Once again, Jim Delany has called a meeting of his Coaches after bowl season.. this time to a high-tech conference room in the new Big Ten headquarters in Rosemont, Illinois
So, things are so much better this year. I have a new haircut, and you guys did so much better in bowl season!! We have a winning record at 6-5!
Well, most of you, so let's recap a little
Hazell! --- A 3-9 season?
I HAVE THE BUCKET! FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW!! And we won the SEC EAST!
// tears ACL
Fitz! --- 5-7 again?!?
Yeah, this year didn't turn out how I hoped. I have a lot of work to do.
Excuses, excuses, excuses!!
And what's the deal with you guys unionizing ?!?
I think my players voted against it. I've been told the NLRB will decide soon.
But we beat Notre Dame!!!! Knocked them out of the rankings!
Tim, how the hell do you still have a job?
* All the sudden, someone is chopping down the door with an Axe!*
** No, not that Axe, Badger fans...**
What the hell?!?
Brady, you no longer speak for Michigan.
Thanks for leaving me the good roster. This will be easier than coaching Stanford!
Seriously Jim? I'm taking that out of Michigan's TV money.
Are you crazy?!? Take it out of Purdue's TV money, they aren't using it for anything useful these days.
HEY! What's your deal?!?
WHAT'S YOUR DEAL??! YOU CALL THAT A MUSTACHE?!?
/rips off mustache
IT'S A FAAAAKKKEE!!!!
I knew it!
WHAT THE HELL MAN?!? YOU BASTARD!!
WHAT THE HELL IS WITH YOUR PANTS ?!?
What's wrong with my pants?
You look like you're wearing a parachute on your legs!
Actually they look like Hammer Pants!
And pleats? Dude, you look like a hobo.
THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH PLEATS!!!
*Blip bloop beep*
Hold on a sec
*YOINK* /steals Jim's phone
// everyone laughs
Hobo. I called it!
AND YOUR WIFE CALLED WAL-MART TO BAN YOU FROM BUYING THOSE PANTS!
// everyone laughs until they cry
Attacking this day with Enthusiasm Unknown to Mankind— Coach Harbaugh (@CoachJim4UM) January 15, 2015
Life at Michigan is Great! Great with a capital "G!"— Coach Harbaugh (@CoachJim4UM) January 14, 2015
Have a Great day! A Great week! A Great month! and a Great year! and Go Blue!— Coach Harbaugh (@CoachJim4UM) January 10, 2015
Franklin, how the hell did you make a bowl game?
Aren't you supposed to be happy I did that? And won?!?
Fair point. Good job at 7-6
RANDY! WHAT THE HELL? Losing to Stanford in your bowl game?
HEY! I finished 3rd in the east! What's wrong with 7-6?
Oh fine... Whatever
KIRK! WHAT IN THE HOLY HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I lost to Tennessee. Sorry!
FOR GODS SAKE MAN, KEVIN WON THE SEC EAST!!
WE DONT LOSE TO SEC EAST TEAMS!!
Jerry, what the hell man?
I don't win bowl games.
Work on that please...
But I went 8-5!
Two coaches enter in the door
Hi, we're here for Orientation?
Sorry we're late
And who are you two?
I'm Mike Riley, new coach of the Nebraska Cornhuskers!
And where did you come from?
Oregon State University
And you! Who are you?
Paul Chryst, new coach of the Wisconsin Badgers!
Barry, try to keep this guy for more than two years, and thank you for beating Auburn!
Just kidding, I knew who you were Chryst! You screwed up the 2010 rose bowl!
Barry, it's time to go home now. I've got this.