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Mailbag - Which B1G Stadiums Have You Been To?

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Your mailbag questions got spicy this week! Public nudity...vomit...and Jefferey Dahmer all make appearances. Which B1G stadiums have you been to? Oh yeah, and a prediction that Northwestern's defense will give up the fewest touchdowns in the conference this year. It's all here, so come on in and take a gander.

Trevor Ruszkowski-USA TODAY Sports

Here we go folks...Your questions, our answers. Thanks for playing.

Q: Best party you’ve been to in a B1G College town? - BBielema

Townie: The old Phi Psi 500 at Penn State. It used to be a race from bar to bar downtown. People would dress in outrageous costumes and get totally hammered. The parties afterwards are the stuff of legend.

Unfortunately, the volume of public nudity, intoxication, and urination crossed the boundaries of good clean fun. But it was dirty, drunken fun.

MNW: I was at the stabby Mifflin in 2011, which was kinda fun in an "oh fuck" way...especially since I was two houses over from where it happened.

Best party I’ve personally been at, otherwise, was what has since been called #ChampagneGate, the NUMB New Year’s Party of 2012. Since we had returned from the Meineke Car Care Bowl of Texas on NYE at about 11:30pm, the band reached the (almost) consensus that the big party would happen on NYD night (not that a few of us didn’t get shitty to ring in the new year that night). That day, led by one of our housemates (we were 8 people in an 8-bd house, 7 of which were band members), we drove to Liquor Barn in Niles, IL, which we’re fairly certain is run by Ukrainian mob members. That housemate, who spoke a little Russian, had the conception that this party would be "$10, all you can drink beer, and everyone gets their own bottle of champagne". His negotiations with the manager and an employee were a thing of beauty: they’d confer in Russian, and he could pick up on what was happening. Eventually they agreed to give us 10 cases of champagne (Ukraine’s finest, I think) for $5/bottle, coming to 120 bottles.

The party itself turned into an "All you can drink champagne" shitshow. I played at least 13 games of champagne pong, which went from being ⅓ a bottle per game to about ⅔ a bottle per game. That was a mistake. Anyways, people were drinking multiple bottles and the floor had accumulated about an inch of sticky filth by 11pm. Sometime after the last game, I retired to my basement bedroom, locking myself in the room where we’d apparently decided to throw the coats. My roommate broke in and helped distribute coats at the end of the night.

People threw up in our laundry tub, our basement shower and toilet, our 2nd-level toilet, our 3rd-level toilet, over the side of our porch, and in our lawn. When I came to the next morning (to 10 angry texts and 3 angry voicemails from Ms. MNW, bless her soul), the house looked like Jonestown (or...the name we had given the house, which is rather offensive). Empty bottles everywhere. Half-drunk bottles tipped over on the floor, which was a different color that I don’t think exists on known color wheels. It was the best party, bar none, that I’ve ever been to [save perhaps our wholly insensitive but smaller ANZAC Day parties and 1776 drinking games], and one we still speak of in hushed, reverent tones.

Q: You’re the star freshman running back at any B1G school. Which school would it be? Why? What would you do with your fame and celebrity? -MC

Townie: I’m going to homer out and say Saquon Barkley of Penn State. It’s been a long time since we’ve had a kid of his caliber. He’ll be showered with opportunities to play. He’ll be a star on campus and he’ll be a legitimate shot for an NFL draft pick.

If I’m Barkley, I use my fame to draw attention to our philanthropies like Thon and Lift For Life. And I’d date the hottest women’s volleyball player on the team.

Q: One horse sized duck or 100 duck sized horses? - CapSpartan

Townie: I’ll take 100 duck sized horses and create the world’s first miniature horse racing circuit. It will be sooo exclusive that everyone will demand them. I’ll create a line of stuffed duck-sized horses and market the crap out of them. Then I’ll sell each live horse for a ridiculous sum. It’s my billion dollar idea...now where are those horses.

Jesse: Why would anyone choose horse sized duck? What good comes of a horse sized duck. Can you imagine that terrifying waddling beast coming towards you? Like, you’d start off thinking, "Oh, cute gigantic duck," and then it would eat you. On the flipside, would a horse sized duck be better for eating? Because I imagine roasting a horse sized duck on a spit could be great.

Stew:  One horse sized duck.  No question.  You could easily be swarmed by 100 duck sized horses.  With a single horse sized duck you only have to worry about one animal.  So much easier.

Q: The first week of the season, America fell in love with our fat kicker. We have the fat guy touchdown last week. What’s next in the fatstakes? Fat James Franklin? Fat Blue Band Drum Major Nailing The Flip? - M1EK

MNW: Firing James Franklin and hiring BERT. That’s next in the #fatstakes. We’re all rooting for you, Penn State.

Townie: I was going to answer this but MNW’s answer made me laugh so hard that I can’t. I fucking hate Bert and if he comes near Happy Valley I’m holding you personally responsible.

Stew:  Have you seen Pat Fitzgerald recently?

Q:Who is the "best" alumnus for each university, for whatever definition of "best" you prefer? - waw.

School

Candystripes (graduates only)

MNW

Townie

Illinois

Hugh Hefner

I couldn’t tell you a single person who graduated from Illinois.

Temple Grandin

Indiana

Mark Cuban

Mark Cuban - there’s even an IU commerical with him in it! Otherwise John Cougar.

Mark Cuban

Iowa

Gene Wilder

Neither Kutcher nor Brokaw graduated, as far as I can tell, and I take "alumnus" very literally. So Tom Arnold. Marinate in that, Hawkeyes. Tom. Arnold.

Harry Kalas

Maryland

Jim Henson

The UnderArmour guy, though Fiorina’s a close second..

Scott Van Pelt

Michigan

Gerald Ford

HARRRRRRBAUGHHHHHHHHHHHH

Larry Page (cofounded Google for cripes sake)

Michigan State

Dan Gilbert

Magic Johnson didn’t graduate. I got nothin’.

Magic Johnson

Minnesota

Brock Lesnar

Norman Borlaug

Yanni

Nebraska

Johnny Carson, though Warren Buffett is a close second.

Warren Buffet, I guess.

Larry the Cable Guy

Northwestern

Charlton Heston by a Tostito over Brent Musberger

Stephen Colbert. You all lose, suckers.

Seth Meyers

Ohio State

R.L. Stine

BRUCE VILANCH

Jeffrey Dahmer

Penn State

Matt Millen

I remember learning that the Dread Pirate Roberts (of Silk Road fame) got some grad degree from PSU. I neither know nor care enough to verify that.

Franco Harris

Purdue

Neil Armstrong

that one guy who went to the moon

Neil Armstrong!

Rutgers

Jim Valvano

Whoever it is, they’ve basically got an Ivy League degree.

Mario Batali

Wisconsin

Bud Selig

Frederick Jackson Turner

John Muir


Q: Predictions for upcoming conference stats:

Which B1G defensive line ends up with the most sacks and TFL?

Which B1G secondary gives up the fewest passing yards and TDs?

Which B1G run defense surrenders the fewest YPC and TDs?

-waw

MNW: (1) Penn State leads in it now, and with Maryland to come, it’s a chance to pad the ol’ stats. I wouldn’t be surprised if they held on, though stay tuned to see what Iowa can do. (2) Northwestern is my pick for fewest passing yards and TDs, with Michigan second. I realize how foolish this is. (3) Since Iowa’s gotten through the gauntlet of Wisconsin’s rushing defense, I’ll choose them for YPC, with Michigan second.

Q: How many B1G stadiums have you been to? Which one would you most like to visit? Tne

Townie: I’m embarrassed to say that I’ve only been to Beaver Stadium in the B1G. I’ve been to several stadiums to watch Penn State - the Link in Philly, Dolphins Stadium in Miami, The Sombrero in Tampa, and whatever the hell the one in Orlando is called. I’ll be going to see us play against Maryland, but it’s in the Ravens’ stadium in Baltimore. So, no other Big Ten stadiums.I’d love to go see games at the Shoe and the Big House.

MNW: MN (both the Dome and the Bank), Camp Randall, Kinnick, Memorial (UNL), Memorial (ILL), Memorial (IN), Ross-Ade, Ryan (duh), Spartan. I would most like to visit Ohio Stadium, I guess, though I really don’t have an especially strong feeling about any of the 5 remaining on my list. I would most like to go back to Memorial (UNL).

C4B: I’ve been in two, though I barely remember being in Ross-Ade, due to it being almost 15 years ago when the Colts and Saints played a preseason game there [MNW: WAIT WHAT]. The other one is Indiana’s Memorial Stadium, because for some reason I actually went to IU football games. I’m not sure which one specifically I’d most like to visit, but I think it’d be cool to watch a game in one of the 100,000+ seat stadiums in the conference, just to experience the atmosphere.

Now you can tell us we're wrong in the comments.

Your Friend,

Townie (and Co.)