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SHERMAN'S MARCH TO THE SEA: BOISE STATE BRONCOS

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You had your fifteen minutes of fame. Now go away.

SPARTY'D
SPARTY'D
Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

Though my progress was delayed significantly by hangovers from the Texas State incident, morale remains high among the troops. We rode with renewed vigor towards Boise, Idaho, where some football team was a top-25 regular prior to last year.

Wait, what? Why does anyone care about the Boise State Broncos? To understand, I had to do some research. After some time with Houston Nutt and Dirk Koetter, Boise State named Dan Hawkins the head coach and he proceeded to tear up the WAC. Colorado hired him away when they were convinced that his genius alone elevated Boise State to the top 25, and he proceeded to name his son the starting quarterback. But that's a story for another time.

No, what got everyone's attention was the series of trick plays that carried Boise State to an upset of Adrian Peterson's Oklahoma Sooners in 2007. Congratulations on making your name against one of the most notorious choke artists in recent memory. Next season, Bob Stoops would lose so badly that Rich Rodriguez was hired at Michigan. The following year, he would lose so badly that Tim Tebow would be drafted in the first round. Bob Stoops is a kingmaker.

But there's more to it than that. Everyone remembers the scrappy underdog pulling it out with trick plays. What nobody remembers is that Boise State led 28-10 with under 20 minutes left in the game! After giving up 18 points, the Broncos would get the ball with just over a minute to play and immediately throw a pick-six. What really happened was that Boise State got in a choking match with Oklahoma and lost.

For years after that, Boise State expected the college football world to take it seriously. The college football world responded by banishing the Broncos to lower bowls against mid-majors. In 2007, Boise State failed to win the WAC for the first time since 2001 and had their nose rubbed in it by being sent to the home of the champions (Hawaii) to lose to East Carolina. After losing to then-fellow-BCS-buster TCU in the Poinsettia Bowl, Boise State would go undefeated and return to the Fiesta Bowl to face.........TCU of the Mountain West. The Broncos then lived at the Las Vegas bowl for several years.

Speaking of TCU, Boise State was desperately trying in the late 2000's to hook up with them to create a BCS-viable conference. The Broncos left the dying WAC to join the Mountain West in 2011. TCU responded by announcing it was joining the Big East. Thirsty stalkers that they are, Boise State then agreed to join the Big East. Unable to file a restraining order against the Broncos, TCU finally found refuge in the Big 12, which did not consider Boise State.

In their only year of coexistence in one conference, the Horned Frogs won the Mountain West over the Broncos. Boise State, you wish you could be TCU, but ultimately you are a rec league team in the middle of nowhere, and you're never going to be a national power. I WILL NOT TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY WHILE YOUR TURF IS BLUE. YOU CANNOT DO THAT AND BE RESPECTED.

Boise State has been involved in some early-season matchups with some football teams from real conferences and has even won a few. I'm sure you remember LeGarrette Blount's actions after his Oregon Ducks lost on the hated Smurf Turf.

blount punch

That's a quality punch to the face of Byron Hout, who exemplifies Boise State perfectly in that he's set up as just some good-natured football player being victimized by a sore loser from a money conference, but in reality is a filthy, filthy player that deserved all the shit that came his way. Outside of his tendency towards dirtydirty plays, he went above and beyond to earn his punch to the face that day. Not a sympathetic victim.

Let's see that punch again.

blount punch

What a beauty.

What wasn't beautiful was the way Michigan State edged out this pathetic team back in 2012. Still, that was the least successful Spartans team in years, and the mighty BCS-buster that the big conferences so feared couldn't muster more than 13 points. Once the most sought-after mid-major coach, Chris Petersen letting it ride and letting it ride until finally he had to settle for a middling Washington program when he finally decided to cash out. And now, Boise State, I'm afraid the ride is over.

BOISE STATE, YOU'LL NEVER BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY AND YOU'LL NEVER BE A FOOTBALL POWER. THE BIG TEN CONFERENCE HAS ALREADY DEEMED YOU TO NOT BE AN ACCEPTABLE SUBSTITUTE FOR A POWER 5 TEAM. ON BEHALF OF COLLEGE FOOTBALL FANS EVERYWHERE, WE HAVE DECLARED THAT YOUR ADORABLE LITTLE MOMENT HAS COME AND GONE AND THAT'S ALL IT WAS AND ALL IT EVER WILL BE.

I DON'T THINK THERE ARE ANY FANS TO ADDRESS, BUT JUST IN CASE I'M WRONG, HERE'S A PARTING SHOT:

Boise State's next B1G matchup: September 17, 2022, hosting the Michigan State Spartans on their hideous blue turf.

Sherman's Next Destination: Corvallis, Oregon