Cerro Gordo County, Iowa, police are reporting that standout Iowa offensive lineman Brandon Scherff has been detained for allegedly stealing an entire steer from a pasture. Local Union Township farmer Dave Brown called in the crime around 1:45am CST, according to the Cerro Gordo County Sheriff, Timothy Larson.
"I was just up to fry a late-night pork tenderloin before heading to bed, look out the window, and damned if I don't see the barn floodlight shinin' on Old Gus with all four legs in the air, and some big hulkin' thing carryin' ‘em right on off into the forest!" Brown reported.
"We caught Mr. Scherff trying to fit the entire Holstein onto his moped just across Old Beaver Creek, right outside Mr. Brown's property," Larson reported. Scherff has yet to be charged with anything, though cattle theft with intent to consume across county lines is a Class 2 misdemeanor in Iowa.
Scherff had earlier drawn the attention of the legal community for his run-in with a University of Iowa sophomore this spring. Allegedly, leaving noted Iowa City hotspot Brothers Bar at 2:15am one morning, Scherff failed to hold the door for Maria DiMarco, 20, of Naperville, Illinois. Despite this shocking lack of respect for the young lady, Big Ten Commissioner announced shortly thereafter that there was no intention to strip Scherff of his 2013 First Team All-Big Ten award.
When pressed for comment, Iowa coach Kirk Ferentz chewed his bubble gum, scribbled something in his notepad, and said that he'd told Scherff to hustle off. Athletic Director Gary Barta is expected to hold a press conference at 2pm CST this afternoon.
Iowa State AD Jamie Pollard said in a statement, "We are disappointed to learn the actions of our cross-state rival's star lineman. If the University of Iowa truly believed that ‘America Needs Farmers,' Scherff would not have performed this heinous crime." No plans were officially announced, but rumors have circulated that Iowa State has ordered the construction of three new billboards in Cerro Gordo County.
The incident is not considered to be a major distraction for the Hawkeyes as they look to build on the success of their 2013 campaign, though many pundits have speculated that if Scherff was a true Iowan, he wouldn't have bothered with the steer. He would've gone whole hog.