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SMCD: Rivalry Week

Hail to the Victors

NCAA Football: Michigan at Ohio State Greg Bartram-USA TODAY Sports

Ten B1G Things

  1. Jabrill Peppers carried the ball 7 times for 54 yards and added 32 yards on 4 receptions in an impressive offensive day.
  2. Just kidding, that was Curtis Samuel. But Peppers did tally 16 tackles, including 7 solo and a TFL.
  3. Just kidding that was Raekwon McMillan. Peppers actually did return one kick for 44 yards.
  4. Peppers for Heisman, clearly.
  5. Nebraska really upgraded well with Riley. No way they were getting to 9 wins with Pelini at the helm.
  6. Maryland finished the season with 6 wins, after starting the season with 4 wins.
  7. Is the Old Oaken Bucket full of something good? Like Pez? Or is it quite literally just a bucket? I’m obviously asking the IU fans.
  8. Zander Diamont declared that he won’t be going to the NFL because he “needs his brain.” The obvious intelligence of his pro-health choice notwithstanding, that’s not why he isn’t going to the NFL.
  9. Unlike other programs who aren’t going bowling, Purdue still gets to experience one more crushing loss this season when they’re defeated by the coaching search.
  10. The Cats are going bowling, and they’ll arrive in a dashing top hat.
  11. Nowhere to go but up, Illini. That’s not technically true, but try to believe it anyway.
  12. Leidner melts down faster than a Soviet reactor.
  13. Dantonio’s experiment with players made of glass has ended poorly.
  14. Rutgers is who we feared they were.

The Rundown

Michigan at Ohio State | Buckeyes win The Game in 2OT 30-27

Jabrill Peppers went on record this week saying Curtis Samuel hasn’t been hit like Michigan hits, and they were coming after him. They missed. A lot. Samuel was the spark that set Wolverine hopes ablaze, making two key plays on the final series to send Harbaugh home crying about refs and nursing a smashed headset. JT Barrett and the OSU offense looked terribly for most of the game, thanks in part to RT Isaiah Prince routinely getting put on skates by Taco Charlton (he of the fake-cramp routine). The Buckeyes looked to be doomed, trailing 17-7 in the 3rd. Then Jerome Baker snagged a Speight pass to ignite a Buckeye comeback. Despite two missed field goals from Durbin and a litany of dropped passes that stalled the offense for most of the game, the Buckeyes had it when it counted. Barrett marched the team down the field twice—once for no points thank to a missed FG and once to tie it—before turning on the taps in the OT period. Even on one of their worst days offensively, the Buckeyes sent the Wolverines home empty-handed. Maybe Peppers can save his Heisman trophy campaign with post-game heroics. His shoving of the fan who bumped into him was electrifying.

Graham Filler: Sadness and horror. Sadness and horror.

GF3: Nothing beats this game for the depth of hate, the gravitas, and the consequences. This game makes me laugh at the Iron Bowl. Another great win for the forces of truth, justice, and the American way. This will probably also stand as the most-attended game in OSU history. With the forthcoming modifications to the stadium that will remove some seats, I doubt the crowd will ever reach 110,045 again. That’s lot of fans. Great game, Michigan. Too bad your 43 seniors couldn’t get it done. As a reminder, UM fifth-year player Kyle Kalis who famously decommitted from OSU and claimed “[t]here will be blood on the field and it won't be mine. … Quote it. Let them know” is now 0-5 against Ohio State.

Nebraska at Iowa | Iowa steamrolls the former #10 team 40-10

The ol’ Arm Punter didn’t have any magic left after being banged up time and again this season. With a hobbled hamstring in addition to his usual list of limitations, Tommy Armstrong couldn’t get the Husker offense moving against the Hawkeyes. To be fair, the defense was just as awful as the offense. Leshun Daniels had a night to remember, pounding the Nebraska defense for 158 yards. Beathard returned to Long Legend status with two passing TDs. The good ship Ryker Fyfe has sailed. Tommy Armstrong is limping toward the conclusion of his career. Iowa has suddenly remembered how to score points. What a turn, indeed. Bring on the fast food bowl games.

Al Namias IV: The Iowa defense of the final three weeks of the season has been as good as any in the conference and arguably any in the country. Where were they for the previous 10 weeks? Best not to dwell on such things right now. Hopefully they can continue to bring it in the bowl game. One more game to appreciate Des, who has been one of the Hawkeye all-time greats, and CJ, who deserved better than he got this year. Onward and upward.

Creighton M:

Last 4 seasons:

-Iowa is 3-1 against Nebraska, outscoring the Huskers a total of 140-84.

Since 2002:

-Iowa has 1 losing season. Nebraska has 3.

-Iowa has finished the season ranked in the top-10 five times. Nebraska has accomplished this feat a whopping zero times.

Let's stop pretending that this was an upset and just admit that this is the new pecking order. The ‘90s are over and Nebraska is basically the same as Indiana.

BRT: Uff da... what a turd of a game. I'm officially glad football is over. I have nothing to say except that it was a terrible embarrassment. And I thought briefly about going, but I'm glad I didn't. I hope they remember how to play football before their bowl game.

Stew: Iowa is still the team that lost to NDSU and a very meh jNW team. At home. And were embarrassed by PSU. But it is also the team that turned the season around and beat Michigan more convincingly than OSU, forced IL to play a game where they did not kick off a single time, and then beat the hell out of clownfraud UNL. The passing game may be the worst in the Ferentz era, which is saying quite a bit. But the defense turned into terror monsters. The OL can't pass protect for shit, but they will beat you up in the running game. And LeShun Daniels and Akrum Wadley will become the first RB tandem in school history to both eclipse 1000 yards in a single season. Still, fire Gerg Davis and Bobby Kennedy.

Purdue at Indiana | Indiana wins a bucket 26-24

The Hoosiers are going bowling. They probably would’ve with 5 wins, but they definitely are now. Purdue is going back to the drawing board again. The game ended in the most fitting fashion, with Zander Diamont running 30 yards backwards into his own endzone in a bid to run out the clock, only to fall short and a take a safety with one second remaining. Fortunately for Wilson and company, Devine Redding had bought the Hoosiers a 4-point lead on a grinding TD run with five minutes left in the game. Indiana’s defense held, which was not a sure thing with David Blough taking snaps for the Boilermakers. Though Mr. Blough threw for 225 yards and 2 TDs, he also added his expected 2 INTs. The Hoosiers are the kings of Indiana—again.

Candystripes: I have absolutely no idea what happened (I'm off to check a box score next), but DOESN'T MATTER, KEPT BUCKET, GOING BOWLING, WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

MSU at PSU | Payback’s a bitch, 45-12

Halfway through the first half, MSU had seen LJ Scott and Damien Terry go down with injuries, and with them went pretty much any hope of keeping up with the Nits. The MSU defense did a phenomenal job of bottling up Saquon Barkley, holding the strongest running back on earth to a whopping 14 yards rushing before sending him out of the game. Unfortunately, that left McSorely free to pick the secondary apart to the tune of 376 yards and 4 TDs. This was an old-fashioned ass-kicking. After hanging 55 on the hapless Nits last year and letting a lineman score a TD, Dantonio earned this one. This is how the East ends...not with a bang, but a whimper.

Aaron Yorke: Once again, the Penn State offense struggled in the first half only to explode in the second half. It's fun when Trace McSorley hits on almost every shot he takes downfield. He's done a great job picking up the slack when the running game has failed this year. With Saquon Barkley suffering an injury against Michigan State, it looks like McSorley could have some extra work on his plate next weekend in Indianapolis, but it's also important to remember that Penn State has had a deep stable of backs in reserve all season long. This win over the Spartans was just another example of the Lions staying focused and getting the job done when the stakes were high. That can't be the result of good coaching, can it?

87Townie: Want to see how a rivalry is born? Run up the score on a team when they are down. Last year, Sparty was up 48 to 16 and they handed the ball off to their starting center to run the ball in for a touchdown. The final score was 55 to 16. Their team and fans mocked Penn State. Comeuppance is a bitch, Dantonio.

This year it was our turn. We didn’t take our foot off the gas. Ostensibly, we’re looking for a higher ranking by the playoff committee. In actual fact, we were reminding Mark Dantonio that what comes around, goes around.

The Penn State Nittany Lions just completed a 10-2 season. They will play Wisconsin in Indianapolis for the B1G Championship.

So, can I say Penn State is back yet? You fucking bet I can. Do I care if we lose to Wisconsin? Nope. Just knowing that UM and OSU are looking up at us is the best Christmas present I could possibly get. And even if we lose to Wiscy, we’re probably going to the Rose Bowl, which is awesome.

So eat shit…by virtue of our win over OSU, we’re on top of the east. Hahahahahahahahahahaaaa.

Editor’s note: You’re actually tied for the East, but will be their representative. Neither of those programs is looking up at PSU.

Anders Krispykremeski: Jack Allen will never not stiff-arm Jason Cabinda's bitch ass, no matter how much Franklin chooses to throw in the 4th quarter (which MSU did NOT do last year, btw). This awful season is over, I'm sure Dantonio won't change a thing in the offseason, and as I genuinely advised all the pleasant PSU fans I encountered: have fun in Indy. But consider taking the L. Because a win gets you Bama. And they will ruin your New Year, that I promise.

Illinois at Northwestern | Northwestern rolls 42-21, retains a Hat

Justin Jackson has some company. The standout rusher tallied 173 yards against a porous Illini defense. The guy who came closest to catching wasn’t an Illinois tackler (come on, be serious) but Northwestern’s John Moten IV, who added 128 yards of his own. Together, they accounted for 5 Northwestern touchdowns. Clayton Thorson added a sixth for good measure. Wes Lunt tried to make a game of it know...Illinois and such.

MNW: Chapeau. I mean, what more should we say? Northwestern is 6-6 and this means Mick McCall returns, Dennis Springer returns, and Adam fucking Cushing returns. Stupendous. I will never cheer for the 'Cats to lose, but they have shown no signs that they are going to do anything but continue to make the same coaching blunders and fail to develop an offensive line, and the echo chamber that is Pat Fitzgerald's Northwestern equates 6-6 with ALL FINE, NOTHING TO SEE HERE.

Justin Jackson was outstanding again (3 TDs and 160some yards), John Moten IV has arrived as a change-of-pace back, and Clayton Thorson did enough to not lose. The defense decided to give 15-yard cushions to Illinois receivers and somehow only gave up 21 points.

Whatever. Pitt or North Carolina or Miami will house us in a bowl game, so let's hope for Wake or GT or Detroit. Cool.

Thumpasaurus: Well, that certainly happened. Playing Northwestern always makes me irrationally angry and this one didn't disappoint in that department. I really do hope some of the things our athletic department has done start to yield results, because this is just brutal and I don't know why I keep doing it to myself.

Minnesota at Wisconsin | Gophers gooph it up again 31-17

The Gophers came out gangbusters and looked like they were primed to down the sixth-ranked Badgers and take back the axe. Then Leidner saw his reflection in a water cup and everything unraveled. Leading 17-7 at the break the Gophers were absolutely flummoxed for the entire second half. Wisconsin pummeled Rodney Smith, closing down running lanes that had been so fruitful earlier in the game. That caused Minnesota to rely on Leidner’s arm, which is like relying on a half-price catering service for your wedding. It might work out, but in reality your dreams will be crushed to the tune of spoiled shellfish or 4 INTs. Minnesota would’ve preferred the shellfish. Wisconsin turned to Bart Houston after the Gophers knocked Hornibrook out of the game, and he delivered with 123 yards on 9 completions. The scoring was left to the many-headed beast of the Wisconsin backfield, with Clement, Ogunbawale, and Ingold notching TDs. Clement had two. In the end, the axe stays right where it always does.

Nate Peterson: And we're going to miss out on fleck. Hooray for mason 04-06 all over again. Plus gonna lose some of our better commits in the next few weeks. Done with this coaching staff. Just garbage. 2 defensive illegal blocks because dirty coaching. Another fucking loss to wisco. Pissing away another 2nd half lead. Kill lost 1 game with a second half lead. Also to wisco. This staff has put no effort into recruiting this year. May have to take a few years off if coyle doesn’t fire him because that means we don’t care about being excellent at football. We will regress just like mason did from 04-06. We beat one team in the s&p+ top 50. 4 conf wins against 90 and worse teams. We beat csu and no one else that matters. Blew games against any team with a pulse. I don’t have to be okay with mediocrity because I’m a minnesota fan. This program will fall back. The lack of discipline never finding a qb. Blowing 4th quarter leads in winnable games. This was not a great season. 2014 had better wins and a worse loss, a better conf winning percentage. I refuse to settle but our administration will gladly settle. What’s the point in caring if they don’t. The met the bare fucking minimum with no trophy wins and no wins in the quadrangle. We had a 5th yr qb, the easiest schedule you could ask for and we eked out 8 wins. This was not great. This was disheartening Blow it all up. I’m done with this team.

Rutgers at Maryland | Maryland wins 31-13

Maryland is bowl eligible. That’s the biggest takeaway from this game. The Terps’ Ty Johnson gashed the laughable Rutgers defense for 168 yards. Teldrick Morgan returned a punt for a TD. With this win, the Terps broke a four-game streak that saw them lose by 191-49 combined. Rutgers ends the season winless in the B1G, and should consider the future of the program. Seriously, guys. You make Purdue look good.

DJ Carver: We played Rutgers. We won like everyone else in the conference has, shocker! Perry Hills returned for this game and the offense looked like it knew what it was doing again, running the ball with ease against Rutgers. Most productive day? Backup senior QB Caleb Rowe proposed to his GF and former MD soccer player after the game (she said yes).

ZuzuRU: Maryland was the bullet to finally put Rutgers out of its 2016 season misery. Thank you. But to cap off my feelings on this season, screw all you mediocre to good teams and your successful success. I hope you all Michigan State next year.