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Escape from New Jersey

New Jersey is a dump. Everyone wants out!

I wanted to use a licensed picture of Ron Dayne holding up the Heisman.
I wanted to use a licensed picture of Ron Dayne holding up the Heisman.
Donald Miralle/Getty Images

Rootjars, pull up a chair and sit down. Let's have a talk.

All this week we've been hearing about the "sleeping giant" this, the "rise of rutgers" that. That Rootjernian domination will commence in a few years. While some of you might earnestly believe it to be true, its not. Time for a reality check.

In 2010, Nebraska was added to our grand conference, and they had dreams of dominating their new home. And indeed they went 9-4 (5-3 in conference) in their first season in 2011. They were given the toughest schedule and thought it was just a warm up to next year. Called it a down year. They were on a rise, ready to win National Titles again.

In 2012 they went 10-4 (7-1) and made it to Indianapolis where Wisconsin scored again and again and again.

A few years of winning only nine games (heaven forbid!) go by. They lose to Northwestern twice. Their fans start getting antsy. Then they fire their coach and hired a nice guy from the west coast with a W/L record similar to Pat Fitzgerald.

Last year they went 6-7 and lost to Purdue and Illinois. PURDUE!!!

You are not Nebraska. You have few fans, little if any tradition that anyone cares about, and a first-time head coach. Sometimes they work out. Sometimes you get delusional buffoons like this:

Insight Bowl - Minnesota v Iowa State
Photo by Christian Petersen/Getty Images

The odds are that Chris Ash will fall flat on his face. Greg Schiano has much better career stability being on Urban Meyer's staff in Columbus than Ash will on the Banks of the (smelly) Ol' Raritan. He's not coming back.

Ash is going to have some severe problems with recruiting. So you say that New Jersey is bursting with recruits? Good. Every single coach in this conference has been raiding New Jersey for years.

Barry Alvarez found an absolute jewel in Ron Dayne, from Overbrook High School in Pine Hill. Ron Dayne only won the Heisman in 1999 and spent seven years playing pro ball in New Jersey for the NY Giants. Surprisingly, Dayne is not a fan of rutger because they didn't even bother to recruit him! I'll let explain further

"Rutgers, out of all the schools, they were the only school that never recruited me, and I lived in New Jersey," Dayne said at a Big Ten Network kickoff party in Manhattan on Thursday night. "So I'm not a Rutgers fan."

"I never got a letter or anything," said Dayne, who holds the Division 1-A career rushing yards record. "I lived in New Jersey. I did track meets at Rutgers. And I never got a letter."

You guys don't even know what's in your backyard, and you guys have been clueless for years.

Nebraska recruited, you guessed it, another Heisman winner from New Jersey when they snagged Mike Rozier out of Camden.

Northwestern stole DE Corey Wooton away from rootjers from Don Bosco Prep.

Minnesota Vikings v Tennessee Titans Photo by Frederick Breedon/Getty Images

Wisconsin kept rootjars down by stealing away Corey Clement from Glassboro.

National University Holiday Bowl - USC v Wisconsin Photo by Sean M. Haffey/Getty Images

Michigan State humiliated rutger by successfully recruiting Shilique Calhoun from Middletown North high school.

Big Ten Championship Photo by Andy Lyons/Getty Images

Ohio State burned Rootjars by getting CB Eli Apple from Eastern Regional High School in Vorhees.

BattleFrog Fiesta Bowl - Ohio State v Notre Dame Photo by Norm Hall/Getty Images

Penn State won the services of beastly DT Austin Johnson from Saint Augustine High School in Richland.

Illinois v Penn State Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images

The #3 recruit in the country (that year) Jabril Peppers stars for Michigan after their coaching staff stole him from Rutgers from Paramus Catholic high school.

Michigan Football Spring Game Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

I could go on and on.

All of these players knew better than to waste their time and talents on the banks for a state school that didn't care about football.

And don't get all uppity thinking that you'll be able to reverse this trend. The current coaches in the Big Ten are sharks.

Jim Harbaugh is probably sleeping over with star recruits right now. Or taking their mothers/high school coaches to dinner.

Urban Meyer is probably snapchatting with other star players.

Mark Dantonio is going to do whatever it takes.

Heck, even Mike Riley is going to spend Nebraska's extremely high recruiting budget to basically live in the state of New Jersey because there sure as shit aren't recruits back home.

Hell, even Maryland has figured out recruiting this year under their new coach while you all still recruiting in mediocrity.

Guess what? Wisconsin just offered your RB that is committed (from Jersey) and if Wisconsin history tells me something, he will end up there!

You guys are only here because we can get a dollar or two a month from everyone in the NJ/NY area off of basic cable. I'd rather tell you to go away, but Boss Delany from South Orange says we're stuck with you.

Welcome to your new life and know your role: