NCAA Bans Satellite Camps After Jim Harbaugh Ruins It For Everyone

Today, the NCAA announced a clarification of academic integrity rules and standards that really boils down to banning the so-called "Satellite Camps" that have become such a big story now that Jim Harbaugh has been pushing the principal to its farthest extremes:

The Council approved a proposal applicable to the Football Bowl Subdivision that would require those schools to conduct camps and clinics at their school's facilities or at facilities regularly used for practice or competition. Additionally, FBS coaches and noncoaching staff members with responsibilities specific to football may be employed only at their school's camps or clinics. This rule change is effective immediately.

The NCAA is very concerned with academic integrity and the fear that prospective student-athletes' choice of school might be influenced by something other than their scholarly and academic ambitions is absolutely the only thing that drove this decision. To see such purity in such a cynical world dominated by the pursuit of the almighty dollar is like the first rain after a devastating drought.

Sarcastic disdain for the NCAA aside, these camps have been a tool to expose players to coaches and programs from all parts of the country and have become a more and more common trend. Nobody was making a big deal about it until Jim Harbaugh jutted his big ol' chin onto the scene and all but declared that the Michigan Wolverines were invading Florida, Georgia, Texas and other places. He's been there one season and it's already clear that he's intent on pushing every boundary in the name of exposure, and is probably delighted that the primary side effect is pissing everyone off. I still don't really know how that whole Harbaugh-mentors-NFL-quarterback-prospects thing wasn't some kind of conflict of interest and/or NCAA violation.

Jim Harbaugh went in with the rest of the neighborhood on discreetly stealing cable, but then installed 20 TV's and used so many amps and splitters to boost his lines that the FCC detected megawatts of signal leakage and the whole neighborhood's cover got blown.

Jim Harbaugh went trick-or-treating and came to a house where nobody was home, but the homeowners had left a big bowl of candy out with a sign that said only "Trick or treat!" Nobody told him he couldn't take all the candy, so he did.

Jim Harbaugh is trying to pass off his satellite camp in Florida as U of M Tampa. It's even connected to the Ann Arbor campus via a tunnel that he dug not just with his bare hands, but with his plowlike jaw.

Jim Harbaugh is going to start a Twitter beef over this ruling like a high school girl.