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Minnesota Football: Get me Mike Leach

If you didn't know any better, if you were to talk to a Gopher football fan these days, you would think that it was the off-season for football.  

Honestly, we don't even talk about the actual football being played on the field anymore.  Part of the reason is because we pretty much know what we're going to get every week (trying to establish the run, reverting to the pass, a 50% of lower completion % by Adam Weber, a circus catch by Da'Jon McKnight, we can't get a sack, we get torn up by off-tackle runs, we can't tackle... OUR PETS HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!!!).  But the bigger reason is because our program is looking for a new coach.

No, really, I mean it, we are.  I'm surprised you haven't heard about how horrible of a coach Tim Brewster turned out to be.  About how he was all talk and no walk.  About how he was a pretty good recruiter, but that didn't really matter because he didn't know what to do with the recruits once he got them on the field.

It's all true.  

Anyway, we've wanted a new coach for about 13 weeks, but we've actually needed a  new coach for about 3.  (Don't look for any breakdowns of interim head coach Jeff Horton's skills as a coach... I could do without the head implosion today.)  

So what do we (the fans) want in a new coach?  In a name: Mike Leach.  

It's pretty simple.  Leach took a program at Texas Tech that was at a disadvantage to its D-I football brethren in the state of 10-gallon hats and he recruited well, graduated his players well and most importantly, he won games.  He's the ONLY candidate that the Gophers could get who would strike fear in opposing teams.  It's highly likely that when the Gophers land a new coach much of the Big Ten will be saying "yeah, but it's still Minnesota."  Mike Leach might be the only coach who wouldn't illicit that response.

But you know, Leach is a weirdo, and the University of Minnesota is a strait-laced organization, and unfortunately that means that we tend to think that we don't associate with weirdos... to which I would respond "did you MEET Tim Brewster?"  There also happens to be that little matter of Craig James' kid who was apparently a cry-baby whiner who Leach decided should spend some quality time in a dark shed due to a concussion... to which I would respond "do you have a better idea?"

So we're not getting Leach.  We really aren't even considering him.  Which chaps my ass to no end... but I guess I kind of get it.  I don't have to like it, but I get it.

So what is it about Leachy that we like, and can we find it in another guy?

Here is a list of things about Leach that I like that we could hopefully find in another coach:

  • Head Coaching experience at the D-I level
  • A history of winning
  • A creative recruiter
  • A real X's & O's guy
  • Somebody who isn't Minnesota-nice (i.e. passive-aggressive)
  • A history of scaring the crap out of opposing coordinators
Here is a list of things about Leach that I like that we probably won't be able to find in another coach:
  • Likes pirates
  • Talks a lot about pirates
  • Has a pirate statue in his office
  • Thinks pirates are better than soldiers
  • Has said the words "fat little girlfriends" in a press conference