Illinois vs. Nice Things Week 8: Illinihilism Sets In

They say Illinois Can’t Have Nice Things. Let’s examine further.

Nice Things Illinois Has/Had This Season, Updated For Week 8

• Lovie Smith and Garrick McGee
• National attention (Week 3; after WMU, everyone stopped paying attention)
• Undefeated record (Week 2; UNC)
• Much higher attendance (Week 6; it’s amazing what a blowout loss to WMU will do)
• Middle linebacker Hardy Nickerson, Jr, who has been a bright spot.
• An elite defensive line (It looks like I misled you all. This is a solid D-line at best. Dawuane Smoot hasn’t had nearly the impact I thought he would)
• Plans for a nine-figure stadium renovation
• Runningback Ke’Shawn Vaughn (Entered Lovie’s doghouse in week 3)(Got snaps in the Wildcat in week 8)(I wish he hadn’t. It was weird and ineffective and he got hurt)
• Receiver Malik Turner, who has emerged as a solid Big Ten receiver
• Receiver Desmond Cain (Hasn’t played since week 2)
• Two-handed senior receiver Justin Hardee (Droppy McDroppenstein)
• Speedy backs Reggie Corbin and Kendrick Foster, who have been surprising contributors
• Quarterback Wes Lunt (Week 6 against Purdue; injured)
• Defensive back Caleb Day (Week 2; ACL)
• A coach who doesn’t exacerbate the horror of a 2-5 start by looking like a doofus in press conferences
• 1-game winning streak against Nebraska (Week 5)
• The Cannon (Week 6)
• An FBS win (Week 7)
• A conference win (Week 7. Thanks Rutgers!)
• A decent 2017 recruiting class, although recruiting is fluid...
• No losses to Rutgers since 2006
• Victory against the spread at Michigan (Week 8)
• Kicker Chase McLaughlin, who has been surprisingly accurate in his first year kicking. (Would have been nice if he’d made that game-winner against Purdue)
• Homecoming with a potentially winnable game against Minnesota (Top 2 quarterbacks are out...)
• Grange Grove tailgate area. Big success.
• Hope for basketball; no losses yet.

Things That Are Not Necessarily Nice, But Are Still Things Illinois Still Has

• Fan Mood: Illinihilism
• Fewest first downs per game in the Big Ten
• The most penalized team in the conference (68.6 yards per game)
• Capably mobile backup quarterback Chayce Crouch (Week 7; Thanks, Rutgers! Ugh. Hearing that his shoulder injury is “serious”
• Jeff George, Jr.