FanPost

And now...a very special edition of Fanposts.


Hello, if you are reading this fanpost, I want to thank you for taking the time to do so. Usually fanposts are all over the place, from the funny, to the informative, to the fuck you and go die variety. This one is special and unique fanpost, in fact, a very special edition. Recently I was privy to an intervention that was held by all 11 members of the Big Ten plus Indiana and Purdue, as they confronted Iowa. What you are about to read is the transcript of that night. After you're done reading, please take a second to reflect on what you have read. And maybe even have a talk with your AD.

About 9:30pm Iowa arrives at a house, where he was told there would be a party. Iowa has entered the living room.

Iowa: "What's going on, here? I thought we were having a party."

Nebraska: "Iowa, we're all here cause we care about you and we all feel that we need to talk. We want to let you know how your recent behavior has affected us and let you know, we are here to help you. Now, lets start out with Michigan State."

Michigan St: "Dear Iowa, we hate the fact that we look at you, and we see ourselves. Not only will we soon go back to being average, but we are stuck playing in East Lansing. You know what's the best part about East Lansing, Michigan? Leaving. Please stop over paying your average coach and get with the program. You are hurting us."

Nebraska: "Moving and true, best part about East Lansing, is leaving. Next up, Michigan."

Michigan: "Ah, *burp* fuck you dude. *burp* Be a Michigan man fuckface. If any team is going to overpaid for their coach, *burp* is us! Fuckface, jerk. Why does your stupid overpaid coach wear a headset? So he can hear how much he sucks?"

Nebraska: "Okay then, next is Northwestern."

Northwestern: "Ah, Iowa, we calculated the total of wins of your program has under Ferentz and divide by the amount of points allowed by your defense, and multiplied that by the circumference of the sun, divided it the girth of Ferentz pants, and concluded that...you guys are paying Ferentz way too much, just way too much. I mean, that guy is robbing you guys nearly as bad as we're robbing kids that come to our school in hopes of making a living with a journalism major."

Nebraska: "Deep, next up Maryland."

Maryland: "We don't really know you, but you guys seems like you are doing great. Say, do you guys have a few million you could spot us. We are so good for it, we'll pay you right back! Please, anything, c'mon like, why don't you just lets us go through your couch and keep all your spare change, PLEASE! Can you at least buys us a crab and cheese sandwich? "

Nebraska: "Terrific, so moving, next is Rutgers."

Rutgers: "FUCK YOU, YOU FUCKING ASSHOLES DIPSHITS MOTHERFUCKERS PIECES OF SHIT CORN SUCKING PIG FUCKING DICKLESS DOUCHE BAGS IDIOTS RUN IN FRONT OF A FUCKING TRAIN YOU FUCKING MORONS!"

Nebraska: "Moving stuff, next up is Illinois."

Illinois: "Hey guys, you guys remembered us? Thanks for the invite! Hey Northwestern! Ah, yes, Iowa don't overpay your head coach. But if you want to hang out, that would be cool. You want to drink a couple of wine coolers? Anyone doing anything after this? Maybe go to Sonic's, anyone? anyone?"

Dead silence for ten minutes.

Nebraska: "Alright, so lets not invite Illinois again, next is Ohio State."

Ohio State: "Is funny, cause when we heard we were doing an intervention for Iowa to help it stop overpaying their football head coach, we laughed a little. But that laughter turned to tears, when we realized that soon, all of you will be doing the same thing for us, after Urban splits or has brain aneuysm following this season...I guess...I guess he who laughs the most, laughs the loudest, at the last place. Fuck, man we didn't come here to play school."

Nebraska: "Very insightful. Now, we have a special guest, Iowa State."

Iowa State: "Dear Iowa, we wish you would stop overpaying your coach. Having to share the state with you is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm with Stupid, but that doesn't mean that I'm not stupid either." So, please stop overpaying him, please, do it for Iowa. People think we overpay our coach too, just cause of proxy."

Nebraska: "Thought provoking, next is Penn State."

Penn State: "Hey guys, look Iowa, if you want to continue to overpay crappy ass Ferentz, that's your business, but I tell you what you can't do. That is look at James Franklin! You better not even sniff him. Don't you try to come after him! Don't do it, you bastards! Don't take James from us! James, please say you will stay forever! PLEASE!"

Nebraska: "Riveting, moving along, Minnesota."

Minnesota: "So, the movie The Crazies, that's like a documentary, right? Anyone knows? Oh, and don't overpay your coach."

Nebraska: "Really feeling the love, next is Wisconsin."

Wisconsin: "First we thought that overpaying any head coach was pathetic. And yeah, we had our fat hog leave us for a mediocre school and that sucked. But then we remembered something. Our calling card for game tradition, is playing an early 90's one hit wonder. How crappy is that? We play a stupid early 90's one hit wonder? Who would do such a stupid thing but us?"

Nebraska: "We all agree, anyone left?"

Purdue and Indiana: "Yeah! Us! Look, Iowa we want--"

Nebraska: "Okay, we're all done then. Look Iowa, we know why you are overpaying, you are trying to become us. And to be honest, is never going to happen. You guys are too much Iowa to ever be Nebraska. Be happy in the middle of the pack, and we only say this, cause we love you. We do, just remember Iowa, Nebraska loves you, and has the best intentions in our hearts for you."

There you have it, folks. Share this with a friend, a love one, or even a stranger. Don't let someone you know, fall to the trap of overpaying their head coach. Til next time, remember, thehobodownthestreet loves you all.

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