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Penn State Hate

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Hey, Penn State. Get over yourselves.

Map summation of Penn State hate.
Map summation of Penn State hate.
SportsPickle

(Feel free to skip these two cheesy anecdotes for the real hate further down)

Some time ago in a Demon Elementary School of the Underworld...

Demon Teacher: Alright class! I hope you enjoyed making your creations. Everyone show each other the fruits of your efforts.

Demon Teacher Aide: Wow. I never thought these kids would get into a sewing class. Nice job convincing the Demon School Board.

Demon Teacher: Yeah, and it really is a win-win for us. The nice creations will be put on display in the front of the school for all of the Underworld to see! And the bad ones... well, we'll be sending those to the Overworld to terrorize some humans.

Demon Teacher Aide: Excellent! Surely the humans will cower in fear of these Demon children's creations and not be stupid enough to incorporate any as their dumb college's mascot or something.

Demon Teacher: Indeed. However stupid I find humans, I believe they would be intelligent enough to not do that.

*Demon Child walks up to Demon Teacher and Aide*

Demon Child: Hi Mrs. Hades. The other kids are making fun of my creation.

Demon Teacher: Oh I'm sorry. I'm sure it's fine! Let me see it.

*Demon Child shows his creation*

Demon Teacher: Oh my... Well, you are still going to get an "A" because of your effort. I'll take that. Thank you.

*Demon child walks away*

Demon Teacher Aide: What a grotesque, ugly thing, even for the Underworld.

Demon Teacher: Yep, this going right above. *Makes call to the main office* Okay, so apparently the school can cheaply deliver it to a place called "Central Pennsylvania" of the Overworld.

Demon Teacher Aide: Interesting. Eager to hear of the humans' reactions. Even if they're not horrified by it, and they'd actually be idiots not to be, I hope they realize that keeping a trinket from the Underworld will bring bad luck to them in their future lives.

Demon Teacher: Well, we can only hope.

*Demonic cackling*

During a Fight Song Assignment Group board meeting...

Leader: Alright everyone! This school needs a fight song. Quick! Think of a song you already know of that has a feel of maturity and power. From this, we will base the fight song of a school called Notre Da—

Member 1: Penn State.

Leader: What?

Member 1: Sorry to interrupt sir, but the school is actually called Penn State.

Leader: No, that can't be right. I thought this was the independent school?

Member 1: Yes, it is, but this is the other one. The one for poor Pennsylvanians.

Leader: .... Whatever. Anyway, think of a song that we can model this school's fight song after that will show the immense, possibly distorted pride and seriousness they have for it.

Member 2: I got it!

Leader: ... Is this a joke?

Member 2: Ummm... No?

Leader: You're suggesting that a school's fight song should sound more like show music and a damn cartoon theme than the fight songs we've assigned to tons of other schools that are iconic, command respect, and are well-known throughout this nation?

Member 2: .... I'm sorry I'm dru—

Leader: I LIKE IT. Easy.

Member 1: And sir, I'm sure they'll take whatever garbage we come up with because they already took that demonic mascot somehow. I swear every time I look into that thing's eyes I feel like something really bad might happen to me.

Member 3: Well, at least you're not their people who see it all the time!

Leader: Alright enough chatter, someone make their goofy fight song and send it over.

Now for the Real Hate

Congratulations Penn State, you're permanently ingrained in the category of schools that have it so its fans and alumni have to explain themselves whenever someone, who knows nothing about Penn State more than what the media tells it, asks about your collegiate affiliation. Sure, that may be a negative reflection on the person asking, but that doesn't matter. There are millions like them who hate you, and the truth is that Penn State rarely conjures up a positive sentiment in a non-PSU fan. Your school and your program is judged from sea to sea and border to border. If you have the energy to deal with this, that's fine I guess, but that doesn't stop the fact that this judgement is something that you, Penn State, encounter that very few schools' contingents do.

Oh... that unites you? How sweet. I mean, I'd rather be united by a discovery, historical event, accomplishment, or some other milestone without associated terrible baggage, but hey, whatever boats your float.

Also, Penn Staters in particular need to relax with the extreme version of, "this is my identity," "We Are special," stuff. You and your fans are no different than any other fanbase who has great care and devotion to their school. You always throw out the same few things as a way of suggesting that your school is different and more special than all others. Newsflash: Every school has a parallel to what you hold dear. As an example, you always throw out THON, but so many schools now have a version of this. "Yeah, well ours is the biggest!" Congratufuckinglations Penn State. You turned raising money for sick children into a damn competition. All those other lowly schools are just awful for not raising as much as you. This noses held high sentiment about THON is heavily prevalent among your supporters and penetrates into other points of pride in your school. "We have the largest alumni network in the nation." Okay. This screams one thing to me: When you go to Penn State, all you have is Penn State for four years (or more) which is just sad. And of course, "Our academics are"—

PENN STATE. STOP. Just stop. Your academic pretentiousness shows in your Wikipedia summary and even your Google Maps description. "Huge school known for research & service." Really? Really, Penn State? Is that what you're known for? This quote sums up Penn State and academics:

"There was never a "Penn State Way", Success with Honor never existed and Pennstaters belong to a fucking time warped, brain-washed cult of a student body that thinks it went to an Ivy League-caliber university and not another diploma mill state school. Penn State wouldn't even be on the map if not for football. The difference in national recognition between Penn State and Wazzu is that the former has had elite football and the latter hasn't." -source

Moving on. Dear Penn State alums and students, to echo the quote above, your school is a big state school. Just FYI, there are a lot of these. I'm sure it's hard to see the rest of the country in that middle of nowhere Happy Pills Valley of yours, but uhhh yeah, there's a ton. To get into a bit of light, light, light psychology, if you love Penn State, that means you have the mental capacity (and propensity) to love something as defining as your college experience. The average 20-ish year old is probably going to latch onto and have great emotion for the first taste of freedom they get in their lives, and a place where they have defining experiences. For most people, this is college, and that's like.... why alumni associations for other schools exist. What? Yes. I already told you, other schools exist. Yeah, they have alumni and current students. And some (a lot) have better academics and better football!

I guess what I'm trying to tell you is, your experience at Penn State wasn't (isn't) really as unique as you think it is. College is college. Most people who go to other schools seem to be smart enough to grasp this concept, but it's something that Penn Staters especially, cannot comprehend.

Hey Penn State,

(Penn Staters pictured below)

To make what I'm saying more clear— If I could round up every Penn State loving PSU alum, go back in time and put them at a different rural-suburban, Land Grant, state university, there is an incredibly high chance you'd be bleeding that school's colors instead. But in this reality, you went to Penn State. Congratulations and relax. Yes, you have special aspects that you can be proud of, but, relatively speaking, your special is no more special than another school's special. And there is nothing that brings me more joy than reminding you that you could've been a fan of so many other schools, complete with the desire to have vast amounts of attire, abundant car decals, and over-decorated man-caves without the baggage, embarrassment, and judgement that your program has. I bet a time machine looks great to some of you— If you changed your past and chose a different school, you'd never even know that in an inferior universe (this one) you could've been a Penn State alum. You could be on that different school's SB Nation blog shitting on Penn State just like everyone else!

For the fans who are non-alums... So you're a fan of Penn State because of your family, locale, and the program's success in the past? Wow! That's so unique! You definitely hold the monopoly on that one since no other school has fans like th—oh wait... no.... no nevermind, I was wrong. Hey, Penn State, if I could direct your attention to the fanbases of EVERY OTHER SUCCESSFUL FOOTBALL SCHOOL.

Why am I going through this effort to show that you are no different than anyone else in the category of "big school with football"? Because you are actually no different than anyone else in the category of "big school with football," but your weird fanbase tries its best to distance itself from being just another group of fans and state school alums. Well... then again, I'll give you that. Penn State certainly has "different" fans ... (That's a link. Recent too. Click it and don't worry, you won't have to scroll far!). But nooooo, what was I thinking? Surely this article written by an entire staff and one that touches on an idea present in many other articles is wrong.

We Are perfect. We Are the best fans. We Are going to treat you a way that you don't deserve. We Are self righteous. We Are unable to comprehend that we may actually be terrible in spite of the tons of sporting sites and fan experiences that suggest that we are terrible.

"Oh. But I'm a good Penn State fan. I yelled at these PSU fans who were doing _____."

That is textbook self righteousness right there. EVERY fanbase has jerks, so there is zero need to do this unless you are purposefully trying to attempt to create this "we're better than you," aura. Your noses held high inclination shows, and your fans are either rude, terrible assholes, as described by the link, or holier than thou turds. There is no in between.

The fact that you try to separate yourselves from everyone created your stupid "#Unrivaled" culture. "We Are Penn State and We Are too good to have rivals, but Ohio State and Michigan are totally our rivals because they're good." Give me a freaking break. Your pining to be rivals with schools that genuinely don't give a damn about your program is one of the most pathetic things in college football.

Allow me to give an example of "genuinely not giving a damn about program 'x' in college football"—That would be when an Ohio State fan doesn't bring up Penn State in an article or conversation unrelated to the latter. Something that your fanbase should probably learn with regards to Rutgers and Maryland. After all, you're not rivals with them. It's not like a solid rivalry with these two geographically close programs could blossom into TWO really exciting games a year with said programs that have already proven to want to be rivals with you. Because there are sooooo many D1 programs with a legitimate "trivalry." Trivalries aren't cool or unique in the college football world, of course. Circling TWO games on your calendars each year, where those teams circle you back, doesn't sound fun at all. Yeah, just continue to circle the high-caliber programs in invisible ink that literally view you as an ugly, mangy stray cat, whilst you Tweet #Unrivaled.

Credit to OTE user RUinNYC

One Last Thing

To end this hate, I'd like to remind everyone that Penn State, The Pennsylvania State University of State College, Pennsylvania was the first, "get out of the Big Ten" school. The OG GTFOTM is a title reserved by you. YOU Penn State, YOU, and however happy you are to no longer be the sole member on that list, you actually are still on it and now share it with two other schools.

In short, Penn State. Get over yourselves.

Also, for those coming over from BSD who already hate OTE. This gif is for you.