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The OTE Rump Parliament Calls the Week 2 Games

No, not THAT rump--oh, forget it.



Feel free to play along in the comments.

Western Kentucky def. Illinois (4-2)

MNW: Wes Lunt throws the ball like a hero, Illinois looks flat and struggles. Hilltoppers throw the ball for days and sneak away with a late win. WKU, 37-35.

Jesse: Illinois: Lunt looks mediocre for the greater part of three quarters, but so do the Hilltoppers. The Illini sneak out a win and start talking the good old days of winning a lot of games in a row only to lose many games in a row.

DJ Carver: WKU - 1st - 3rd quarter Illinois shows up again, except against a better team.

KC_Hawkeye: Illinois 21 Western Kentucky 30

GoForThree: The ghost of Petrino rears its head against a functionally crippled Illini defense. Lunt has an unremarkable game and the Illini faithful (all three) see Illinois fall to Directional Kentucky. continues as usual in the land of No Nice Things.

Aaron Yorke: Illinois: Impressive smackdown of Bowling Green by WKU last week. This won will be close... but not too close! UIUC 27-20

Nebraska def. McNeese State (6-0)

Jesse: Nebraska: McNeese scores some points but allows a million rushing yards because this is the greatest offense ever! Faux Pelini gets to actually call plays in the second half.

GoForThree: Nebraska: LOLz. 50-something to 10-something. McNeese doesn't see the endzone in the first half. Abdullah the Butcher runs for 200, +/- 25 yards.

AY: Nebraska: McNeese State is not good. UNL 56-10

Penn State def. Akron (6-0)

MNW: Akron has no answer for Christian Hackenberg, who throws for 3 TDs after Zach Zwinak runs for two scores and softens the Zips defense early. PSU, 38-14.

Jesse: Penn State: PSU starts slow but the travel rust wears off by the end of the 2nd. Hack looks good again and fans hail him a hero. Hack starts wearing a cape.

DJ: Penn State - Does Hackensburg break his own record this week?

GoForThree: Penn State. Akron tries to call up the ghosts of last year's effort at Michigan, which nearly saw Hoke deep-fried like his charity doughnuts. PSU just has too much. All around. Hackenberg. Zwinak. That Ficken character. The list goes on. (Edited: fixed...sorry for the incomplete mess before -GF3)

AY: Penn State: After watching Penn State's front seven last week, I think Akron will have serious trouble scoring the ball in this game. The Zip defense can hold Penn State to field goals for a while, but this unit was also very prone to big plays last season. PSU 31-3

Purdue def. Central Michigan (6-0)

MNW: Purdue finds a way. OTE agrees never to speak of this game again, because somehow the Boilers are 2-0. Purdue, 38-35.

Jesse: Purdue:: yup, we are going B1G in these picks. Mostly because I'm not convinced CMU is that great.

DJ: Purdue - CMU covers against the spread

KC_H: Purdue 21 Central Michigan 20

GoForThree: I want to say Purdue confidenly, but the Chippewas have a minor history of surprising decent B1G teams, and Purdue is not exactly a decent B1G team. CMU keeps it close but Purdue survives to be demoted to the MAC in a future week.

AY: Purdue: The Boilers showed they can keep pace with these MAC offenses by running the ball Big Ten-style. Another directional Michigan bites the dust. PU 31-21

Rutgers def. Howard (6-0)

Rutgers. What's a Howard?

Wisconsin def. Western Illinois (6-0)

MNW: Tanner McEvoy still can't throw. Wisconsin, 49-7.

Jesse: Wisconsin: Western Illinois bears the brunt if a weird week Coach GA talks in his post game presser that he's not sure if he exists except that he thinks therefore he should exist but maybe not.

DJ: Wisconsin - The steamrolling begins

KC_H: Wisconsin 50 Western Illinois 0

GoForThree: Wisconsin. Melvin Gordon somehow plays 5 quarters this week, with 10 carries per. Wisconsin by 4 scores, and that's because WIU makes the Badger defense continue to question it ability to close by figuring out how to move the ball halfway through the third. Expect another fake punt.

AY: Wisconsin: The Badgers lost last week because of poor quarterback play. That won't be an issue against Western Illinois. UW 63-3

Split Decision! Northwestern and NIU (3-3)

MNW: I can see Northwestern-NIU ending any number of ways. It'll probably come down, though, to some stupid ending where one team blows a double-digit lead and hangs on to win. This week, that's Northwestern. Jesse tries to relegate us again. Northwestern, 31-28.

Jesse: NIU: Sorry, Northwestern, you can't blame this one on a typo on your wristband. Me and Bryan trade Northwestern for NIU permanently.

DJ: NIU - Northwestern, please prove me wrong

KC_H: Northwestern 17 Northern Illinois 28

GoForThree: Northwestern. I'm a Northwestern backer. No, I don't know why. I think Siemian can move the ball effectively, and as much as folks want to malign Cal, the Bear Raid offense is a real thing. NIU looks great against the MAC and Iowa (Fire Kirk Ferentz), but as we saw in the bowl game last year, even megaman Jordan Lynch couldn't get it done outside the conference at season's end. I'm going with the Wildcats on this, 37-35. And not a single defensive bother was given that day.

AY: Northwestern: This game against Northern Illinois is a scary one considering how the Wildcat defense played last week. Eek. NU 31-28

Minnesota def. Middle Tennessee State (6-0)

MNW: Running offense still good. Blue Raiders surprised, after Savannah State rout, that they scheduled Minnesota, not Minnesota-Morris. Demands to play the Dragons not met. Minnesota, 27-10.

Jesse: Minnesota. What's an MTU?

KC_H: Minnesota 24 MTSU 10

GoForThree: Go-ah Go-aphers. MTSU is one of the dirtiest, thugginest, most fight-pickingest classless teams (see their bowl game against Navy). The Gophers should give them a dose of Minnesewda Nice. 28-17 Gophers.

AY: Minnesota: The Gophers' Week 1 one wasn't pretty, but they did show the ability to physically dominate a smaller opponent. That's something, I guess. Minny 28-14

Iowa def. Ball State (6-0)

MNW: @Fire Kirk Ferentz.@ Iowa, 30-27.

Jesse: Iowa: Ferentz doesn't put Ball State away, Ball State makes the game close, Iowa remembers they have more talent late, lather, rinse, repeat.

DJ: Iowa - Please remember what offense is.  Please.

KC_H: Iowa 35 Ball State 13

GoForThree: Ball State is a joke in more ways than one, but the Hawkeyes still struggle early, looking flat on offense and plagued by miscues and broken coverages on defense. Iowa wins it in the end. Don't fire Kirk Ferentz. Relive this weekly for the remainder of the decade.

AY: Iowa: Yes, the UNI game was too close for comfort. The UNI game is always too close for comfort. I'm still buying. Hawkeyes 31-10

Maryland def. South Florida (6-0)

MNW: Said it before, will say it again: #USoFuckingbad. Diggs makes highlight reel catch, OTE audibly groans as Maryland fans log in. Maryland, 41-14.

Jesse: Maryland: What's a US... Oh, they're a real FBS team. Good times.

DJ: Maryland - USF struggled against an FCS team that finished 2-10 last year.

KC_H: Maryland 28 USF 17

GoForThree: Maryland. This is an actual game? I thought someone was playing a joke. I guess Maryland is sort of playing a joke, when you think about it. Terps by...I dunno, throw a dart at the calendar. Aim for the last week of the month.

AY: Maryland: The best wide receivers in the history of college football didn't impress too much against JMU last week. UMD 21-17

Oregon def. Michigan State (4-2)

MNW: I just have a hard time thinking that Michigan State can go into Autzen and impose their will and tempo on the Ducks. I want to believe that Connor Cook is ready to go, too. I think Oregon comes up with one stop late to sneak away with a home win against Sparty, and the national media runs with the idea that the B1G is the weakest conference in football. Paul Finnebaum smiles like the Grinch. Oregon, 31-24.

Jesse: Oregon: I think it's close, but the game being in Eugene is just too much. Also, we haven't lost our requisite B1G late game on the West Coast due to sketchy officiating.

DJ: MSU - They go Stanford style and show that Oregon can't beat a sound defense

KC_H: Michigan State 21 Oregon 38

GoForThree: Never in my life (and by life I mean since January 1st, 2014) have I pulled so hard for Sparty. Call it a feeling. Call it a hunch. I just don't see how MSU wins this one. At some point, the loss of talent on D from last year's squad comes home to roost. Unfortunately, I think this is that point. It gets out of hand for a bit in the second half. Oregon wins 44-31.

AY: Michigan State: Like Stanford always doesn, the Spartans will figure out how to slow down the Oregon offense. MSU 28-24

Michigan def. Notre Dame (4-2)

MNW: Notre Dame loses, then claims it's still Michigan's fault that this rivalry game isn't being continued. Still not buying it, Seamus O'Toole. Michigan, 42-38.

Jesse: Michigan: I'll miss these games. Mostly I'll miss QBs throwing it up for the fourth quarter while twitter makes '500' jokes.

DJ: Notre Dame - I'm going to get killed for this one, but Michigan is going to need a lot of Gardner to Funchess magic to win.

KC_H: Michigan 28 Notre Dame 27

GoForThree: I hate Michigan, as you'd expect. I hate Notre Dame for a lot of other reasons. I always pull for Michigan in this game. Always. U-n-i-t-yyyyyy. Lord, I will miss this one. Always one of the best early-season tilts. So many great memories of hobbled giants slugging it out. Losing this one from the landscape is a crime against football. I think ND walks away with this one, simply because we know nothing about Michigan's true offense. So far, it looks like Funchess three times and move the chains. That could easily become Funchess three times and punt. ND 31-22.

AY: Michigan: Notre Dame is afraid to play them. That's why the Irish are in the ACC. Michigan 17-10

Ohio State def. Virginia Tech (5-1)

MNW: Ohio State still good, VaTech doesn't have quite enough. OSU, 45-24.

Jesse: OSU: Barrett looks better, the defense feels more dominant against a normal offensive scheme, and OSU gets talked up as the B1G favorite again.

DJ: Ohio State - Maryland beat VT last year, so I'm expecting OSU to win this one.

KC_H: Ohio State 20 Virginia Tech 14

GoForThree: Buckeyes lose Urban's first at home, under the lights. The committee of running backs can't get going behind the porous O-line and the VT corners rob Barrett twice. You heard it here first.

AY: Ohio State: Sure, the Navy game was close for a while, but the big takeaway was how ruthlessly efficient J.T. Barrett was with the ball. I'm not sure how Braxton Miller tops a 15.1 yards per attempt average. OSU 28-6