Let's be honest. Two of the easiest columns to write (and get feedback from your readers) are 1) the power rankings column and 2) the pop culture comparison column. Much like that magical day when somebody got their peanut butter on my chocolate (or did I get my chocolate in her peanut butter?), it was predestined that one day these two great columns would be brought together...
Before we start, a word of thanks to CPT Hoolie who delivered an outstanding substitute poll last week. Much appreciated. The way he seamlessly adopted the style that I had spent the first five polls mastering really gave me a good feeling. It made me feel like a mentor. And really, isn't that what we all need? Someone who can help guide us through the new challenges that we face?
Now maybe it was of because of where I was in my life - approximately the same age as the characters - but few television shows ever nailed the need for mentors better than Scrubs. So that's where we find our teams this week - cast as the characters of the funniest show of the last decade*.
By the way, if it's easier for you to imagine this as one of JD's dream sequences, go right ahead...
*You can disagree with this. That just means that you're wrong. And if you haven't watched the "My Way Home" episode, you're not allowed to even argue with me.
1. Michigan State - 95 Points (7 1st Place Votes) - Last Week: 1 - Dr. Perry Cox
In the end, he was in power. He also had a history of being self-defeating and self-destructive. There was always the fear that those traits could rear their head at any moment. Cared more about basketball than football.
2. Wisconsin - 89 Points (1 1st Place Vote) - Last Week: 2 - The Janitor
Originally spawned from JD's mind. Developed into a lovable bully. Always aspired to greatness, and often seemed on the cusp.
3. Ohio State - 79 Points - Last Week: 4 - Dr. Bob Kelso
He ran Sacred Heart Hospital for quite a long time. Sure, there would be the occasional slip up, but everyone always knew who was in charge. By the end though, he was forced out. His day had passed. Much of the rest of the hospital staff thought of him as evil.
4. Iowa - 70 Points - Last Week: 3 - Dr. John "J.D." Dorian
Obviously, the lovable hero of our story, he was well known for slipping off into fantasies to escape the harsh realities that faced him in the hospital. He hated sports, and there is no evidence that he knows how to run a two minute drill.
5. Nebraska - 67 Points - Last Week: 5 - Jordan Sullivan Cox
Still thinks that she is as attractive as she was fifteen years ago, and while she's not bad, she's not what she was. She comes from old money and is happy enough to push it around.
6. Michigan - 50 Points - Last Week: 6 - Dr. Elliot Reed
Saddled with huge expectations, Elliot vacillated back and forth between sexy and "a great, big ball of crazy." A popular date because her defenses were generally accepted to be pretty weak.
7. Illinois - 47 Points - Last Week: 7 - Dr. Todd Quinlan
"I know Bonnie's good and Figsack has mad hands, but somehow I keep forgetting that The Todd is a skilled surgeon." And now you're picturing Ron Zook on the waterski, aren't you?
8. Northwestern - 46 Points - Last Week: 8 - Dan Dorian
JD's brother, who loved popping out of nowhere and shocking him. He had some incredibly powerful appearances, when he could hold his own with any member of the cast. Then, he would go away for long periods of time.
9. Penn State - 32 Points - Last Week: 9 - Dr. Chris Turk
10. Purdue - 23 Points - Last Week: 10 - Nurse Carla Espinoza Turk
Turk and Carla...two leading characters that seemed misused as the series went on. The characters were incomplete, their performances were poorly scripted, and neither could carry an episode on their own.
11. Indiana - 18 Points - Last Week: 11 - Dr. Doug Murphy
Doug: Sir, if I could just take this chance to explain my disturbingly high mortality rate...
Dr. Kelso: Why don't I do that for you? You're a bad doctor.
12. Minnesota - 8 Points - Last Week: 12 - Ted Buckland, Esq.
"Ted is not an impressive man." Trapped in a world of medical professionals, it's obvious that this lawyer does not belong. He might have been a better fit at the Miller Anderson Collins (MAC) or Smith Unger Nelson Belt firms, but as a member of the Sacred Heart staff, he'll always be the laughing stock.
The Big Ten Power Poll is voted upon by the eight writers of this staff. 96 is a perfect score. 8 is the lowest possible total.