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APR Update: Somebody's not so B1G.

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Let's make some assumptions based on an mediocre system of measuring academic success!

LOOK AT ALL THE BOOKS I'M NOT CARRYING!
LOOK AT ALL THE BOOKS I'M NOT CARRYING!
Rich Barnes-USA TODAY Sports

The NCAA released the updated APR scores for the 4-year rolling period of 2011-12 through 2014-15 yesterday, and surprise surprise: nearly everyone in the B1G is above average.  Because this is OTE and we don't actually watch football, it's reasonably safe for you to guess that we're not going to spend any time actually trying to understand what actually goes into calculating this.  And you'd be right.  If you'd like to know, you're free to go here and figure it out on your own.  I'm here today to do what we do best at OTE: share my opinion that's loosely backed up by facts.

So here are your B1G Football programs, in descending order:

Team Multi-Year APR
Minnesota 992
Northwestern 992
Michigan 989
Illinois 982
Nebraska 981
Indiana 979
Michigan State 978
Maryland 977
Rutgers 972
Iowa 971
tOSU 971
Purdue 968
Penn State 960
wisconsin 992

Before we get to what this means, it should be noted that the NCAA FBS average for football programs during the measured period was 964.  So what can we learn from this?  First and foremost, Minnesota and Northwestern produce the smartest football players, with Michigan right behind us.  This should have already been known by everyone.  We can also conclude that wisconsin is exceptional at lying and cheating to game the system.  Iowa and Ohio State have been building their recent success by focusing on football. Kudos to the Hawkeyes in joining the Buckeyes in not being here to play school. And Purdue is doing it's best to show that you can be crap in football and academics at the same time.  Bravo, good Boilermakers.

But then there's one school below the line: Penn State.  Guys, you're supposed to be B1G.  A 960 ARP is simply not acceptable. The conference average is 979.  We're poet-warriors around these parts, and you need to start doing your part. If you'd like to be in the SEC and contribute to their average score of 967, be my guest. Leave your Barbasol bucks at the door for the rest of us to redistribute and go share your best varmint recipe with those yokels.