Re-alignment and the Cola Wars...

This is my assessment of how the teams of the BIG Whatever should
consider their futures and make any decisions considering
realignment...You can use burger chains, retail stores, or anything
else in your own analogies.

Texas - Coca Cola;...

 It pains me to admit it, but in the BIG Solve for X
universe, UT is Coca Cola. Like Coke, they control
product placement, market share, etc. and everyone else is either
gunning for them or dependent on them..You will be just fine wherever you end
up..PAC Solve for X, BIG Solve for Y, or independent, that is provided your
obsession with having your own network doesn't develop into a New Coke
type situation.

OU - Pepsi; Sorry, Boomer.  You are Pepsi to the Longhorns'
Coke. That's the bad news. The good news're Pepsi! Though you
are second to Texas, if anyone has a chance to knock them from their
perch, it's you. To be quite honest, you have at least a storied
history and rich tradition and I personally prefer you to UT, although
I prefer Coke to Pepsi. Do yourself a favor and stop deferring to
Texas. It's embarrassing. For most of the last century, Pepsi
executives have spent every waking moment trying to put Coca Cola out
of business, or at least unseat them and you're going along with
whatever UT decides??? No Pepsi executive has ever suggested going
along with whatever Coke does...and kept his job.

OK State - Mountain Dew; Cowboys, you are oh so close to carving out
your own identity...but you're not quite there. You must, for now, tie
your fortunes to one of the BIG 2 and do you really want to be tied to
Texas? Besides...the Bedlam Series has been great the last few years
and I would hate to lose it.

Texas A&M - Dr Pepper; You're not  cola or root're
different.  Though you've never been as big as either of the BIG 2,
you have a following of your own and a very respectable history. Your
band, yell-leaders, Revelry, etc will definitely add to the fabric of whatever
conference you join. Congratulations on making a decision to benefit
Texas A&M.  To paraphrase Jerry Maguire, "Texas A&M, you've got guts!!!"

Missouri - RC Cola; You are the biggest of what's left and you have at
times vied to become one of the "big boys" yourself. You have a very
proud tradition and nothing to be ashamed of...Know that you will
definitely be  more of an asset to any conference than a liability, so
choose wisely.

Texas Tech - Shasta; We once thought you were one of the heavyweights
and recently, you were right there. Now, at such a critical point in
history, you've allowed yourself to become an also-ran. Your location
and lack of "pop" puts you at a huge disadvantage once any
negotiations begin.  You are likely Mountain West
appropriate for Shasta?

Kansas - Diet Big K/Kansas State - Big K; Yes, Kansas...if this was
basketball, you would be Coca Cola. However, this situation and
discussion is entirely about football and when it comes to football,
you are definitely generic. Spare me the talk about your rich history
and the glory days. That is so far in the past that you have been
irrelevant for the entirety of the avg college football fan's life.
If not for basketball, you would have been banished from BCS conference
consideration years ago. Kansas were a player a few years
ago and might have rated at least a good independent root beer back, you're just Kansas without the good basketball program.
One of the Mega Conferences is sure to need filler to make it to 16...
you will fit the bill.

Baylor - Tab; Apparently, your most recent success has you somewhat
delusional.  You think you have a say in the future of BIG Solve for X
football or yourself...but you don't!!!  You are there to serve at the
leisure of UT, therefore, you're Tab.You've filled a need that
Coke/Texas had and now you will be replaced by whoever they deem as
fit to be Diet Coke. Pray that the BIG Solve for X Conference
survives...otherwise, you could suffer the embarrassment of being
turned down by the  Mountain West.
P.S. Stop suing people!

Iowa State - Fresca is actually a little too good for you. You're more
like the concoction that my mother-in-law serves occasionally with
Sunday dinner. We all like it and have come to look forward to
just doesn't belong on a grocery store shelf with Coke, Pepsi, or Dr
Pepper and you never belonged in this conference. You would probably
find the WAC much more suitable.

Houston - (I know that you are in Conference USA, but when the rumors
that Texas A&M was leaving broke, you were the first to jump up and
yell, "Ooh! Ooh! Pick me!!!") There fore, you are Dad's Root
Beer/Frostie Root Beer/IBC Root Beer; You had your chance to run with
the big dogs, but when push came to shove, you were just a regional
operation. You have no footprint in the market, little distribution,
and less name recognition. You weren't invited to be in the BIG Solve
for X as a result. Round up your fellow SWC rejects, SMU and TCU, and
perhaps you can broker a deal that would make you junior partners in
the firm.