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Remembering Biels: A Photo Essay

A look back at ex-Wisconsin coach Bret Bielema's life (so far) via photos.

Less than a week ago the shocking news broke that Bret Bielema was leaving Wisconsin and accepting the head coaching position at the University of Arkansas. As an Iowa alum, I had a personal attachment to Bielema, who played and coached for the Hawkeyes under Hayden Fry and am saddened by his departure to a state whose official color is camouflage. Thus, I decided to do a little research and share with you some memorable images of Bielema, who held a special place in all of our hearts. Without further delay I present Remembering Biels: A Photo Essay.


The first known picture of Bret Bielema, who was born 45lbs 4oz. His mother, Patricia, had to be sewn back together.


Bielema prior to visiting Willy Wonka's famous chocolate factory. He was later banned from the factory after eating an entire Oompa Loompa.


Biels senior prom photo.


Bielema after his first night of drinking at the University of Iowa. This picture is interesting because we usually pass out with Tri-Deltas, sows or meth labs. Where they got a filly I'll never know.


Bielema, already wearing traitorous Wisconsin attire, explaining to Hayden Fry why he's a much better coach, why he needs to be coaching the Hawkeyes, why he's a better QB than Matt Sherman and why he needs to be paid in bar dollars and popped collar polos. Bielema was later banned from Kinnick Stadium until Jim Delany bribed Bob Bowlsby into allowing him back onto the field.



Bielema, nicknamed "Gator" in college, prior to heading out for a big night in Iowa City. He was later banned from every bar after removing his shirt, puking on the dance floor, reaching over the bar, double fisting cognac out of dixie cups, slapping his "hoes" and eating everybody's buffalo wings.


Biels prior to semi-formal at Delta Iota Kappa. He purchased 16 Ralph Lauren polos for the occasion.


Bielema partying with Wisconsin girls during the second half of the 2011 Rose Bowl. He was MIA for the remainder of the bowl, just like the Wisconsin running game.



Bielema after accepting the Arkansas head coaching position. (Click image to view)


Bielema in 20 years. Or 10 years. Or right now.



Bielema in real life. No, this is actually a real picture. Is he pregnant? Is his belly button about to pop? Is he going for the Charlie Weis look?

Sigh. We'll miss you Biels. Godspeed, sir.