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12 B1G Coaches Enter The Octagon, Only One Walks Out. Who Ya Got?

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New OSU coach Luke Fickell was interviewed by Dan Patrick on his radio program today, and during the course of said interview, Fickell was asked who would win a 12 man Battle Royale, MMA style.  Fickell, of course, declared he would, and since he's the youngest of the bunch, and a former all-state wrestler, putting him as the #1 seems like a safe bet.

But how would you rank order them, 1-12?  College Football Talk took a stab at it, and I have to say, their seeding and reasoning behind it was pretty spot on:

11.) Ron Zook, Illinois — He’d land the best trainers, nutritionists and ring managers in the country ahead of the main event, then trip and break his nose, an arm and two ribs during the first 30 seconds of the fight.

10.) Mark Dantonio, Michigan State — A heart condition last year places the wily and savvy veteran farther down on the list than he probably should be.

9.) Kevin Wilson, Indiana — Screaming "Hoosier daddy!!!" as he entered the octagon would do nothing but push Fickell into a psychotic rage.

8.) Kirk Ferentz, Iowa — Fickell has nearly 20 years on the Hawkeyes coach.  Back in the day, however, we get the feeling Ferentz would punch his opponent in the throat within nanoseconds of the bell ringing, gouge his eyes for a minute or two, then call it a day by two-fisted shooting Budweisers from atop the cage.

7.) Pat Fitzgerald, Northwestern — If this were a real list, Coach Fitzgerald would be much higher.  Since it’s not, he’s stuck here.

6.) Brady Hoke, Michigan — He’s big, so this seemed to be a proper rough guesstimation of how he’d stack up against the other conference coaches.

5.) Danny Hope, Purdue — The mustache.  Enough said.

4.) Jerry Kill, Minnesota — Forget the glasses and eighth-grade-phys-ed-teacher look; the man’s surname is a verb that means "to deprive of life in any manner".

3.) Bret Bielema, Wisconsin — Realistically, this would be Fickell’s toughest challenger based on size and pedigree; however, the Badgers’ head coach recently became engaged, which means — based on my own personal experience — his testosterone levels are at all-time lows.

2.) Bo Pelini, Nebraska — You’ve seen him on the sidelines, right?  Now, put him in a cage where only one person could walk out a winner.

1.) Joe Paterno, Penn State — Two words: he taught Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer – and ninjas — everything they know…

So, who ya got?  I'd put Fitzgerald ahead of Bielema and move everyone else down accordingly, but that's about all I'd change, because it's obvious Joe Paterno is immortal.