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SHERMAN'S MARCH TO THE SEA: TULSA GOLDEN HURRICANE

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Tulsa, Oklahoma, where football relevance dried up long before the oil fields.

Troy Taormina-USA TODAY Sports

Welcome back to SHERMAN'S MARCH TO THE SEA, where I greet the enemies of the Big Ten Conference with scorn and destruction. My convoy has moved into Tulsa, the self-proclaimed Oil Capitol of the World. I WONDER HOW I'LL BURN THIS CITY DOWN, HMMMMMM?

Tulsa didn't take too kindly to the ramifications of my Union's victory in the Civil War and lashed out sixty years later. WHY DO YOU HATE AMERICA, TULSA?

This hatred of America can be the only explanation for why Tulsa played five consecutive New Year's Day bowls...from 1941 to 1945. YOUR ONLY PERIOD OF FOOTBALL RELEVANCE CAME WHEN THE REST OF THE COUNTRY WAS BUSY SUPPORTING THE WAR EFFORT, AND YOU STILL WENT 2-3 IN THOSE BOWL GAMES.

There's not nearly enough industry left in Tulsa to create a truly golden hurricane, but at the time, I suppose "Tulsa Golden Hurricane" sounded pretty industrial and advanced. WE MAKE ACID RAIN, WE'RE AN EARLY 20th CENTURY WORLD POWER!

The name remains despite Tulsa long since falling out of public relevance in the football sphere. Tulsa is still the last FBS program to have three digits hung on them (a 100-6 loss to Houston in 1968) and that is their sole claim to fame since the second World War. THE GOLDEN HURRICANE IS, AS THE NAME SUGGESTS, A CYCLONE OF PISS.

With the firing of Bill Blankenship, I was hoping Tulsa could bring in his more successful brother Kenny Blankenship, whose motivational mantra I remember to this day: DON'T GET ELIMINATED! Alas, they brought in Phil Montgomery, which is a remarkably forgettable name.

I CAN SAY NO MORE ABOUT TULSA. THIS IS ALMOST CERTAINLY THE MOST ANYONE'S WRITTEN ABOUT TULSA IN DECADES. I SEE YOUR GOLDEN HURRICANE AND RAISE YOU A GOLDEN TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR. PISS ON YOU.

Tulsa's Next B1G Matchup: September 10th, 2016 at the home of the Ohio State Buckeyes. Looks like they've traded being Oklahoma's whipping boy for being that of Ohio State.

Sherman's Next Destination: Monroe, Louisiana.