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What My Mom and Her Friend Think of the B1G Basketball Coaches

My Mom and her friend watch a lot of Big Ten basketball. They have some hard-hitting opinions about the coaches that they'd like to share.

David Banks-USA TODAY Sports

In the echo chamber of the sports blog internet, most of the opinions are espoused by the same type of people. You know what I mean. Look at yourself in the mirror. Chances are an OTE writer looks just like you. We don't get too many opinions from the older set (except for Ted), so we are always looking for outsider opinions.

With that in mind, I asked my mom and her friend (we'll call her S.) to give their opinions of the conference's bball coaches. My mom is a Purdue fan (of course, because she is a good person) and S. is an Indiana fan (and somehow still not a bad person). They both watch a lot of Big Ten basketball, so they know their stuff. They're not afraid to speak their minds, no matter how controversial their opinions may be. Try not to be offended.

Tom Crean

M: He's always pulling up his pants. He needs a new belt.

S: Ever heard of Brylcreem? People used it to slick their hair back. I call him Bryl Crean.

Fran McCaffery

M: He looks like a mean professor, not a basketball coach.

S: Mr. Smith Goes to Washington

Tubby Smith

M: I think he's a very nice person. He and his wife are always doing charity stuff. He says nice things about the other coaches. I'm glad he got rid of the mustache.

S: It was funny when he did that hip-hop dance in the locker room. I'm also glad he doesn't have the mustache.

Matt Painter

M: I like him, so I'm not going to say anything bad about him.

S: Can't think of anything.

Tom Izzo

M: He's a whiner. He's made a lot of money whining, so I guess it works for him.

S: Cozy with the refs. I think Michigan State plays too rough.

Pat Chambers

M: He looks like he has patience. He seems alright.

S: He reminds me of a movie mobster.

Thad Matta

M: He gets red faced as an apple when he gets excited. Can't think of anything else to say about him.

S: He's a stomper.

John Beilein

M: He did some kind of an offense or defense on a napkin in a restaurant or something. Did you hear about that?

S: He's from West Virginia. Form your own opinion.

John Groce

M: Don't know him that well. He's kind of a hot head, always hollering at his players and that stuff.

S: Five hour energy.

Bill Carmody

M: The calm man. Always drinking from that green cup. He barely puts his hand up and moves his fingers just a little. Sometimes you don't think he's a coach, but he really is.

S: He has movie star qualities. It looks like he is acting, like Clark Gable being cool and calm.

Tim Miles

M: The guy with the glasses and the dark hair. He should be working on a computer or something.

S: No opinion.

Bo Ryan

M: Buggy-eyed Bo. I think he's nice underneath his buggy eyes. I think he's a good coach.

S: The eyes are the main thing about him. The stare that glares.

What do you guys think? Feel free to agree or disagree with their takes in the comments, but if you make fun of my mom or her friend you are a terrible person, even by internet standards.