If I were to rate my Fantasy world Power Polls that I have not been able to get together, the Mariah Carey Poll rates as the top of the list. I mean, I have probably been threatening OTE HQ to do this for years, but the idea always seemed to fly away. Sure, I tried to breakdown her ridiculously amazing career a few times in the past, but when you believe in something like this, you want to make sure you get it right. So I kind of gave up because I couldn't really give it my all. The dream was dead.
***HIGH PITCHED VIBRATO***
***HIGHER PITCHED VIBRATO BLOWS THE ROOF OFF THE BUILDING***
BY GAWD, THAT'S GRAHAM FILLER'S MUSIC!
I knew that if I still believed in this happening, one day the Mariah Carey Power Poll would become a thing.
See, I get stuck on these types of polls with too much awesome to sift through, but Graham knows #PeakMariah better than any person I know and knows that we (OTE) belong together with Mariah. Now I hear what you're thinking, "This is dumb and I'm a horrible person for not loving Mariah like Graham and Jesse." You are a horrible person and you will never know the positive emotions this gives us and you can't take that away from us. If you hate this than I guess I H.A.T.E.U.
Anyhow, Graham got this put together finally, and what transpires below is a #beautiful thing.
As a quick point of order, there were seventeen voters this week with an *ahem* troll vote or two by someone *ahem* angry about a two point conversion or something. Oh, and can someone comment about how insertname has done a good job at graphs? Because I sure as heck am not putting that together on my own and he's been outstanding all year. You all should say nice things about him, and I don't know, maybe buy him a beer or something. Here's where things stand cumulatively:
Awesome. Look at that beautiful Nebraska line having absolutely no idea what it wants to do. Anyhow, I think that's all you need to know. LET'S GET TO THE BEST POLL EVER!
B1G Power Poll Week 10: The Mariah Carey Edition
by Graham "Babydoll" Filler
1 Ohio State Buckeyes - "Thank God I Found You" (Ft. Joe and 98 Degrees)
238 Points || 17 FPV || 0 LPV || H 1 || L 1 || LW 1 || Change 0
Seriously, how many times does Cardale Jones have to come in and save the day? Back in 2000, this song was #1 mid-February, a place OSU wouldn’t mind to be at. Again.
2 Iowa Hawkeyes - "Don’t Forget About Us"
215 Points || 0 FPV || 0 LPV || H 2 || L 4 || LW 3 || Change 1
Just when you left
Ferentz Mariah’s career for dead, here comes another MONSTER song from the "Emancipation of Mimi" album. This was right in the midst of Comeback Mariah, a time where a whole new generation was learning about the magical vocals of MC. It’s a simple song, just asking for a little more attention to be paid to the good thing she has…
3 Michigan State Spartans - "Shake It Off"
196 Points || 0 FPV || 0 LPV || H 2 || L 6 || LW 2 || Change -1
Obviousness here, as Sparty needs to shake of the stench of the Nebraska game, find a healthy cornerback or two, and gear up for (what was going to be) the game of the week of the century.
Some discussion of MC’s move to the R&B genre here is warranted. MC moved to R&B pretty successfully, and it was probably necessary, as we really don’t have a ton of female ballad-drive music anymore. Buuuut just like the Spartan defense of 2014 and 2015 compared to the 2012 and 2013 squads, we know PeakMariah is a bit in the past.
4 Michigan Wolverines - "All I Want For Christmas Is You"
185 Points || 0 FPV || 1 LPV || H 2 || L 14 || LW 4 || Change 0
Essentially a Christmas-time love letter from Wolverines everywhere to Jim Harbaugh. AND THEN HE CAME TO ANN ARBOR AND THEY STARTED WINNING AND THE CULTURE WAS CHANGED!!!!@###@@! SANTA DOES EXIST! Also PeakHolidayMariah.
5 Wisconsin Badgers - "Obsessed"
171 Points || 0 FPV || 0 LPV || H 3 || L 6 || LW 5 || Change 0
"Iowa’s schedule is soooo light. You know Iowa plays an easy schedule? God that team is such a fraud. Ugh, Iowa." Seems that Wisconsin didn’t care much about Iowa…until they ceded the crown, and now the fans are just a bit…obsessed.
6 Northwestern Wildcats - "Hero"
154 Points || 0 FPV || 0 LPV || H 5 || L 8 || LW 6 || Change 0
A hero came along for the Wildcats in the form of serviceable backup QB Zack Oliver, turning the mood in Evanston from continued horror to an exceedingly surprising 7-2 record.
7 Penn State Nittany Lions - "One Sweet Day" (Ft. Boyz II Men)
132 Points || 0 FPV || 0 LPV || H 6 || L 9 || LW 7 || Change 0
What is more 1990’s than Boyz II Men and Penn State football??? This song actually is kind of annoying (now), as it takes up that weird space between PeakBalladMariah and R&B Mariah. Just doesn’t hold up these days.
8 Minnesota Golden Gophers - "Heartbreaker"
110 Points || 0 FPV || 0 LPV || H 6 || L 12 || LW 8 || Change 0
Minnesota with some tough losses this year, combined with Jerry Kill leaving, makes the Gopher fan suffer from some serious heartache/heartburn.
But just like the playful tone in this #1 smash hit ("She wanna shop with Jay, Play box with Jay, She wanna pillowfight in the middle of the night"), it should warm the hearts of Minnesotan’s that the program is stabilized and not run by incompetent whackjobs.
9 Nebraska Cornhuskers - "Love Takes Time"
108 Points || 0 FPV || 0 LPV || H 4 || L 13 || LW 12 || Change 3
No one does slow, crushing lovelorn better than MC. Just as a teary PeakMariah warns you that it’s going to take some time to overcome the pain, we warn Nebraska fans that it’s going to take a bit before the program returns to better than mediocre.
10 Illinois Fighting Illini - "Dreamlover"
84 Points || 0 FPV || 0 LPV || H 8 || L 12 || LW 9 || Change -1
Maybe the offseason will bring a coach who brings the Illini back! Maybe PJ Fleck won’t use Champaign-Urbana as a stepping stone for the Texas job! Maybe our classic colors will lure recruits from Chicago!
Or maybe, like Mariah in this over-idealistic song, Illinois is asking for too many nice things and just needs to blow things up and start over.
11 Indiana Hoosiers - "Against All Odds"
80 Points || 0 FPV || 0 LPV || H 9 || L 11 || LW 10 || Change -1
We didn’t think it was a longshot for Indiana to make a bowl game…but we don’t even watch the games, and here the Hoosiers are, 0-5 in conference play and fighting an uphill battle. Sad, sad stuff, just like this outstanding MC cover of Phil Collins. . Also the last time Indiana football was semi-relevant Collins was a huuuuuuuuuge star.
12 Maryland Terrapins - "Vision of Love"
51 Points || 0 FPV || 0 LPV || H 10 || L 13 || LW 14 || Change 2
Randy Edsall sold a nice concept, but it was just a vision of pretty jerseys and good recruits, nothing more. PeakMariah again, absolutely nailing the horror of thinking things will be great and then learning, nope, it’s all a lie.
13 Rutgers Scarlet Knights - "I Don’t Wanna Cry"
33 Points || 0 FPV || 6 LPV || H 10 || L 14 || LW 13 || Change 0
Yea, you know this might be one of Mariah’s most emotional songs. You know she says that she doesn’t want to cry…but soon as she finishes that legendary "shadow of a memory" lyric…she’s going to cry.
Go ahead Rutgers, let those tears come down.
14 Purdue Boilermakers - The Entire Glitter Project
28 Points || 0 FPV || 9 LPV || H 12 || L 14 || LW 11 || Change -3
I just love picking Purdue’s matching thing when they’re playing bottom of the barrel ball. Nothing much more to say here.