Post Week 13 - Bowl Projections

USC tried. Failed.

Florida State tried. Failed.

Oregon State tried. Failed.

UCLA tried. Failed.

Clemson tried. Fuck Clemson.

Auburn didn't try and decided to lay down and take it like they were drunk after a kegger at Brohio State. Now Gene Chizik is updating his resume and hoping someone will hire him despite a head coaching record of 38-38 (24-38 without Cam Newton). Maybe he can join Tim Brewster in the "washed-up were supposedly once hot young coordinators" club and live off of Chizik Nickels.

Speaking of USC, who thought the Trojans would actually live up their #1 ranking and play for a national title? Only me? Oh, sorry guys. Sorry I thought Lane Kiffin wasn't a complete waste of space. Turns out he's just Monte's son. Nothing more, nothing less.

Now all Notre Dame has to do is sit back and wait for the SEC game to unfold. If Alabama wins they'll take on the Fighting Irish in Miami. If the Crimson Tide lose, it's all Bulldogs. While we're on the topic of Georgia why don't we look back on their excellent schedule and their opponents' Sagarin ratings (as of now):

That calls for:

To review: Georgia beat exactly one top 25 team. The next "best" team they beat was Vanderbilt. The same Vanderbilt that lost to Northwestern and has wins over Presbyterian, Missouri, Auburn, UMass, Kentucky, Ole Miss, Tennessee and Wake Forest. None of those teams have winning records. But let's not stop there. On to Alabama:

See above video. It's sobering, isn't it? Through the first five weeks the college football world was of the opinion "there's Alabama and there's everyone else." Now I'm asking myself "Holy hell, who did Alabama even play?" See, there's this belief that SEC teams are a cut above the rest because of PAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW SPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEED and strength and lack of learning and probation and grade fixing and schoolbooks and paying fathers so that their sons will attend Auburn and Mike Shula and probation and heart problems and motorcycles and probation and engaged women with ficticuous positions in the athletic department and everything Houston Nutt did his entire head coaching career. In response to this belief I'd like to quote an article by Paul Newberry of the Huffington Post:

This season, the 14-team SEC has a grand total of 14 non-conference games against opponents from the other so-called major conferences. And four of those are pretty much mandated by in-state rivalries – an early season meeting between Kentucky and Louisville of the Big East, plus Saturday's games against three Atlantic Coast Conference opponents: Georgia hosting Georgia Tech, Florida traveling to Florida State, and South Carolina playing at Clemson.

Mississippi State and Texas A&M didn't schedule anyone from another Bowl Championship Series conference. The only SEC teams that played more than one were Vanderbilt, which lost to Northwestern (Big Ten) and travels to Wake Forest (ACC) on Saturday, and newcomer Missouri, which apparently has yet to learn how the game is played since it met both Arizona State (Pac-12) and Syracuse (Big East).

Obviously, that article was written before Florida and South Carolina defeated their respective opponents. Still, you shouldn't color me impressed. Aside from a couple in-state rivalries, where's the dominance over stiff OOC opponents? We're under the impression that the SEC is so dominant because all they do is play each other? This isn't to say that I don't think the SEC is the best conference in the nation or that the Big Ten is somehow on their level because LOLOLOL the Big Ten is turrible this season. I'm only saying that the SEC is incredibly top-heavy and their middle-tier/bottom-tier is mediocre to awful so stop boasting about how awesome it is from top to bottom. Oh, and the conference should also prove itself by scheduling OOC games that don't involve a directional Carolina.

In the final week of the regular season a few of our beloved (or hated) Big Ten teams scratched their way to bowl eligibility, one made my upset pick look foolish and Illinois cannot (and never will) have nice things. Iowa and Nebraska kicked off the week of football by lulling everyone to sleep on Black Friday. The game started off as expected: Nebraska runs ball down Iowa's throat, Iowa does nothing to stop it, Iowa miraculously holds the Huskers to a field goal. Iowa then does the unexpected: drives right down the field and scores, taking a 7-3 lead. That was the last time we saw Iowa's offense. Something something Greg Davis something James Vandenberg something Rex Burkead, Iowa loses 13-7.

Northwestern bitchslapped Illinois 50-14. No, seriously, it was a bitchslapping and looked exactly like this:

via gifsoup.com

Ohio State capped off their perfect season by defeating Michigan 26-21. I question whether Ohio State would've went undefeated if they weren't banned from the postseason. I think the bowl ban created a "well, it's not like there's anything to lose" mentality and gave the Buckeyes an extra chip on their shoulder. Then again, I always overestimate the importance of emotion in college football and could easily turn that statement around by pointing out how important it is that they didn't have anything to play for.

Purdue beats Indiana. Purdue then beats Danny Hope.

Michigan State clawed past Minnesota and got bowl eligible. Jerry Kill had another seizure during halftime (I believe). Check MNWildcat's article for that.

Oh Biels. You lost to Sam Ficken. LOL.

Finally, if Kent State wins the MAC this weekend and UCLA loses the Pac-12 Championship game, there's going to be a wrench thrown into these projections. Fortunately, I think NIU will beat the Golden Flashes.

On to the projections.

First, remember the rules:

• The best teams don't always go to the best games. In the end, butts in the seat and eyes to the television are the biggest factors.
• The order of BCS selection (and we're bringing the title game back to South Beach this season) is 1) Replacement for #1 Team; 2) Replacement for #2 Team; 3) Fiesta Bowl; 4) Sugar Bowl; 5) Orange Bowl.
• If a Big Ten or Pac-10 team qualifies for the BCS Championship Game, the Rose Bowl will NOT be required to take a non-automatic qualifier. This was only required of the Rose Bowl the first time (2010 season) it occurred over the current four-year contract.
• The Insight Bowl is now the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl. Per the one and only Brendan Stiles, the Gator Bowl gets the first pick between the two.
• Apparently, the Outback Bowl only takes teams from the SEC East and Auburn.
• The TicketCity Bowl is now the Heart of Dallas Bowl.

Here's a full breakdown of the Big Ten bowl tie-ins:

Now that we've gotten the formalities out of the way, let's get to the projections.

All helmet images credit to The Helmet Project.