what he's doing even though he doesn't come out and say it. And you know what? Kill doesn't care if you think he's scared. Kill's job is to win and build the program not make sportswriters and bloggers fawn over a harder non-con schedule (one that might prevent his team from making a bowl and getting more practices to improve).

In my mind, the best question to ponder about this whole situation was whether Kill would ever forgo this type of scheduling and make the slate harder. Getting a Mason-soft schedule after the team is much better and the program is solid would be pointless and a slap in the face to fans. And at the time the move happened last October, this was still an open question. Kill said he'd change it up, but those could be just words. The TCU agreement would seem to answer that question however.

Jesse Collins: Well, to answer the first part, yes. Minnesota should absolutely not care about the running scared appearance because if you win games and make bowls, you will get better recruits. Better recruits allow you to play better opponents and get even more wins which is a good thing. Nobody bemoans your terrible schedule when the goal is 7-9 wins per season. I know that's somewhat of a double standard, but Minnesota isn't exactly playing for National Titles right now. Can we make fun of how that went down? Absolutely. Will anyone care come January? Not one bit.

As for the second part, I think that's kind of a misnomer in and of itself. Upward trajectory means that you win more than two conference games. There sure does seem to be some excitement in the Twin Cities, but you're kidding yourself if you think that Minnesota is ready to declare they have arrived. Win what you can now, upgrade a little for the future (and for the record, a top quarter Big XII team is no slouch of a replacement to North Carolina). [sidenote: Northwestern has followed this mold quite well. As they've gotten better, the opponents have, but they definitely feasted on some mid-tier teams over the years to make sure their win totals increase. It's not a bad scheme and one that Minnesota shouldn't be ashamed of.]

MNWildcat: I personally think they shouldn't have done this. I don't consider it running scared, but I consider it a throwback to the Glen Mason days and a little slap in the face to a fanbase who's starting to come back to this program. Then again, as GoAUpher rightly pointed out, Jerry Kill has asked for faith in his methods in building a program in Minneapolis. I still don't like the move, but TCU was a good name to add for 2014-15, and I guess I'll give him a pass on this one.

Mike Jones: Running scared? Who cares. This isn't the NCAA Tournament...unless they're going to the BCS (they aren't) why wouldn't you just take the victories where they can? No one cares about strength of schedule when you're going to the Outback Bowl. Just get to 6-6, 7-5 or whatever and make your bowl game. Furthermore, just because Gophers are on the upswing doesn't mean they should scheduling series with Alabama or anything. If they start making bowls regularly and maintain consistency there's no reason not to improve the schedule. But if there's concern about making a bowl game I'd just take the easy way out. It's not their fault the system is broke and they're just taking advantage.

Graham Filler: Minnesota should be riding the fence between going to bowl games and placating the home base. So one could understand their resistance to a tough non-conf. The weird thing is...UNC isn't exactly playing their best football of late, and by of late, I mean, the program isn't very good. No conference titles for 33 years. Minnesota absolutely could win that game. Why take it off the schedule?

C.E. Bell: I think Graham gets my point the best -- why cancel UNC? It's not like the Tar Heels have been very/any good....frankly, they're just as beatable, even on the road, as Iowa or Indiana on Minny's schedule (the two games Gopher fans are circling as wins for bowl-eligibility purposes). Plus, they give you (and hence the conference) some semblance of a competitive non-conference schedule, solely because they carry that "ACC" affiliation (even though they're about as good as a mid-upper tier MAC team). I still don't understand why UNC was cancelled....PARTICULARLY if you're replacing them down the road, during a harder conference slate, with TCU (which is a MUCH better program). None of this makes much sense to me....

Like a true freak, Ra'Shede Hageman only comes out at night....(Photo courtesy Brace Hemmelgarn-US Presswire)

2. United Way of Central Oklahoma: As highlighted in GoAUpher's Cocktail party piece, Minnesota loses its two best cornerbacks (Michael Carter and Troy Stoudermire) and most of their linebackers from a pretty decent Gopher defense against the pass. On the plus side, they return RaShede Hageman at DT (#2 on this list of "Freak" Athletes in college football behind Jadeveon Clowney), but their defense struggled against the run (I think Venric Mark just ran untouched through Minnesota's defense for another 50+ yards). Will teams continue to pound Minnesota on the ground in 2013? Or will they take to the air to pick apart an inexperienced secondary? Or will Minnesota rise up and improve their defense overall?

GoAUpher: Until Minnesota proves it can stop them, I would expect teams to run at the front seven as often as possible. The run defense will be an ongoing question well into the season I suspect. I'd like to say that it gets solved, but I'm honestly not sure. I'd expect some improvement (how could you not given how bad they were in that category) but I'm keeping expectations low. This weak spot will likely cost the Gophers the chance to be in or win some of their games and could be the difference between a 6 (or even 5) win season and a 7-8 win season.

I'm actually not terribly worried about the secondary. One of the "new" corners is actually a quality starter (Derrick Wells) who moved over from safety. Wells was a safety based on positional need, but that position is now deeper and his skills can easily be translated to corner. The linebackers were underwhelming overall, so that loss actually may not be a huge loss.

MNWildcat: True story: RaShede Hageman nearly killed me in a high school football game. Now, I was a punter and we really don't count, but still. Moving on -- yeah, Minnesota gave up 172 ypg on the ground in 2012, and the pass defense (which ranked 23rd in pass defense efficiency) loses two valuable CBs. But the pass defense could be bolstered by a veteran DL including Hageman ~~and possibly the B1G's best-kept secret, DE D.L. Wilhite, who clocked in at 3rd in the B1G in sacks with 8~~. (EDITOR'S NOTE: MNWildcat pretty much proved that OTE's writers don't watch football by saying a player who graduated was returning this season) A good pass rush would go miles in taking the pressure off new cornerbacks. Look for the Gophers to be tough off the edges. Oh, and Minnesota has to get better at flipping the field. Christian Eldred averaged about 38 yards per punt, and under 35 net. That has to improve, otherwise Eldred could be out of a job.

Mike Jones: No?

3. Oklahoma Baptist Disaster Relief: 1-10, 4-8, 10-2. 6-7, 7-6, 10-3. It's the Jerry Kill rule: in his third season as head coach (at Southern Illinois and Northern Illinois), his teams jumped noticeably in the won-loss department. Can Kill pull off the "third times the charm" trick for the "third times the charm" time? Does Phillip Nelson's emergence late last season and Donnell Kirkwood's underrated talent at RB make jumping up to, say, 8-9 wins possible? And where do you see Minny pulling off some/any conference upsets?

GoAUpher: Can he pull it off? Yes. If Nelson and the offense click, the O-line stays healthy, and the run defense improves while all the other units maintain their previous performance then 8 wins is not out of the question (though 9 is probably a stretch). But I'm betting most of you see where the problems start...that's a whole lot of if's and unanswered questions that get answered positively for the Gophers. If only some of those things improve, I think it's much more likely that the Gophers win 6 or 7. And if the performance stays roughly the same as last year then I'm betting we'll see the same results: a 5 win team looking for a way to snag that 6th win and a bowl. My prediction is 6-7 wins.

As for upsets? As of now I'd peg the most likely options as @ Northwestern (who I'm not totally sold on and who has a way of playing down to Minnesota even when they are clearly better), Penn State at home (if the sanctions start to take effect), and Wisconsin at home (new coach in his first season blues). The other possible wins I see on the MN schedule (Iowa, @Indiana) wouldn't qualify as upsets right now.

Jesse Collins: I'm honestly not sure you can compare either of his previous situations to Minnesota where he will be facing seven teams with winning records from last year. That is not an indictment on his ability to improve his team greatly either. I just think that expecting eight or nine wins is a bit tough. Hell, looking for seven looks a lot rougher for Minnesota than it should in a conference season where the only two games they look to be favored in are against Iowa - rivalry game which can end poorly as proven last year - and Indiana - a team that's also improving mightily. This, of course, assumes they sweep the non-con which finishes on a trickier note against a San Jose State team that went 11-2 with both losses against ranked opponents. Of course, if Minnesota pulls off some upsets, it's probably at home against Nebraska or Penn State. Needless to say, it's a tall order.

MNWildcat: Should-win: @Indiana. Could-win: Iowa, @MSU. Might-win: @Northwestern. Show-up-and-hope-for-the-best: @Michigan, Nebraska, Penn St., Wisconsin. Look, Jerry Kill punted this season by taking North Carolina off the schedule. It is, to me, as honest an assessment of the Gophers as you can get. He knows that two wins on this B1G schedule will be difficult to come by, and he's punting away a tough game to get 4 non-con wins. I think that the three-year rebuild works at a program in the Missouri Valley or even the MAC. It's not as easy in the Big Ten. I would say the 4th year is the one in which Kill should have this team contending for a 7-8 win season. The Gophers should be happy to get to 6.

Mike Jones: It's Minnesota so I'm always prone to thinking a GOLDY NO moment is around every corner. On one hand, they should be optimistic because Jerry Kill is doing Jerry Kill things. If things go to plan they should start out 4-0, beat Iowa at home and win at Indiana. That alone should get them to 6-6. I could also see them beating Nebraska...for some reason. On the other hand, they could GOLDY NO and lose to the team no one is talking about: San Jose State. The Spartans won 11 games last season and return a boatload of starters. If Minnesota overlooks this team they will lose and the season will derail in true Glen Mason fashion. Kill is a competent guy so I see them getting bowl eligible and pulling off a conference upset somewhere.

Graham Filler: No way on the whole 8-9 wins. Just knock off Iowa and Indiana, win the non-conf games...and it's bowl time.

But - If I have to look for upsets, I enjoy that Northwestern pick because they always play the Goldman Sachs tough (that's my new nickname for the Wildcats). Maybe they knock off Sparty in one of those meaningless but incredibly meaningful games in the whole "win and go bowling" mold.

4. Save the Children: The "Kill It With Fire" gif is one of my favorite memes at the moment (and apparently one of your favorites too, if the comments section is any reflection). It's time to get creative -- come up with a similar meme using the name of your team's head coach (or, if that's impossible, pick an assistant coach on your team). Bonus points for Paintshop work.

GoAUpher: Sweet, you can just insert any Kill It With Fire for me and I can sit this one out....

Jesse Collins: I wanted to make a picture of Bo Pelini taking out Jerry Kill it with Fire, but that didn't seem all that meme-ish. Then I thought, "Wait, Bo Knows might be the scariest meme ever." Seriously, can you imagine the idea of Bo knowing who you are, what you said, and where you live. Also, it looks like he's always telling officials exactly what they did wrong... you know, because Bo knows how to do your job better than you. Lots of applications I think.

MNWildcat: I wish I could find a .jpg of the shirt that some frats at NU made a couple years ago... Frat Fitzgerald. Genius.

Mike Jones: Dammit Chad, I don't have time for this. Something something picture of Iowa players holding Floyd something Jerry Kill is a gross looking person something something he's a Gopher. That good enough?

EDITOR'S NOTE: Yes, Mike, that's good enough.

Graham Filler: Brady Hoke has been memed out already.

The Adventures of Hoke Fin?

No Food Left Behind?

I'm not a meme guy.

C.E. Bell: My question, my answer:

Your Off Tackle Empire Minnesota Shirts

2013-05-22T15:00:24Z

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Spring-ing to the Top: The Very Early Best of the Best Defensive Linemen in the B1G

2013-05-22T10:00:03Z

So about finishing this running feature sometime before next fall... At the rate of every two weeks, we might eventually get to the specialists in August. With that in mind, I'm going to keep plugging away because while I may not watch football, I can at least pretend to be a real football blogger. So uh, good for me? Good for me.

More Best of the Best B1G Players: QB RB WR TE OL K LB

In preparing this piece, Graham pointed out something interesting to me. As you look at the 2012 All-B1G Defensive Line, there are no returning players. Not from the B1G Media first or second team, not from the B1G Coaches first or second team. No one. Taking that one step further, Kawann Short, Johnathan Hankins, Jordan Hill, John Simon, William Campbell, and Michael Buchanan were drafted this month with many other defensive linemen signing UDFA contracts.

Bottom line? We are definitely going to see a brand new identity across the conference's finest when it comes to the D-line. Is that a bad thing? It's hard to say. You have schools like Nebraska, Indiana, Illinois, Iowa, Minnesota, and Purdue who really liked to give up rushing yards to their opponents - to the tune of 4+ yards per carry - who probably are excited about rotating in some new talent. On the flipside, Short, Hankins, et al were not guys who should be seen as anything less than a loss of talent conference wide.

With that in mind, please be nice to this list. It was actually a lot more difficult to compile than one might think considering the moves and the wide variances in how a person might actually judge a defensive linemen - you know, with two different positions and about forty different ways to play each. So here are the best of the best Defensive Linemen in the B1G going into 2013:

1. Tyler Scott DE

First off, let me start off by expressing my confusion regarding a Northwestern defensive player on top of one of the most storied position groups in the Big Ten. It's just plain weird. WIth that in mind, as far as guys who are returning, this guy deserves this spot. I didn't want to make him the top because I know I'm going to get some flack from some commenter who will say something like, "Dude, you just like stats and obviously didn't see [insert other Northwestern lineman who will be better because of one play the guy made this game against Illinois]. Do you even watch football?" But then Chad chimed in with some love:

I'll give some love to Tyler Scott of Northwestern here. B1G returning leader in sacks, very disruptive off the end, had three tackles for loss (including 2 sacks) against Mississippi State in the Gator Bowl.

So yeah, we're blaming this all on Chad. Of course, that's ignoring a pretty decent line, and the dirty little secret that Northwestern's defense - especially rushing defense - was fairly good last year. Scott's 9 sacks were disruptive and should prove to be a big asset to the much improved and much scarier Northwestern defense. Will they manage to not have breakdowns at the end of games? That's up for debate.

2. Ra'Shede Hagemen DE

Let's start out with the obvious. This is a large scary man who at 6' 6" and 300 lbs is pretty intimidating at end. Our very own MNWildcat had this to say about him:

That honor [best Minnesota linemen] will go to Ra'Shede Hageman, who I had the honor of almost getting crushed by during my days as a high school punter. Hageman is going to hear his name called next April with a good performance in 2013. Guy just has the frame and skill it takes on the D-line, but Minnesota's results, especially run D, need to start matching that.

I don't know MNWildcat personally - in that non-bloggy face-to-face versus the internet way, that is - but I can only imagine that he was ill equipped as high school punter to not be terrified of a guy like Hagemen. Seriously, I think this guy is going to have a monster year if anyone - literally any able body at Minnesota - can take a little pressure off him bull-rushing Quarterbacks. He threw down last year with 7.5 TFL, 5 6 sacks, 2 PBU, and a forced fumble. I foresee more damage done this year. If anything, he will demand a lot of attention this year.

3. Deion Barnes DE

This kid is only a Sophomore, but his Freshman year was pretty impressive. He was a Freshman All-American, had 10 TFL, 5 sacks, 3 FF, and 1 PBU. He has a ridiculous wingspan, plays smart and fast, and is only going to get better. It would not surprise me to see him as the best Defensive Lineman in the Big Ten this year when all the dust has settled. In our discussions on the line, Graham mentioned that not only was Barnes an All-American, he was also the Big Ten Freshman of the year. Needless to say, we expect great things from him and Penn State will need him to be a core leader as they transition a bit this year.

4. Beau Allen DT

Beau Allen was an anchor for the Wisconsin line last year, and with the move to a 3-4 defense, he will need to be even better this year. I listed him as a DT but he will be showing off his skills to NFL Scouts next year as a NT. At 6' 3" 333, he's a big guy who does what a NT is supposed to do - take up space. Even so, he knows how to get to the ball and finished up last year with 7.5 TFL, 2.5 sacks, 1 FF, 1 QBH, and he broke up a pass. So long as the transition from 4-3 to 3-4 goes as well as everyone from Madison seems to think it will, Allen will find himself on quite a few All-B1G teams next year.

5. Quinton Washington DT

This was actually a really hard slot to choose for, but Washington makes the grade for his consistency on a pretty fierce Michigan D-line. His stat line is only so-so with only 3 TFL, 1 Sack, 1 PBU, and 1 FF. They aren't the stats you would need to be a Heisman contender or anything. Still, he takes up space, makes room for the talented group of DEs at Michigan to make plays and considering he is fairly new to the position, has the ability to make quite a splash this year. With a lot of transition going on across the entire conference, he exemplifies the need for someone with a little bit of experience to usher in the next group of difference makers.

Next Man Up: Ohio State Defensive Line

Alert: Copout coming in 3... 2... 1... Okay, I honestly think Ohio State has the scariest defensive line in the conference. With that said, I cannot tell you one of their fifty thousand players who will be THE playmaker going into 2013. Noah Spence and Adolphous Washington are young and scary good, a deep DT rotation, and more recruits than any one team should have unless you have a payroll, let's just say that all we can do is step back and wait for someone from this group to emerge. Of course, if you need to read about every single talented player they have, go over to Land Grant Holy Land and read about it here. Scary stuff my friends...

Meyer wasn't even close to done, though. To compete with the big boys of the SEC, elite caliber depth must be added every single year at the defensive line spot. To that end, Fickell, Dr. Professor Vrabro and recruiting whiz Everett Withers hit the trail hard during this past season. Joey Bosa, a four-to-five star DE (who not unlike Washington might even be able to play some DT too) from the heart of Florida and SEC territory, was the first to commit. Tracy Sprinkle, a three-star pure hybrid who showed flashes of high-caliber talent, was the next domino to fall and enrolled early. Billy Price is the second-highest rated defensive line prospect, a consensus four-star from Youngstown. Another player from the SEC country committed in South Carolina's Michael Hill, a four-star in his own right. Tyquan Lewis, from Tarboro, NC, eschewed the ACC in favor of the scarlet and gray. Lastly, Donovan Munger flipped from Florida State to stay in-state and can play along either offensive or defensive line. The repeated addition of this type of talent, year after year, will make Ohio State a player on the national championship sooner rather than later.

Poll

Who is the best of the best B1G Defensive Linemen?

B1G 2013 // Minnesota's Smartest Guys In The Room

2013-05-21T15:34:22Z

When I sat down to write this piece, I tried to find a new angle to follow. After all, Minnesota is returning it's head coach and both coordinators for the third consecutive season. Thats...well, it's just not something Minnesota fans have seen much of over the last decade plus. They didn't even lose any of the assistant coaches which means the "Newest Guys In The Room" idea is out too. The lack of turnover is awesome if you follow Minnesota, but I know it makes the information I'm about to share repetitive for those of you who are familiar with Coach Kill and his staff. If this is a problem for you...well...

That said, I am going to throw everyone a bone and ID the dumbest person in the room for Minnesota football as well. Who could that be? You'll just have to wait and see I guess.

The Head Coach -- Jerry Kill

This guy looks familiar.

Let's hit the high points:

- Known for building up struggling programs. Did it at both Southern Illinois (FCS doormat thinking of shuttering it's football program before Kill got there) and Northern Illinois (MAC school with recent success that had hit a rough patch).

- Not known as a recruiting superstar but is known for finding guys who fit his system and molding them into the players he needs.

- Had experience as both a OC and DC before becoming an HC.

- Has a fantastic last name which has spawned a wonderful meme we can all get behind.

- Definitely a leader in the category of "head coaches who look like their school mascots."

Recent Rough Spots

Despite most Gopher fans being pretty enamored with Kill (and Ted...Ted absolutely loves the guy), his tenure hasn't been without its bumps.

Obviously, the 3-9 finish in his first season was less than ideal but many gave him a pass given the complete dumpster fire he'd been left by Tim Brewster. Last season's overall record/outcome was pretty positive. Many were hoping for a bowl game, but the number of people (who were capable of rational thought) who had it as a baseline expectation were much lower. As a result, Kill was able to limit the rough press to a few off the field situations.

Cancelling the home/home with North Carolina

If you were reading the comments of yesterday's Preview you got a good deal of info on this. The short version is Coach Kill wanted to make the 2013 schedule easier by eliminating the road game versus a BCS school. He didn't really sugar coat the decision, making it clear that reaching a bowl game was the primary goal and that scheduling to assure such an outcome was his preferred method. He also suggested he'd have avoided the Syracuse game in 2012 if he could have.

This move alone gave critics ammunition to call it out as "sending a bad signal" or "lacking in confidence." Kill didn't spend much time addressing any accusations in that vein, but I would expect his characterization would be that he was being realistic and focused on the long term goals for the program, not any short term chest thumping.

The fanbase was torn about the move and the Twin Cities media (always looking for a good angle to bash any of the metro teams) jumped all over it. Kill and new AD Norwood Teague later admitted that they had underestimated the backlash towards the move. Given that breaking the contract cost the U $800,000 they probably shouldn't have been.

While many folks are still unhappy with the decision, the overall furor has diminished significantly since the announcement of a 2014/2015 home and home with TCU. The agreement not only beefs up the schedule (a big fear following the UNC cancellation for a fanbase that saw too many cupcakes under Glen Mason) but it resulted in financial payouts that eliminated the $800,000 hit the department took following the UNC move.

AJ Barker

I'm keeping this one short because this was the most overblown story of the season. AJ Barker quit the team following the Nebraska game and wrote a 4,000 word diatribe online that blasted Kill and the team's medical staff and that insinuated/accused Kill and the staff of abuse. He then went on a tour of the TC media outlets to share his story. In retrospect (for him) he probably shouldn't have done that. Once he was faced with actual questions he A) never supported with evidence his assertions of abuse and B) he admitted that if he had received a scholarship he wouldn't have left. There was only one problem with B...he had only played one productive game in his career (@UNLV) prior to the academic year starting. And by NCAA rules, his scholly would need to be awarded by the start of school. So AJ was whining that he hadn't been given a scholly after a single good game against an inferior opponent. Not a strong place to start. Also, his rant included a section where he described how his mom's best friend thought he was the best player on the team. That actually happened.

Kill kept a pretty low profile during the whole thing, never badmouthing AJ to the press and limiting comments to a brief explanation of why he yelled at AJ during a practice right before he quit (AJ was being verbally disrespectful to training staff according to Kill) and the normal "we wish him well and my door remains open to him" stuff you often hear.

Seizures

Unfortunately Kill's seizure disorder has not disappeared fully. While he has not had a major public event like he did in his first season, he did miss the 2nd half of the MSU game after having an episode during halftime. The dept and Kill remain mostly tight lipped on the matter, offering up a standard line about Kill and his doctors continuing to work together on a treatment plan that will allow him to minimize the incidents.

Thankfully, it seems as though the fact that this is not a life threatening condition is finally starting to sink in for the media, as is the fact that it's an acute problem that will never be "cured." This resulted in a more level-headed media response to last November's attack and one that will hopefully be continued moving forward if (ok, probably when) Kill deals with an incident in the future.

I'm also hopeful that Kill will do more to speak for epilepsy awareness in the same way he has for cancer research. Not only is it a cause that could use the attention, I think it would go a long way to educating people about what this does and does not mean for him personally.

What to expect moving forward?

I you were to look at only Coach Kill's history at previous stops then you'd come into this season expecting a big improvement in record. But if you factor in the team's schedule and the increased difficulty of building up a program in the B1G, it becomes less likely. Prior to the schedule changes (seriously Delaney, go screw yourself) most fans would have pegged 2014 as the year to expect a breakout. Now? Well, I for least have chosen to focus on this season and look for continued improvement in depth, talent, execution, and wider implementation of concepts/gameplans for both the offensive and defensive systems.

Twitter

Since I feel bad not including any head coach's Twitter info here I'd like to recommend that you follow @BeingBeilema if you haven't already.

The Offensive Coordinator -- Matt Limegrover

Good lord, we still have the same offensive coordinator? And while his playcalling can be maddening at times he isn't a complete failure who tried to change the throwing motion of our QB by making him pitch tennis balls for 17 hours a day? HOO.RAY.

While the team hasn't experienced any change in it's OC staffing, our OC has undergone quite a change of his own in the past year plus. What do I mean? Coach Limegrover committed himself to a new diet/fitness regime and underwent gastric bypass surgery. The result?

BEFORE:

via stmedia.startribune.com

AFTER:

via stmedia.startribune.com

Coach Limegrover has lost 170 pounds and is experiencing all the positives that go with it. He was quiet about it for quite a while but has started to speak up about his story recently. It's a great thing for Coach, his family, and the team and I'm glad it's the news I can lead with for him.

But what about on field changes to the offense? Well, as we enter year three B1G fans should expect to see fewer QB runs, more pre-snap motion to identify mismatches with the defense, and MOAR MARYLAND-I. If that last one doesn't excite you then you are clearly an SEC spy sent to undermine everything that is righteous and holy about our conference and I'd kindly ask that you leave. I'd give you more thoughts on schemes except that A) I'm not the schematic wizard and B) I don't watch the games, per OTE protocol.

Twitter

@CLimegrover

He's been keeping it low key since joining Twitter in March to announce the outcome of his weight loss surgery in a more public forum. 16 tweets in total since then.

How many years until he's in charge of a MAC program?

At this point I'd say Coach Limegrover won't be pursuing a role as a head coach. He might take a coordinator position if the right opportunity were offered, but if he wanted to be the head guy he'd have jumped on a lower level opening by now.

The Defensive Coordinator -- Tracy Claeys

Coach Claeys has been the under the radar member of the staff this offseason. And given the program's penchant for DC turnover or making fans very cranky by retaining guys like the personal tormenter of Husker fans everywhere, this quiet offseason is ok by me.

Coach Claeys is coming off a year that saw the Gophers improve from one of the worst defenses in recent B1G memory in 2011 to a unit that was much improved against the pass, cringe worthy against most ground games, and a solid "Meh" overall. In other words, a pretty solid outing by a rebuilding Gopher program's standards.

He looks to continue to improve on that foundation during the upcoming season. If Claeys is able to deliver a defense that is equally stout (or even better) against the pass while also being stronger against the run, the Gophers will be in a much better place to surprise in 2013.

Areas of focus will be pass rushing without blitzing as much as possible, improved run stopping by the front four, and the linebackers actually shedding blocks. Needless to say, I'll be really pleased if the last one happens...

Twitter

via 25.media.tumblr.com

How many years until he's in charge of a MAC program?

See my answer to Limegrover.

The Dumbest Guy/Gal In The Room

So who is the lucky winner?

The as yet unnamed individual who made it possible for the U to lose money selling booze. How stupid was the previous deal with Aramark?

A review of the university's recent agreements with Aramark, a Philadelphia-based company that has had contracts with the school since 1998, suggested that school officials initially might not have aggressively pushed for higher percentages of alcohol sales at the 50,720-seat TCF Bank Stadium.

Within months after the stadium opened in 2009, school officials agreed to get 22.5 percent of potential alcohol sales even though the university had previously agreed with Aramark on a much higher rate of non-alcohol concession sales at the stadium: 33.24 percent of non-alcohol concession sales up to $1 million, and 37.93 percent of concession sales above $2 million.

Words fail.

MONDAY | Cocktail Party Preview

TUESDAY | Smartest Guys in the Room

WEDNESDAY | Hoosier Potluck

THURSDAY | Wildcard

FRIDAY | Keeping the Enemy Close

B1G 2013 // Minnesota Cocktail Party Preview

2013-05-20T17:38:55Z

About Last Season

The good news...

Bowl game.

The Big Ten season wasn't always pretty, but the Gophers took care of business in the non-con, sealed Danny Hope's fate at home against REDACTED, made sure Tim Beckman went down with an 0-8 B1G record, and gave TTech everything they could handle in a game that probably should have been a win for the B1G.

Philip Nelson and the Gopher offense showed plenty of growth over their 15 bowl practices, enough to have folks excited that maybe they are ready to stop turning out bottom of the B1G stats in offensive categories. The pass defense and pass rush improved IMMENSELY, and essentially earned the Gophers their bowl game by shutting down Ryan Nassib and Syracuse in the Week 4 victory.

And did I mention the team made a bowl game?

The bad news...

The rush defense was...underwhelming. The team's best wide receiver decided to quit the team in a manner befitting a 4 year old right as senior week was about to start. The offensive line was walking MASH unit with the coaching staff forced to play 3 different guys at center and use about 207 different line combinations by the end of the season. Unsurprisingly, the running game suffered and the Gophers went without a 1000 yard back for the 6th straight season.

MarQueis Gray was hurt in the 3rd week of the season, lost his spot at QB as a result, and spent the rest of the year working hard to make a difference at wide receiver. Seriously, I really feel for that guy...seemed like a fantastic person, great team leader but despite being an amazing athlete he just never caught a break with the Brew mess, coaching change, and injuries all standing in the way of his QB development.

The kicking game was hit or miss. Iowa kidnapped Floyd in a game that was over after the 2nd quarter, the team went home from Madison Axe-less again, and a perfect opportunity to give Michigan a real game was squandered by poor execution and missed opportunities. The team went to a bowl but still finished with a 2-6 B1G record. And in the end they did lose the bowl game (horseshoes, hand grenades, and all that).

On The Offensive Side Of The Ball

The good news...

Mankato Jesus is back and is the outright starter as of the completion of spring ball (showing greatly improved accuracy and decision making in the Spring Game). His backup, Mitch Leidner, also showed off his tools during the Spring Game and it thankfully looks like we won't need to pull the RS off another freshman QB this season (knock on wood). The offensive line looks like it will start the season completely intact and boasts the most depth and experience (thank you injuries I guess?) that it's had in many years. The running game looks poised to improve as Donnell Kirkwood (aka: Bowling Ball) and Rodrick Williams return while speedy freshman Berkley Edwards joins the team ready to show Michigan why they should have recruited him. The team looks deep in terms of pass catching tight ends. And perhaps most importantly, the bowl game and spring have shown that this team has a much better understanding of OC Matt Limegrover's system and they should be able to implement a more complete gameplan in the coming year (I for one cannot wait for MOAR MARYLAND-I).

The bad news...

The wide receiver position has potential, but a complete lack of proven in game production. The Gophers will be looking for talented players like Devin Crawford Tufts and KJ Maye to step up and fulfill their potential while Derrick Engel looks ready to take over the surehanded WSR role vacated by the AJ Barker (hopefully Derrick's mom has no best friends who feel compelled to tell him how super special and awesome he is).

The offensive line and running backs have the potential to be much better, but until they prove it on the field prove they can remain healthy, we're still talking about potential. Phil Nelson looks and sounds ready to lead team team, but he's still a true sophomore QB with things to learn and room to grow. Without a decent running game to take a little bit of the pressure off (or a healthy line to protect him) it could still be a long season.

The Defensive Side Of The Ball

The good news...

Two of the team's best defenders (DT monster RaShede Hageman and CB Derrick Wells) return as do a number of young talents on the defensive line and in the secondary. If anything, I'd expect the pass rush to be improved from last year. It's pretty much impossible for the linebackers to due much worse in run support than they did last season.

The bad news...

The Gophers graduated their two best cornerbacks (Michael Carter and Troy Stoudermire) and most of the linebackers who contributed last season. RaShede Hageman and young d-linemen like Theiren Cockran and Michale Amaefula clearly have the tools to get to the QB but still need to show that they can plug up the line in the running game. The linebacker position has a number of question marks. Essentially this unit looks like very similar to the one that finished out the season last year...stronger against the pass and weaker against the run. The potential (there's that word again) is there for the D to improve against the run and become even tougher but that's all just wishful thinking until it shows up on the field in games that matter.

On The Special Teams

The good news...

There is a freshman kicker/punter with a huge leg coming in who is built like a linebacker. The return defense for both punting and kickoffs was decent in 2012 and there is no reason to expect major changes in those units in 2013. The return game looks to be in an ok spot with speedy returners like Marcus Jones and KJ Maye.

The bad news...

Troy Stoudermire (the NCAA's all time leader in KR yards) has graduated. All the question marks remain. The punter position is still unsettled. The upperclassman front-runner for the placekicking job (Chris Hawthorne) has been inconsistent on FG's in his time at Minnesota and previously lost the job to a walk-on (who has since graduated). Essentially, FG/punting situations (as far as who kicks) are probably going to be question marks right up to, if not into, the season.

On The Schedule

The good news...

The non-conference schedule is not horrible with San Jose State (they of the potential 1st round QB but brand new head coach) looming as the toughest test in Week 4. The Gophers being 4-0 coming into their B1G opener against Iowa should not be considered an unrealistic expectation. The Gophers get their biggest rivals (Iowa/Wisconsin) as well as Nebraska at home. A second bowl game certainly looks like it is doable, even likely.

The bad news...

The seemingly easiest B1G opponent (Indiana) will get played on the road and Bloomington has been no friend to the Gophers in the past. Their game against a potential breakout Northwestern team is on the road as is the Jug game against Michigan. The home slate is not the easiest, as 3 of the 4 games look like like potential losses when you look at them on preseason paper and the 4th (Iowa) is still a tossup until proven otherwise (c'mon Greg Davis!). If I had to pick I'd prefer to see Wisconsin on the schedule early (with the expectation that the new HC's systems might take a while to gel) and Iowa late (after the inevitable Greg Davis meltdown has hit). It's quite possible the team will continue to improve but not see a change in their overall record.

If You're Talking To An Gopher Fan, Don't Mention:

Michigan 2003 or any of the Mason collapses, The Block, Northwestern's Hail Mary, the number of years since the Axe has stayed in Minnesota over the offseason, the last Iowa game (particularly the 2nd quarter), anything related to Tim Brewster, former AD Joel Maturi

Do Mention:

Seven national championships, how Floyd will be coming back home, Bronco Nagurski, Sandy Stephens, Murray Warmath, TCF Bank Stadium's niceness (did you hear it has the biggest lockeroom in football?), coaching staff continuity, Mankato Jesus, the Gophers going to another bowl in 2013.

MONDAY | Cocktail Party Preview

TUESDAY | Smartest Guys in the Room

WEDNESDAY | Hoosier Potluck

THURSDAY | Wildcard

FRIDAY | Keeping the Enemy Close

B1G 2013 // Keeping the Enemy Close: "Are You There AIRBHG? It's Me, Margaret."

2013-05-17T18:05:33Z

This is Margaret. She is a sad Iowa fan. Why is she sad? To understand that, you must first understand her life.

Her father is an Iowa State alum and her mother is a high school dropout who has been wearing Dollar General brand Iowa gear for as long as she can recall. She's a chemistry major at Iowa State, because her dad always told her to look for careers in growing fields and no line of work is exploding faster in Iowa then meth cooker. She's proud of herself because she's looking forward to using her degree in an applicable field instead of paying for a liberal arts degree and then working in the food service industry like her friends who go to Coe. And like many Iowa State students she's a proud Hawkeye fan. This greatly annoys her father, delights her toothless mother, and means she still has something in common with all of her friends who are going to school at Northern Iowa. The Iowa fans reading this are now confused because Margaret sounds just like them. But if they'd simply give OTE a few more minutes to load this story (56K modems are not known for their speed) they'd understand.

Margaret is sad because she hides a terrible secret. She doesn't know what to believe anymore. She grew up believing that everyone from Iowa, even people who go to ISU, could be Iowa fans. It didn't matter if you couldn't point out Iowa City on a map, as a resident of the state of Iowa it was your god given right to claim the University of Iowa as your own. It's was a unifying thread in the lives of Iowans; something that allowed them to escape their bland meaningless lives in the state time forgot or make them feel superior to anyone they were jealous of. This always made sense to her.

The problem was, as time passed she came to realize that loving the University of Iowa means a lot of people hate your team. Not just Minnesotans in their funny winter hats and city clothes, but fans from across the Big Ten (minus the salt of the earth residents of the best neighborhoods in Chicago – Naperville, Joliet, and Elgin). And as she found out when her father taunted her following yet another lucky win by the Cyclones this past season, even fellow Iowans hate the Hawkeyes.

Seeing the HATE coming from all sides was tough for Margaret. However the thing that really shook her to the core was realizing that there was even a deity who reveled in tormenting her team. At first some of her fellow Hawkeye fans at ISU told her it wasn't real. That it was just a story to scare all the meth addicted Hawkeye fans into behaving a little better in public. She chalked up all the running back injuries to bad luck. "Iowa Football is the best thing in the whole world!" she'd tell herself. It was the Truth, after all, everyone in Iowa thought so. There was no way that any god or mystical being would oppose such a wonderful thing as Iowa Football. But then she saw the most rabid of her kind holding festivals and performing rituals designed to sate the Vengeful One's hunger for running back related carnage. If the Angry Iowa Running Back Hating God weren't real, then why would the followers of the Cult of Batshit Insanity do such things? And if he were real, why were they selling false idols and provoking him further. It was all so confusing.

There was only one explanation. AIRBHG was real. Once she'd stopped crying over the realization, she forced herself to ask the questions that had been lingering in her mind for years..."If the Hawkeyes are so awesome, why do so many people hate them? And why is there a wrathful omnipotent figure hell bent on sabotaging our football seasons?" She knew there was only one thing to do. She had to talk to god. Not one of the god's worshipped by the major religions of the world. She had grown up in Council Bluffs, and everyone who grew up living in Council Bluffs knew that it was proof that the normal religious gods did not exist. No, she would need to pray to an immortal being with real power. She needed to pray to AIRBHG.

Are you there AIRBHG? It's me, Margaret.

WHO DARES SPEAK MY NAME?

This humble Iowa fan does oh smiteful one. I wanted to ask you why hate and running back obliterations are allowed to happen to the best football program ever in the entire world?

REALLY? IS IT NOT OBVIOUS TO YOU?

No, and it has me so confused. I thought I was living a good life. I greet everyone I meet with "Go Hawks!", I call Ames "LAmes" even though I go to school there, and I consider an act of vandalism and poorly thought out attempted theft to be one of the proudest moments in Iowa history. But the more I look around, the more I realize that people seem to hate Iowa. Even our leaders have abandoned us, locking in that overpaid dinosaur Kirk Ferentz into a gold plated contract. Sure, Barta tries to pretend he's still one of us by prank calling Jamie Pollard all the time but I'm really starting to wonder if he truly believes in Iowa football the way...

YOU HAVE BEGUN TO RAMBLE. MY TIME IS PRECIOUS. I AM IN THE MIDST OF PREPARING MY NEXT TORMENT FOR ONE OF YOUR PRECIOUS RUNNING BACKS. YOU HAVE FOOLISHLY TRIED TO SHIELD HIM BY CALLING HIM A FULLBACK. YOUR UNCEASING PRATTLING ONLY SERVES TO ANGER ME FURTHER.

Please, not Mark. He's so dreamy in a walk on kind of way. Can't you just explain all this Iowa hate to me instead?

PEOPLE HATE IOWA BECAUSE TOO MANY OF YOU ACT LIKE BEING A HAWKEYE MAKES YOU SPECIAL. THEY HATE IOWA BECAUSE EVERY TIME YOU LOSE A GAME YOU SHOULDN'T THERE ARE ALWAYS EXCUSES. NEVER ENDING EXCUSES. THE WHINING FROM THE 2005 IOWA STATE LOSS FUELED MY RAGE FOR YEARS.

But the Hawkeyes have such a proud history. Did you ever hear that we beat Minnesota 55-0? And that Brewster was so embarrassed that he personally printed the following season's media guide on a mimeograph so that he could omit the game from it's pages? And that we once stole their goalposts?

(/LOUD THUNDERCLAPS CAN BE HEARD AS AIRBHG LAUGHS)

PEOPLE FROM OUTSIDE IOWA DON'T REMEMBER 55-0. THEY ONLY RECALL 2 OF YOUR BROOD FORNICATING ON A BATHROOM FLOOR. AND NOT JUST ANY BATHROOM, A MEN'S BATHROOM AT THE METRODOME. DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW MANY PACKER FANS HAVE POOPED ON THE FLOORS IN THOSE THINGS? THEY STILL HAVEN'T LEARNED THAT THEY ARE CAPABLE OF DEFECATING IN A MANNER DIFFERENT FROM THE COWS THEY GET THEIR CHEESE FROM.

AND DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE GOALPOSTS. TEARING THEM DOWN WAS A BOLD BIT OF TROLLING. BUT RATHER THAN LEAVE ON A HIGH NOTE YOUR WALMART BRAND ENGINEERING MAJORS TRIED AND FAILED TO GET THEM OUT OF THE STADIUM. AND TO THIS DAY THE REST OF YOU PUFF YOUR CHESTS OUT WITH PRIDE LIKE YOU WERE ONE OF THE RINGLEADERS.

It's Minnesota though! We're so much better than them!

IF YOU ARE SUPERIOR TO MINNESOTA, WHY DO SO MANY OF YOU ADOPT IT'S PROFESSIONAL SPORTING CLUBS AS YOUR OWN? OH WAIT, I MOMENTARILY FORGOT THAT YOUR STATE IS TOO LOW IN STATURE TO EARN THE RIGHTS TO ANY PROFESSIONAL SPORTING ENTITY OF CONSEQUENCE.

But even Northwestern hates us. And they're just Northwestern.

YOU SHOULD LEARN NOT TO QUESTION YOUR BETTERS. THE KINGS OF CHICAGO ARE SIMPLY PUT OFF BY PEOPLE FROM DEKALB GOING TO IOWA AND CLAIMING THAT THEY ARE FROM CHICAGO. ALSO, NORTHWESTERN HAS LEARNED THAT IN ORDER TO CREATE A BETTER BREED OF BUTLER AND CHAUFFEUR, THEY MUST FIRST BREAK YOUR SPIRIT BY BESTING YOU ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE.

But what about you? Why would a powerful being like yourself want to harm something as great as Iowa football?

THERE ARE MANY REASONS, BUT I FIND MYSELF DRAWN TO TORMENTING YOU MOSTLY BECAUSE THE SMELL OF YOUR STATE AND THE ARROGANCE OF KIRK OFFEND ME. I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU MUST STORE SO MUCH PIG FECES EVERYWHERE AND WHY YOU GAVE SUCH A HUGE CONTRACT EXTENSION TO A MAN WHO FINDS MODERN OFFENSIVE IDEAS TO BE TOOLS OF THE DEVIL.

WHICH IS PREPOSTEROUS. THE DEVIL AND I ARE FRIENDS. THE TOOLS OF THE DEVIL ARE ESPN'S INFATUATION WITH THE SEC AND SKIP BAYLESS.

AND LET US NOT FORGET THE WHINING AND EXCUSES. I MIGHT ACTUALLY ALLOW YOUR RUNNING BACKS TO DEFEAT IOWA STATE THIS YEAR JUST TO SILENCE THE WHINING AND EXCUSES.

So what can I do? I don't want to be hated but being a Hawkeye fan means that the Hawkeyes are the only thing we care about. If I'm not a Hawkeye fan, how will I feel automatically superior to everyone else in the Big Ten?

BECOME AN INDIANA FAN. NO ONE HATES INDIANA AND BEING AN INDIANA FAN MEANS YOU AUTOMATICALLY RECEIVE ALL THE BENEFITS OF BEING A NOTRE DAME FOOTBALL FAN. INCLUDING A SMUG SENSE OF SUPERIORITY AND A UNHEALTHY FETISH INVOLVING FOOTBALL INDEPENDENCE.

Thanks so much AIRBHG! You're not nearly as bad as everyone in Iowa says.

(/MANIACAL LAUGH)

ER, YOU'RE WELCOME. NOW GO DO SOMETHING USEFUL AND MAKE ANOTHER BATCH OF METH FOR YOUR FRIENDS.

Months pass. All of Iowa's running backs have perished in freak silo explosion and Notre Dame is losing to Michigan while Brady Hoke taunts Brian Kelly by doing the chicken dance.

Are you there AIRBHG? It's me, Margaret. I know you're there AIRBHG. I know you wouldn't have missed this for anything!

I've realized there is something worse than being an Iowa fan...being a Notre Dame fan. I hate you AIRBHG.

B1G 2013 // OTE's Iowa Potluck - In Kirk We Trust (To Stick Too Long With A Bad Offensive Coordinator)?

2013-05-16T18:31:07Z

SB Nation's servers willing, it's time to serve you another heaping helping of B1G Potluck! This week's ~~victim~~ dinner guest: Iowa!

Hope you enjoy the Hawkeye-themed recipes (see if you can figure out the pun in recipe #3!), and the thoughts of OTE's writers on topics such as whether AIRBHG caused Iowa's offense to flatline in 2012, what to expect from Greg Davis's horizontal offense in 2013, the lifetime of indentured servitude that Kirk Ferentz is obligated to serve as coach of the Hawkeyes, and jokes (well, some of them may be funny....but not as funny as Iowa's passing attack!).

If Ferentz wants to watch the world burn, it's definitely a SLOW, controlled burn......

1. Captain Kidd's Hawk-Crushing Shrimp Rolls: What happened to Iowa in 2012? I mean, really -- WHAT HAPPENED? Because frankly I'm stumped as to how a team with a fairly talented QB by preseason measures (James Vandenberg), a tradition of good offensive lines, some decent receiving options (Keenan Davis, C.J. Fiedorowicz), a great safety (Micah Hyde), and traditionally some talent on D-line flailed around to a 4-8/2-6 season, with losses to Central Michigan, Indiana, and a home loss to Purdue. Where do you pin the blame for this (and please don't say AIRBHG)?

Ted Glover: Greg Davis, offensive coordinator. Iowa ran the most unimginative offense, week in and week out, in college football last year, and the statistics bear that out. When Iowa played with a downfield passing game, they looked good, like against Minnesota. But too often, it was way too conservative and vanilla. Look, if a schlub like me...who doesn't follow Iowa week in and week out mind you...can tell you what Davis is going to call when they break the huddle, there's something horrifically, tragically wrong with your offense. Seriously, I called 11 straight plays during the Nebraska game. That's not something I tell you to brag about, it's something I tell you to show you how bad Greg Davis is.

Jesse Collins: AIRBHG isn't even the most obvious answer. The most obvious is Greg Davis + Kirk Ferentz. From what I can tell, last year was probably worst case scenario for Iowa. They brought in an entirely different scheme, but that scheme wasn't allowed to really go all-in. Then, instead of realizing the shortcomings of its parts (specifically the lack of Marvin McNutt to bail out Vandenburg), Greg Davis gets all conservative and stops even trying to do something that might give the Hawkeyes a spark on offense. So basically you had mediocre receivers, a broken quarterback, a terrible system, and zero coherence. You know, plus AIRBHG killing off Iowa Running Backs like COTG killing Philistines. It wasn't pretty.

GoAUpher: Greg Davis happened. A review of the offensive statistical categories for Iowa shows...well, it's ugly. I'd laugh a lot harder if the Gopher defense hadn't decided to take the 2nd quarter entirely off against said ugly offense (sorry about that Floyd but don't worry, you'll be home soon). But even Greg Davis isn't to blame. The man everyone can rightfully chase with pitchforks is Captain Curt/Kirk. Ferentz is the genius who hired Greg Davis, he's the one who allowed his team to run a hurry up offense like it was Opposite Day. And he's the one who patronized his fanbase every time he blamed "execution" as the sole cause of his team's problems. Did I mention everything about this makes me smile. I would also giggle, but that would be innappropriate with Floyd stranded behind enemy lines.

MNWildcat: Greg Davis and Kirk Ferentz. There's no reason that a team capable of playing good, smash-mouth football like Iowa can should have asked James Vandenberg to run a fancy spread offense. That offense absolutely sunk Iowa, and I'm stunned--STUNNED--that no changes were made. Then again, something something Iowa something something never change something something twirly fingers and chewing gum and Kirk Ferentz.

Mike Jones: 2012 was a collective failure on both offense and defense. First, you had an offensive coordinator coming in and installing a run game that didn't even use a fullback and a pseudo west-coast passing game that wasn't anything like Ken O'Keefe's scheme. I also notice you mentioned Micah Hyde...and that was it. Iowa's defense last season was lacking in both talent and experience. The defensive line was either manned by sophomores or seniors who were only starting because there simply weren't any other viable options. The linebackers could only do so much and the secondary was a turntable of pain. Between the injuries and the "Tanner Miller Effect" it spelled doom for the Hawkeye defense.

In short, the team just wasn't that good. On the other hand you have to give them credit for staying scrappy. Iowa lost 5 games by a combined 14 points...so it's not like they were just out there laying down and taking it (see: Illinois).

BabaOReally: I may be the only person who thinks that Offensive Coordinator Greg Davis deserves a lot of the blame. Ferentz probably should've insisted on trying out a different QB when it became clear that JVB wasn't getting it done. 2012 Iowa was basically 2012 Michigan State without a great defense.

MSULaxer27: Had to go back and check. I had forgotten that the 2009 Iowa team was effectively 10 points away from an undefeated season (10-17 to NU AT HOME?!! and OSU 24-27 in Columbus). Since then it Iowa has been on a slow fall to mediocrity. 2010 8-5 (4-4), 2011 7-6 (4-4), 2012 4-8 (2-6). Since the highs of 2002-2004 (31-7 overall), Iowa has fallen off a bit but is still 58-43 (.574) with 3 bowl wins. I understand the cycles of recruiting and injuries but with the absence of a major scandal resulting in the exodus of players, how do you go from 11-2 to 4-8 in a single class? So I think this one is firmly on the coaching staff. This kind of trend does not usually bode well for a coach, but being that Ferentz is the longest tenured in the B1G and has four 10 plus win seasons with the Hawkeyes I think he will get a little more wiggle room.

Graham Filler: Greg Davis. His offensive "philosophy" matched up horribly with all the positive things that Vandenberg had done in the past. And obviously the injuries didn't help. But seriously, put all your guys in the box against last year's Iowa team. Because the routes aren't vertical and the run game threat is the only effective weapon.

2. Spicy Black Beans and Yellow Rice: Iowa's pro-style offense has traditionally thrived when it can work a punishing running game along side play action passing downfield. AIRBHG notwithstanding, the Hawkeyes look like they'll be able to run the ball in 2013 with Marc Weissman, Damon Bullock, and Jordan Canzeri. But they also lost two experience O-linemen in James Ferentz and Matt Tobin, and can they really expect much of a passing game when their best receiver is a tight end (Fiedorowicz), and they have a QB throwing the ball who has ZERO games of experience in college football in Jake Rudock? Will the Iowa offense struggle again in 2012? Can it get moving behind the running game, or will the passing game's struggles behind a young QB with few capable targets allow opponents to stuff the box with defenders?

Ted Glover: I hate to beat a dead horse here, but as long as Greg Davis is the OC I don't see Iowa having consistent success. He was bad at Texas, and took a fringe All Big Ten QB with a decent offense and turned him into a tire fire last year. And there's less to work with this year. Of course, every time we think Iowa is going to stink, Kirk Ferentz finds a 9 or 10 win season in his pocket, so we'll see.

Jesse Collins: Depends on how much you believe in Greg Davis. At his height of success - the Vince Young super year notwithstanding - he had a good not great running game with Colt McCoy leading the charge in the rushing game. What made that year so successful, however, is that he knew how to scheme around his two most talented receivers to keep opposing defense off kilter. Those two? Jordan Shipley and Quan Cosby. It was mostly successful too. They rode that to the 9th ranked offense with Greg Davis doing his job against a pretty good OSU team during bowl season. But like I said earlier, do you believe in Greg Davis? The numbers go down from there and not using the talented backs Texas amassed can arguably be the tipping point towards the hatred of him. Personally, I think he deserves this year to get things moving in the right direction. If he doesn't, expect a really awful year in Iowa City.

GoAUpher: I'm fully expecting the Hawkeyes to struggle on offense again in 2012. Mike talked yesterday about how the younger players' familiarity with Greg Davis' system would be a positive for the team. But I'm not sure how being intimately familiar with running a 1 yard pass play on 3rd and 3 is really going to help much. Any team with a decent run defense should be able to hold the Hawkeyes in check thanks to the lack of weapons in the passing game.

MNWildcat: Iowa doesn't have many wide receivers? Fine. Take a page out of Bill O'Brien's book: Mike told us on Monday that Iowa has SEVEN tight ends on scholarship. Use 'em! Look, Rudock will struggle. But C.J. Fiedorowicz and the coterie of tight ends should provide Rudock ample options over the middle. Problem is, I doubt Greg Davis is going to be changing his system to fit the players he has. Iowa's going to try to spread the field with speed they don't have and ask a completely fresh QB to make passes he's not ready to make.

Mike Jones: The Hawkeyes lost a few starters on the offensive line but get back two guys lost to injuries and some highly touted recruits will step in as starters. Furthermore, offensive line is rarely a problem at Iowa unless injuries mount up (as they did last season). With a stable of healthy running backs (for now) and some talented wide receivers there's no reason to think the Hawkeyes can't be better in 2013. On the other hand, it's not like they could get any worse. I'm also calling WR Tevaun Smith my breakout player of the year.

MSULaxer27: I don't know. Is Iowa one of those teams that does better when they have lower expectations? The easiest game(s) on their schedule are probably Purdue and Minny and both of those are on the road, which I suppose provides a better opportunity for a road win...but Floyd and OMHR Purdue! So there is that. Last year was Iowa's first losing regular season since 2000 (6-7 in 2006 was the result of a bowl loss), so this is a new experience for Ferentz. I will point to MSU's incredible success (heavy sarcasm font) last season with a brand new QB and brand new receivers as an example of what the Hawkeyes might experience with their new pieces this season.

Graham Filler: I think the most important thing is the schedule, which looks vicious, and won't help a young team adjust. We're looking at 5-7, at best. @Nebraska, @OSU...with home games against Michigan, Wisconsin, Northwestern, and Michigan State. So yeah, a youthful Hawkeye squad with an inexperienced quarterback plays six out of the seven best Big Ten teams. I see this working out well.

Get Horizontal with Greg Davis, the Iowa Offense, and Pitbull!!!!

3. Horizontal Tacos al Pastor: Now time for the biggest question mark surrounding the Hawkeyes - Kirk Ferentz. He's the B1G's longest tenured coach, and by any objective measure has been fabulous, leading Iowa to 2 BCS bowl appearances, bowl wins over the likes of LSU, Georgia Tech, and South Carolina, and 2 B1G championships (2002 and 2004). He's also criticized for hiring Greg Davis (whose track record seems to be of horizontal offensive futility), sticking too long with Ken O'Keefe, and generally failing to adapt his game plan (particularly on offense) to the changing times. He's also effectively un-fireable until 2020. Do you still believe in Kirk Ferentz? Will his steady hand lead Iowa to rebounding to the B1G's top tier (as in 2002-2004 and 2008-2009)? Or will his loyalty to ineffective assistants and refusal to change bury Iowa as its rivals (particularly Minnesota, Northwestern, and Wisconsin, but also OSU and Michigan) seem to be on the upswing under improved coaching?

Ted Glover: Get good assistants to run the offense and defense and he'll be fine. Keep the same guys with the same philosophy, and Ferentz is gooned. Well, not gooned as in get fired, because he has the best agent in the history of contract negotiations. Seriously, what was Gary Barta thinking with that extension and buyout clause? No, not monetarily gooned. But gooned as in Iowa is in danger of falling into semi-permanent irrelevancy, which is a damn shame. With programs like Minnesota and Northwestern on the upswing, Gary Andersen in Wisconsin looking to elevate Wisconsin to the next level, and Darrell Hazell and an impressive coaching staff in Purdue looking to turn things around, Iowa faces the specter of really falling behind most of the B1G schools. Ferentz really struck gold for a long time with defensive coordinator Norm Parker, and before Ken O'Keefe really started taking heat at the end of his tenure, Iowa had some of the best offenses in the conference. Those guys are gone, and Ferentz went with the safe, conservative choices in replacing them. So far, it hasn't worked, and I don't see a lot of philosophical changes for this coming season, either..

GoAUpher: You're asking a Minnesota fan if he believes in Kirk Ferentz? I believe in his ability to be a smug and prickly individual regardless of whether he is winning or losing. I believe in his ability to reliably find new sacrifices to offer to AIRBHG (WHEN WILL THE RECRUITS LEARN?). I believe that I dislike him immensely. As for whether he'll finish tanking at Iowa? I dunno. He's been boom and bust before and much like Wisconsin basketball it's probably best not to prematurely declare him finished lest he take his boring style of play and rise to a level just below the best that the B1G has to offer.

MNWildcat: Ferentz needs a new offensive coordinator. Am I a broken record yet? Just checking.

Mike Jones: Yes, I still believe in Kirk Ferentz. I'm skeptical these days but I still believe. As I wrote in a piece earlier this week: 2013 is about the future. We need the offense to gel, starters to emerge and the defense to play fundamental football. I'm not worried about wins and losses because I know it's not going to be a pretty season. I'm worried about seeing progress. I also don't think it's fair to say the assistants are ineffective after one season. There hasn't been enough of a sample size to declare Greg Davis and Phil Parker as "ineffective." Now, if 2013 is an abysmal failure...get back to me.

BabaOReally: My gut feeling tells me that 2012 was an anomoly, and Ferentz will soon have the Hawkeyes back in the postseason. I think they'll settle in as a third tier conference team in the coming years. There will be more 7-5 and 6-6 years than anything, with a few 8-4 seasons sprinkled in.

MSULaxer27: Ferentz has earned the opportunity to turn the team around.

Arguably BHGP's greatest work.....

4. Iowa Farmer Today's Chocolate Refrigerator Dessert: If Iowa fans are blessed in any manner (aside from once having big-ass turkey legs outside of Kinnick), it is by having the funniest team blog in the universe at Black Heart, Gold Pants. In honor of BHGP, tell a joke. Any joke.

Ted Glover: Tim Beckman. THAT'S THE JOKE...

Jesse Collins: Pshh... I'm from Nebraska, we don't know what jokes are here. Duh.

GoAUpher: What do Iowa fans and Minnesota fans have in common? None of them have degrees from the University of Iowa.

MNWildcat: Iowa's offense.

Mike Jones: A joke? Uh, ok. In question #3 you named Northwestern as one of Iowa's "rivals." That's my joke.

BabaOReally: Indiana University Football.

MSULaxer27: In the spirit of dessert, from a Laffy Taffy wrapper: How do you repair a broken Jack O' Lantern? With a pumpkin patch!

Graham Filler: "You may not be a winner in life, but you can always be a winner at a silent auction." - overheard at a county dinner last week. That's some Midwest humor right there.

C.E. Bell: Two guys are at work, eating lunch. The first guy says "Man, I'm really in the doghouse with my wife. On Friday, we were heading to Pittsburgh to visit my in-laws for the weekend. When I got up to the ticket counter, there was this beautiful, large-breasted attendant behind the counter. When she asked what she could help us with, instead of saying "2 tickets to Pittsburgh," I accidentally said "2 pickets to Tits-berg." I'm still sleeping on the couch!"

The 2nd guy says: "I know exactly how you feel. The other day, I was sitting having breakfast with my wife. I meant to say: "Honey, will you please pass the syrup?" but instead I slipped up and said "BITCH YOU RUINED MY LIFE!""