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WIWNC: Week 4

Why did I choose this article series?

Odds the B1G goes 2-0 against Navy? Don't ask Vegas.
Odds the B1G goes 2-0 against Navy? Don't ask Vegas.
Tommy Gilligan-USA TODAY Sports

We avoided "burn mattress" levels last week. That's a positive.

General Guidelines for the Non-Con in 2014

No losses to non-AQ schools
2-1 against Notre Dame
Protect yo turf (no home losses)

Don't screw this up too badly.

Wha' Happened?

We're done talking about it.

What I Want, Week 4:

(All games Saturday, all times CST, all rankings AP.)

Northwestern (no line) vs. Western Illinois (11am, ESPNews): Just shut up and win. Don't embarrass us.

Iowa (+7) @ Pitt (11am, ESPNU): I still think Iowa can slow James Donner and win this game. The Hawkeyes are a capable enough defense. I want a B1G win on the road.

#11 Michigan State (-45) vs. Eastern Michigan (11am, BTN): I want to watch the world burn. Go Eagles.

Purdue (no line) vs. Southern Illinois (11am, BTN): I want this game not to happen. Come onnnn, isolated lightning storm.

#19 Wisconsin (-27) vs. Bowling Green (11am, ESPN): I want to see Wisconsin eviscerate Bowling Green in a way that makes Kevin Wilson fly to Madison (Dane County Airport what up) and commit seppuku at midfield at halftime.

Maryland (-1) @ Syracuse (11:30am, "GamePlan"/ESPN3): This line has swung two points in MD's favor today alone, and I think Maryland can turn in a capable performance. I'm unconvinced Syracuse is the team from their CMU game and not their 'Nova game (27-26 in 2OT, for those of you keeping score at home). I want a Terps win.

Michigan (-5) vs. Utah (2:30pm, ABC): Just don't screw this up. Win. Any way you can, Brady Hoke. I'll buy you a Domino's large, whatever you want, if you win.

Rutgers (+6) @ Navy (2:30pm, CBSSN): You have a good run defense, Rutgers. Beat Navy.

Penn State (-27) vs. UMass (3pm, BTN): Win. Comfortably. Show you have an offense that Northwestern can exploit next week. CAN'T FEDEX YOUR WAY OUT OF THIS ONE, FRANKLIN.

Minnesota (-9) vs. San Jose State (3pm, BTN): Can Chris Streveler throw the ball? I don't actually care, because he's a Minnesota quarterback and that's irrelevant. Just win, Minnesota. Don't even worry about covering.

Illinois (-14) vs. Texas State (3pm, ESPNews): I want to not be followed on ESPNews by Illinois. Can that not happen?

Indiana (+14) @ Mizzou (3pm, SECN): I want Paul Finnebaum to explode into 100000000000000000 little pieces.

Failing that, I want Indiana to cover.

Nebraska (-7) vs. Miami Fluoride (7pm, ESPN2): I want it to be 1999 again. So does everyone playing this game. Alternatively, I want Nebraska to cover convincingly. That would be cool with me.

So How Will It Go?

What I Want:

12-1. Indiana.

What I Expect:

10-3. Seriously. It's gonna happen. Pick two of Iowa, Rutgers, Michigan, and Nebraska. But only two.

Burn Mattresses in the Streets If:

7-6. I've already sent for a new one.