Offseason Trials: Fall Weddings

In case you missed the memo, we're talking up all of the important subjects out there because it is the offseason and why not? Our first piece was all about night games. We continue with another contentious subject: Fall Weddings.

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In Defense of the Fall Wedding

• Look people, lots of people get married. In theory, it ranks up there as one of the happiest days of your life. You figure out when family can come in, when the church or hall or garden or wherever you might be having the wedding is available, get caterers, and there's that one photographer you've been dying to have capture the event and they are only available in September. The reality is, you get married when you can get married and when it's fall, it's probably beautiful where you are and you don't have to contend with heatstroke, blizzards, rainstorms, etc. Fall is just sort of a perfect time, and football games should probably not take precedent.
• Plus, come on now. What is really more important? Ohio State employing their seventh string quarterback to decimate Rutgers or making a public show for the person you plan to spend the rest of your life with. Regardless of if you really care about the ceremony, it's kind of a ridiculous move to even begin to argue that this day is overshadowed by football. In fact, why are we having this conversation? Just get married when you want to.
• Of course, that last bullet argues from a non-football frame. Even with football, you have to admit that it's probably okay to miss a game here or there. Like, remember those stories you see in big games where it's all like, "This couple hasn't missed a football game in thirty years and their only daughter is getting married today, but hell or high water won't stop them from seeing this game. They hope that it doesn't go into overtime, though, because they'll probably miss the walk down the aisle. Aren't they so loyal?" No, you don't want to be that person regardless of how much you like football because football is a game. Sidenote: If you seriously contemplate missing a child's wedding for a football game, I find you somewhat of an awful person.

The Case Against a Fall Wedding

• I'm married, and I'll be honest. Weddings aren't really about the couple. They're about everyone else, and outside of those geniuses who get married on a beach in Mexico, that will probably continue to be the way it is. So, this nonsense about, "Well, it's our day," kind of gets thrown out the window because ultimately if that was the case, you could just have a small ceremony and peace out to wherever it is you plan on going next. I mean, because honestly, who wants to be that couple who is all like, "Look, I understand that this is the night of Ohio State-Michigan and I understand that we knew this was the date all year, but you all need to come to my wedding instead. Oh, and it's a dry reception." The wedding is, at minimum, about having a good time for your guests as they feel obliged to buy you things. You can at least avoid the TV in the corner crowd by avoiding Fall Weddings.
• Then there's the whole part where we are all like, "But seriously, you have roughly 30 non-football weekends to have a wedding and you picked it on the biggest week of the year?" The logistical part of that, however, is that if you manage to get all of your pieces to fall into place on a football weekend, there is at least a small chance that either your DJ, bartender, or caterer is not the best at what they do... because most of them are choosing football over you. (Note: I cannot confirm this at all. In fact, it's probably such an overgeneralization that I feel a little bad about writing it. However, as my lawyer friends say. It's not about being proven right so long as they can't prove you're wrong.)
• SERIOUSLY THOUGH! AVOID FALL WEDDINGS!