Dearest Conference Colleagues-
Hope this postcard finds you well! We had a great year- things were a little tough for a while when the offense went into a ditch back in September there, but since we pulled 'er out and gave her an overhaul, she's running better than ever! Well, maybe not better than ever, but well enough, you know? Jim's just done wonders with the line and tight ends, it makes you wonder if maybe he's gotten too much grief for some problems in the past, doesn't it?
Connor finally got his license to run the offense this year, and Lord knows he's hit some bumps along the way, but you should see him now! We'll have to send you some film of him torching Buckeye defensive backs. The visceral hate in his eyes when he sees the uniform of the school he grew up loving, that didn't recruit him, which he is now rending on the field, is just priceless! He reminds us so much of Le'Veon, B.J., Jerel...what a fun tradition!
Defense is still just chuggin' along, you know how it is, shattering planets, swallowing galaxies, and warping alternate planes of existence with its space-time melting power. It's going to be weird next year with Max, Denicos, Darqueze and Isaiah all gone, but we'll get used to it, I'm sure. Little Shilique made 1st team All Conference this year, can you believe it? They grow up so fast!
Cold enough for you back there in the Midwest? Haha, just kidding! Oh, almost forgot, some of you are on trips to Florida or Texas. Sounds fun! Hope you have a good time! Please don't slaughter the conference's national esteem before our game even starts, k? But don't worry about it if New Years' Day doesn't go well, it probably won't make a difference in what the neighbors think of us anyway. And who cares what they think really Win that wings-eating contest, throw out some fun trick plays, enjoy it! You earned it, and there will be literally dozens of people watching! And for those of you stuck at home, dig in to that Ro*Tel and keep your chin up, it's basketball season!