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Mailbag: We All Hate Maryland’s Unis Edition

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Fire them into the sun...

Welcome to the Thanksgiving Edition of the OTE Mailbag:
How come the knock on PSU this week is that it took too long to put rutgers away? The weather looked downright atrocious but we still put 39 on em. OSU and Harbaugh U, while admittedly playing better teams, struggled mightly but they get a pass b/c of B1G weather. What gives? Also, will PSU ever eclipse Wisky in power rankings this season? Yes they lost to 2 top 5 teams, one of which we beat btw, but that Pitt loss isnt looking too bad anymore (looking at you Clemson). - psugeog

BRT: Because you took too long to put Rutgers away. Look, you want to be considered a peer of OSU and UM? You want us to think you’re one of the great teams in the country? Then hold yourself to the same insane standards of those teams. Those standards include, but are not limited to: beating everyone, looking good doing it, and not letting Rutgers hang around for a half, even if you’re playing the game on Hoth. They do not include struggling with Rutgers for 30 minutes and demanding respect for it.

LPW: Rutgers must be defeated by bulldozing them immediately. Don’t dawdle in your Buttgers ass kicking, weather or no weather.

Candystripes: Because the top tier of the conference MDK’d the Knights, and you didn’t. As to the Power Poll query, a lot of it is based on momentum, and nobody’s really stopped Wisconsin’s. If they somehow drop the Axe this week, and you grab #LAZERZ, you’ll probably jump them; otherwise, don’t count on it happening.

Townie: Look, it doesn’t matter how much of a PSU homer you are,if those first three drives for field goals didn’t make you nervous, then you don’t understand football. So, there is plenty of reason for "haterz" to poke at Penn State. If you can’t close the deal against rutger, that supports the argument that the OSU win was luck and not earned.

GF3: "Downright atrocious" didn't come into play until well after your offense bumblefucked around with a shit team. Everyone with a good offense gets flak for not putting crummy teams away quickly. Welcome to the club.

If your team was winning games by a healthy margin, was ranked in the top ten, and had a good shot of playing in Indy and proving how unrivaled they are, why would you give a flip about what other fanbases thought about your team, and create countless threads on every article sniveling about a lack of respect from killing Rutgers? - BigRedTwice

BRT: Because you wish to have all of the respect of an OSU with about a tenth of the actual accomplishments.

LPW: I should ask and answer my own question like my Nebraska colleague ;)

Honestly, it’s just that PSU fans aren’t happy unless they’re whining about something.

Townie: Ah, BRT, I do love how you can mix Nebraska "Nice" with condescension worthy of an English Lord.

GF3: I’m sure the sphincter that is BSD will soon open to provide us with a plethora of answers to this question.

If we can't get the ax back again should we just build a wall to keep all these badger dicks out of Minnesota so they stop taking our jobs for less money? - stspieper

LPW: silly goofball, you’re presuming you’re gonna get the axe back.

MNW: Unrelated, but I’ll plug Kathy Cramer’s book The Politics of Resentment: Rural Consciousness and the Rise of Scott Walker. It is a Good Book and I recommend you read it.

Also, yes. And make any wisconsinites in Minnesota register with the state, too. Track them everywhere they go.

GF3: "If"

Do you think it’s weird for OSU players to have to call Urban "Coach ’eyer" all week? Or do you think they adopt ridiculous Cockney accents and just have fun with it?"Oi, Coach ‘eyer! That wanker Barrett just said summat about how I were a right fanny, ’e did! Well, I don’t take ‘at from no one, so I popped ’im one, I did! Bob’s your uncle." - TheLuckyOne

BRT: I assume it’s the latter. In time, perhaps the team will run into a distinguished phonetician who will make a high-society game of curing their horrible accents, debuting them at a ball where they have to fool an intimidating Hungarian named Zoltan Karpathy, where they succeed and are declared to be real princesses.

LPW: it’s a silly rivalry thing, and it like it. Cockney accents take me back to senior year of high school when I had a bit part in My Fair Lady.

Townie: Clearly, not using the letter "M" will improve OSU’s play on Saturday. And I’m all for anything that gives the Buckeyes an edge over Michigan.

GF3: That’s what real hate looks like. This isn't that made-up "we totally hate Iowaaaa guyzzzz" schtick the irrelevant Huskers try to gin up.

Does Purdue announce its new coach before or after the mercy killing? P.S. IU Sucks, their shitty high school looking stadium sucks, their face sucks, and The Chunk of Concrete they call a rock sucks.- Boilerman31

BRT: After, unless they’re ashamed of the hire. This would be a weird point in the week to make a big announcement like that. If it’s a bad hire and they want to bury it, sure, announce it now.

LPW: After.

Candystripes: After. Also, GFBM.

Townie: So, we’re assuming that they can fill the vacancy that fast? If I’m a college coach, I’m holding out for anything else first, before I take that job.

GF3: This assumes someone has been foolish enough lie down on that burning mattress already.

My question for hate week is: Why do Ohio State fans smell so bad? - NorthAndSouthofCanada

BRT: Over-consumption of garlic.

LPW: Lack of hygiene knowledge.

Townie: Haven’t you ever been to Columbus? That’s the smell of old German food and despair.

GF3: Because it takes more than a year to wash the stench of a visit to Ann Arbor off. Look at the bright side, at least you're hanging around the right people for once.

At what point does a rivalry stop being a rivalry? 15 straight wins? When it’s decided by more than 7 points 9 out of the last 10 meetings? GET FUCKED, MINNESOTA! - bdym

BRT: I think it’s when both fanbases spend inordinate amounts of time declaring that they "aren’t real rivals," rather than anything having to do with wins and losses.

LPW: I’ll find it hilarious when we have new Minnesota commenters born in 2003 or 2004 that join OTE in a few years never having known in their lifetimes what it means to have that trophy. I mean, it’s bad enough Nebraska discontinued the $5 bits of broken chair trophy, but this is just insult upon injury.

This would almost be as bad as the time that Iowa had a 20 game losing streak to their MOST HATED RIVAL PURDUE.

And yeah, I’m fully aware of the irony of a Northwestern fan laughing at losing streaks.

Townie: As a Penn State fan, I’m an expert on non-rivalries. In my opinion. Rivalries often go through periods where one team is down and another is up. However, when a team goes more than 10 or 15 wins in a row, the rivalry gets kind of stale.

It depends on your perspective. If you are a long-timer like me, you appreciate the longer-running series. We discontinued our series with Pitt because of reasons and it suffered. If Pitt can maintain its newfound success, that rivalry will be fun.

In summary, hate the rival not the rivalry and play on.

GF3: Because it takes more than a year to wash the stench of a visit to Ann Arbor off. Look at the bright side, at least you're hanging around the right people for once.

With LAMAR JACKSON and Louisville getting boat raced by Houston, is Jabrill Peppers, after exploding for almost 100 total yards and 3 tackles over the last two weeks, now the Heisman favorite? - Bschim23.1

LPW: It depends what Peppers does to OSU this week. I’m still inclined to believe that Lamar Jackson will win the Heisman.

Candystripes: Jabrill Peppers is just as much of a Heisman candidate as I am.

Townie: The Heisman is a joke. Jabrill Peppers got a ton of national exposure during Michigan games on ESPN (that popup of him during the Iowa game got funnier and funnier). Voters who never watched a Michigan game will know his name. Meanwhile, Lamar Jackson’s 11 sack game will be fresh in their minds. It’s bullshit.

GF3: He didn't win it back in September?


What is ideal B1G football weather?I’m torn. I love Kinnick in the early fall when it’s 60 degrees with bright sunshine and a light breeze. You can be comfortable in shorts and a sweatshirt all day and see the trees outside the stadium turn from green to Iowa gold. I also love late fall football when it’s 20 degrees, lightly snowing and blowing like hell. What’s the best B1G football weather? - Abbas_Cincinnatus

BRT: Last weekend in Lincoln was the nicest game I can remember going to. It was sunny with no wind and about 40 degrees. Chilly enough that there was no sweating, but not so cold that it was miserable. People who love sitting outside in frigidity and wind and snow are insane, or Minnesotans, but then, I repeat myself.

LPW: I like the weather in Evanston ranging from summer days in early September all the way up until mid November weather. I dislike extremely cold late november games. In 2013 when MSU came here it was so damn cold I should’ve worn thermal underwear. IN 2014 I bought thermal underwear to wear at the NU-ND game. That’s just too cold. However I think my Gopher colleagues (and MNW) enjoy and rejoice at tailgating in the snow.

Townie: Give me a crisp fall day, with a temperature under 50 degrees. I prefer those games when the leaves on Mount Nittany are changing. I like it cold enough to have some mulled cider with a shot of rum or bourbon at the tailgate. I’ll take snow, but I’m not a fan of rain. And while I went to some sub-zero games (1987 Notre Dame was probably the coldest), I’m too old for that crap today.

GF3: the softly falling drizzle of Harbaugh tears.


Is there anyway the divisions are realigned for a little more balance? Getting pasted by Ohio State and Michigan every year is not fun. - terp_derp

BRT: Division realignments are a ridiculous idea. I’m sorry you drew the short straw, but it doesn’t make any sense to realign divisions. Why? Because teams ebb and flow, and strength can be as fleeting as a key injury or two to a leading team. It’s very silly to think about reorganizing everything for temporary conditions. How would that even work? Schedules and traveling plans are complicated enough, so then teams and fans would either have only short-term schedules planned, or they would have realignments regularly scheduled years in advance, which would mean that they were addressing a problem that may or may not exist at that time to replace it with a realignment that might make things more unbalanced, not less.

Here is proof of how division perception changes: When the Big 12 was formed in 1996, the Big 12 North looked unstoppable. You had Nebraska, in the midst of its three NCs in four years. You had Colorado, who had won an NC five years previously. You had, if not in 1996 shortly thereafter, Kansas State, who was finally enjoying their brief period of national relevance and accomplishment. The South was the weak division, featuring former national power Oklahoma, who sucked then. But by the time Nebraska left, the North had been a national punchline for years, and the South’s dominance was taken to be permanent and unassailable. What I’m saying is, there are simply too many variables to make realignment realistic. Some years, it’s just going to be really uneven.

LPW: You terps just go there. Have a little faith in Durkin to develop your team and lock down recruits nearby. You guys have been good at football before, and unlike your bottom dwelling fellow east coast rookies, you’ve won a national championship more recently (1953 I believe).

In the interim: BEATINGS WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES.

Candystripes: I empathize with you, but unless the B1G expands again, we’re stuck in this hellhole.

Townie: This makes me happy. Welcome to the B1G, Terps. Buckle up, because this ain’t the ACC. Lol.

GF3: I'm in favor. I assume realigning Rutgers and Maryland back to some other conference is an option, yes?


Everybody seems to have multiple uniform combos these days, even before we get into the gimmicky alternates. - vaudvillian
  1. Not counting alternates, what is your favorite uniform combo for your own team? For somebody else’s team?
  2. Not counting alternates, what is your least favorite uniform combo for your own team? For somebody else’s team?
  3. Are there any alternates (for any team) that you actually like?
  4. If you could pick one alternate (for any team) and blast it into the sun, never to be seen again, what would that be?

BRT:

  1. I love the white pants and red shirts. It’s simple, it’s classic, and it pops against the green field. It’s beautiful. As for other teams? I guess I kind of like Wisconsin’s.
  2. Least favorite for Nebraska has to be the all-white uniforms they occasionally wear, also known as the "surrender whites" for the bad results that often happen while wearing them. They look boring too. Least favorite for other teams are Northwestern’s striped jerseys. They look super 80s. I also think that red and gray is a crappy color combo--the gray just makes the red look muddy.
  3. The Wario and Noid alternates were pretty great. Haha, just kidding, those were awful. Some years ago, Nebraska’s first alternates were a throwback to 1962 (the year the sellout streak started) and the font on the numbers was pretty cool. In general, I often like throwbacks rather than alternates. Must be the historian in me.
  4. Maryland’s all-reds from a couple of weeks ago were pretty bad. Anything with neon is horrible. And almost everything Oregon wears is awful. /hottaek

LPW:

  1. I like Purple Helmets (with the sculpted N) paired with Purple Jerseys and white pants as NU’s home uniform, and the all-white stormtrooper outfit (with the purple sculpted N) as NU’s road uniform. I like Minnesota wearing Maroon tops, with yellow pants as their home uniform.
  2. I dislike the cat-head helmets (of any color) paired with the grey outfits for Northwestern. In fact, I dislike grey uniforms in general. It’s a lazy color.
  3. Maryland state pride uniforms. Their colorful flag all over their jerseys looks like someone vomited up Thanksgiving dinner and blood.

Townie: You guys and your fucking fashion shows. My least favorite unis are anything chrome and anything Maryland wears. I prefer Penn State in their blues. As we say: Black shoes, basic blues, no names, all game.

GF3: The only thing stupider than your junior high uniforms is having a high school cheer about them. As for the rest of the question, it's too long. Alternates are fine. Some are good, some stink. I recommend Rutgers try alternates that make them invisible. Most watchable Rutgers game yet.


Extremely unlikely but hilarious scenario...B1G gets left out of the playoff when champion Penn State misses the top 4 behind these teams that also win out:Alabama (undefeated SEC champ)Clemson (1-loss ACC champ)Colorado (2-loss PAC-12 champ)Western Michigan (Undefeated MAC champ)Which B1G fanbase has the biggest aneurysm and why? - Exiled_in_VT

BRT: Probably Michigan? Because they’re led by a coach prone to hysterics? While both OSU and UM fans seem aware enough that they each have an embarrassing loss, I think both fanbases would take umbrage at being passed over by Colorado or Western Michigan. PSU fans probably wouldn’t care, because they’ll still be busy demanding respect for playing well against Rutgers for an entire half.

LPW: not Penn State, because no one thought they’d be this good. Probably Michigan.

Townie: Michigan and Ohio State burn down their respective campuses. Penn State fans rejoice as they flood Orlando for the Citrus Bowl. But seriously, there is no pressur on PSU right now. None, zero, zip. No one (and I mean NO ONE) expected us to be sitting with two losses going into the final game. So it has to be either OSU or Michigan. I’m leaning more towards Michigan because they feel entitled and they have a senior laden team. If Chesson, Darboh, Butt and co don’t get there this year, it’ll feel like a failure.

GF3: OSU is the least experienced team in the B1G and has looked super unimpressive in several outings. OSU fans will be happy enough with a victory over UM and a bowl win. This isn't the year. Michigan won't have this level of talent for another 4 years. This is their shot.


What if UM beats OSU, but loses to Wisconsin in the title game. Let’s say Washington drops another game along the way. CFP:BamaClemsonWisconsinMichigan (has the head to head over PSU, OSU, and Colorado)Not trying to be a homer here (I swear!), but seriously, is this not all that crazy? - AnnArbaughtimusPrime

LPW: Anything that brings on SEC tears is good to me. Yeah, it’s crazy, but fun!

Townie: Coach Harbaugh...is that you?

GF3: Your name is so weird I forgot the question.

If Nebraska beats Iowa in Kinnick with both Tommy and Ryker on the bench due to injuries how long before another Hawkeye fan shows their face on OTE? Answer relative to their absence after last year’s Rose Bowl. - Exiled_in_VT

BRT: Eh, the core of the Hawkeyes will show up and take their lumps. The randos that have only just started to return will probably disappear until next season. However, if we’re really playing our third-string QB, I feel that this question will probably be moot.

GF3: All two of them.

LPW: I’ll give it a few weeks.

Townie: Yep, this is a no win situation for Iowa unless they win big.

There you have it. Thanks for your questions and Happy Thanksgiving.
Your Friends,
The OTE "Writers"