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I got a lotta problems with you people, and now you’re going to hear about it!

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It's a Festivus for the Rest of Us! Time for the OTE airing of grievances.

The 2016 College Football season was... interesting to say the least. The Off Tackle Empire staff is certain you all have your share of grievances pertaining to teams, fan bases, specific games, coaching decisions, etc. We certainly do! Here is a space for the OTE and Big Ten communities to get together, celebrate the great holiday of Festivus and air some grievances. This is the only Festivus tradition which can be done via the Interwebs, and so we do hope you will be participating in Feats of Strength on your own durng your Festivus Dinner ( _if you celebrate this holiday of course, we will not make assumptions_ ). Some of Zuzu's and MNWildcat's grievances are below.

Definition of Grievance (_noun_): a real or imagined wrong or other cause for complaint or protest, especially unfair treatment.


Zuzu:

I hate you, Hoosiers. Your comeback win in our own stadium was totally uncalled for and your robbed us of what would have been our only Big Ten win. I could say most of the same to Minnesota, but I'll leave the Golden Gophers alone at the moment for... reasons. Anyway, Indiana, you lost to us two years in a row, our first two years in the conference. It was supposed to stay that way. I and other Rutgers fans felt wronged.

Penn State... Everything about your existence wrongs me and I hate you.

Big Ten teams who are better than Rutgers (all), your betterness is unfair and I'll have you hear about it more in the comments.

MNW:

First of all, Pat Fitzgerald. It is time for Mick McCall to go, and at the very least please let Adam Cushing look for new employment. You can find someone else who can recruit passably AND coach an offensive line that doesn’t resemble 2015 Penn State.

Second of all, Jim Phillips and the NU Athletic Department. STOP COMING UP WITH STUPID MARKETING SCHEMES. It’s like a mini-version of the SI Jinx. It’s dumb and you all should feel bad.

Northwestern basketball. Just stop making me believe. Please? This isn’t worth it. It is just going to hurt. It’s not The Year, and fuck you for making me think that it is.

wisconsin. Like, the whole state. Whether we’re talking about sports, [SPIDERS], or just personalities outside of brewers, stop being such colossal fucktrumpets of fans and people. Goddamnit I only have 4-5 months left in this damn state and it can’t come soon enough.

Everyone who makes fun of Northwestern’s rinky-dink facilities (which they are!). How try not losing to what you at various points refer to as “just,” or “high school,” or “not relevant” or whatever else. Give it a try or admit that [perhaps Ohio State and Michigan excluded] the only reason you’re being whiny little fucks about it is because you can’t actually beat the ‘Cats every time like you somehow think you’re entitled to, and you’re petulant little children about it.

Penn State. Admit that you have a fucking culture problem. Please.

Rutgers. Go away.

Maryland. Just pretend you’re not actually here, OK? You’re at least better than Rutgers (man, there’s a sentence I never thought I’d utter).

And stop thinking we care about Duke. We don’t care about Duke. Or North Carolina. Learn to bitch about Penn State and Ohio State and like it. They’re your daddies now.

Ohio State. Whatever devil magic Thad Matta exercises over the rest of the Big Ten (seriously, 11 straight 10+ win seasons?), it ends now. I cannot stand seeing that Rudolph-nosed walking hypertension poster boy stop and incredulously throw his hands up en route to another NCAA tournament berth for no fucking reason.

The same goes for John Beilein. No team that has been without a legitimate big man for that long deserves to have a horseshoe lodged so delicately up its ass.

Every whiny Michigan State fan who disappeared after they lost a couple games in 2016. Come back and take your goddamn lumps if you’re gonna clog up a good blog talking shit non-stop.

For Tom Izzo, a new pair of lifts. For Tom Crean, a new haircut.

...sorry, I forgot what I was doing for a second there.

Minnesota. Like, the entire state. Fix your college program and then try actually taking some fucking pride in it. I cannot read one more nonsensical article shitting on Jerry Kill or listen to one more hand-wringing radio tirade because Bobby Jackson isn’t walking through that door to lead Richard Pitino’s club to greatness. Could you not tear down any semblance of success with your pro clubs, either? Jesus the self-hate is what we do, I get it, but holy shit it doesn’t have to be all we do.

People trying to act like my dissertation’s already been written. No it hasn’t, you assholes. LA LA LA LA I CAN’T HEAR YOU LA LA LA LA MY BOOK WILL BE PUBLISHED IN 2020.

Off Tackle Empire. Could we try being just a little happier and more considerate of each other? Or just have 200-comment subthreads where we accuse each other of moving goalposts and setting up strawmen.

Someone else take the pole, I’m exhausted. Happy Festivus, you miserable bastards. The Feats of Strength will begin at some point, but you’ll have to wrestle Dan Gable. God have mercy on your souls.


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