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Week 5 Power Poll: Video Game Weapons

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Annual E3 Gaming Conference In Los Angeles Photo by Kevork Djansezian/Getty Images

Every one of us here has probably played video games at some point in our lives, some more frequently then others. While we’ve played video games, I’m certain we’ve developed a fondness for some of the weapons in the game, whether it’s the spreader in Contra, a shell in Mario Kart, or something else entirely. To the polls!

1: Ohio State Buckeyes: Big Fucking Gun. 237 Total Points, 16 First Place Votes, 0 Last Place Votes. Last week: #1

The name says it all. Last week Ohio State blasted Rutgers 58-0.

2: Michigan: Half Life 2 Gravity Gun. 222 Total Points, 1 First Place Vote, Last week #2

Half Life two is one of my favorite games, and I’m surely one of the only titles rated 11/10 on Maximum PC.

WHERE THE FUCK IS HALF LIFE TWO EPISODE THREE VALVE??!?

Anyway, the Gravity gun is incredibly versatile. In Ravenholm, you can use it to decapitate zombies by picking up and projecting sawblades.

You can kill zombies with toilets, really!

And in a later level the Gravity Gun is supercharged and you can literally rip people off their feet and use them as projectiles!

The gravity gun is a very versatile weapon. Last week Michigan defeated Wisconsin 14-7

3: Nebraska: Contra Spreader: 194 Points. Last week #4

Nebraska beat Northwestern Illinois last week.

4: Wisconsin. Goldeneye Proximity Mines. 194 Points. Last week #3.

I played a ton of Goldeneye in high school, and proximity mines were always a pain in the ass to avoid.

Last week Wisconsin lost to Michigan

5: Indiana: Vorpal Sword from Dungeons and Dragons. 159 Points. Last week #9

The Vorpal Sword has effective offense and no defense. Surprisingly, Indiana reclaimed the Ol’ Brass Spittoon for the first time in a long time last week.

6: Maryland. Mario Cart Blue Shell. 155 Points, Last week #7

Did you really think Maryland would get anything else? The blue shell is the most feared weapon in Mario Kart. It stops at nothing to get the lead driver on the track.

Maryland is unexpectedly undefeated and last week destroyed Purdue 50-7

7: Penn State. Call of Duty Noob Tube. 132 Points. Last week #10

All the advantages you could ever need, Everyone hates you.

Last week Penn State beat Minnesota.

8: Michigan State. Halo Rocket Launcher. 123 Points. Last week #6

Last week Michigan State lost the Old Brass Spittoon to Indiana

9: Northwestern. Aperture Science Portal Gun. 100 points. Last week 11

Last week Northwestern lost to Nebraska beat Iowa in Iowa City!

10: Minnesota. Super Smash Brothers hammer. 95 points. Last week #5

Let’s be honest, the hammer is a fairly basic weapon, just like how Minnesota is a basic football team. Minnesota lost last week to Penn State.

11: Illinois. Metroid original power beam. 59 points. Last week 12.

Illinois is in the beginning of the Lovie Smith tenure.. Just like Samus Aran will upgrade the potency of this power beam as she progresses but until then it'll do nothing against stronger enemies. Similar to Illinois football.

12: Iowa. Torbjorn Turret. 58 points. 2 last place votes. Last week 8

Iowa used to be awesome, now they’re pretty underwhelming. There could be case made that Iowa is traschy.

Last week Iowa lost to Northwestern

13: Rutgers. Zelda Master Sword. 36 Points. 2 last place votes. Last week 14

It just felt appropriate to give a medieval weapon to the Scarlet Knights.

Last week Rutgers was shutout by Ohio State.

14: Purdue. Half Life Two Bugbait. 21 points. Last week 13. 13 Last place votes

You’re literally throwing a smelly organic sac at Combine soldiers, and Theropods attack them. It’s a crappy weapon, just like how Purdue is a crappy football team that lost to Maryland.