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Bowlapalooza 2015: The Quick Lane Bowl Preview

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Detroit: Where the American automobile industry and mediocre college football seasons go to die.

Like all great military leader of the past, Goldy leads his forces out on a big scooter.
Like all great military leader of the past, Goldy leads his forces out on a big scooter.
Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

HEY HEY B1G FANS!  WHO'S READY FOR SOME HOT FAST B1G MACTION?!

Please note that all enthusiasm in this game is due to being heavily caffeinated.  There's not a lot of joy leading into this one.  Minnesota's only here because they worked hard in the classroom, and that's a fitting way to close the book on Jerry Kill.  His efforts to remind the student-athletes that they were, in fact, student-athletes following the Brewster junta were quite impressive.

Where is this bowl game?

Detroit!

Detroit

Photo Credit: Yves Marchand & Romain Meffre Photography

Please note: I am not completely certain that this is Ford Field, home of the Quick Lane Bowl.  But since it is from Detroit, we'll just call it close enough and move on.

When is this game?

December 28th, 4 PM Central, ESPN 2

Who is in this game?

The Central Michigan Chippewas (7-5, 6-2 MAC) vs. Minnesota Golden Gophers (5-7, 2-6 B1G). The Gophers are currently favored by 5.5.

The Chips played a pretty tough schedule, with non-conference losses to Oklahoma State (24-13), Syracuse (30-27), and Michigan State (30-10).  The Gophers...so Santa brought me a new pair of running shoes, NHL 16 for the PS4, and a giant box of Caribou coffee K-cups for my office.  What did you get?

What's in it for the participants?

For CMU? The chance to get a B1G scalp.

For Minnesota, 15 additional practices for a team with a new coach (but no QB coach, OL coach, or Offensive Coordinator).  It also needs to be noted that this is yet another opportunity for frustration for Gopher fans this year, and that should please some outposts in the conference.

All of the players do get the nice swag bag containing a $200 Best Buy Gift card, JBL headphones, an Ogio backpack (they make great golf bags, you know...), a vintage football, and a life-sized decal with each player's own likeness.  Pretty impressive for such a crap bowl.

What's in it for the fans?

Tetanus, the opportunity to visit strip clubs inside 8' walls covered with barbed wire, one last chance to suffer in 2015, and one last chance to watch KJ Maye, Eric Murray, Briean Boddy-Calhoun, and Theiren Cockran.

Bullet points that don't fit the above but should fill in the details

  • Minnesota is 1-0 all-time against Central Michigan, winning a 30-10 shootout in 1987.
  • In spite of common sense and logic and whatnot, I'm still trying to find a way to get out of work to go to this game.
  • Manchester United and Chelsea play earlier in the day, which may be just as depressing as this bowl for fans of these squads.

The pick

A healthy Minnesota shows flashes of what could have been this year, wins 30-10.  Future generations of Gopher bloggers will conclude that this is a trend and predict that the Gophers will beat CMU by the same score when the teams meet again in 2043.