OUT IN THE WEST TEXAS TOWN OF EL PASO
I GOT TOO DRUNK AND I GOT IN A FIGHT
MY SOLDIERS LET US GO MANO A MANO
SOMEONE WAS GETTING A BEATING THAT NIGHT
HE THREW A RIGHT HOOK THAT I DUCKED AND COUNTERED
MY UPPERCUT KNOCKED HIM RIGHT TO THE FLOOR
HE TRIED TO STAND BUT HE KNEW IT WAS OVER
I HEARD HIM TELL ME "I GIVE IN; NO MORE"
HE WAS A GOOD SPORT AND THEN WE SHOOK HANDS,
QUIT YELLING and then made nice,
I asked him what brought him here to El Paso,
He shook my hand and said he was Mike Price.
So we ended up
Sharing some beers and exchanging our stories,
He said he once was a head football coach
Formerly coach of the poor Wazzu Cougars,
Went to two Rose Bowls before he was poached,
Coached Ryan Leaf after coaching Drew Bledsoe,
Won ten games three times and had great success,
When he left Pullman with a winning record,
Washington State would revert to a mess.
Mike Price was named the new head coach at Bama,
But before he stood on Crimson Tide sidelines
He had some partying he had to do
So of course he was
Seen at a strip club down in Pensacola,
At that time his night had only begun,
He took some strippers back to his hotel room
He locked the door and they all had some fun,
They knew he was Coach Price of Alabama,
Right in mid-coitus, they shouted "Roll Tide!"
He went along with the cheer they were giving
"It's rolling baby!" is how he replied.
When morning came he could not find his Visa
It had been charged a whole grand,
News made its way back to old Tuscaloosa,
Their hire was not going as they had planned,
Fired Mike Price and he ended up jobless
He looked for any new gig he could get,
Out in the west Texas town of El Paso,
They thought Mike Price was a pretty good bet.
First he succeeded but then things went stagnant,
UTEP is not where much football is won.
Thus the best coach that UTEP ever hired
Ended up forty-eight and sixty-one.
Then Mike Price told me "I hope they succeed,
But I have serious doubts,
This place has such a long record of losing
I don't think Sean Kugler can lead them out."
So then we had to
Wash that tale down with some shots of tequila,
He asked if we want to get weird tonight,
I declined this rather strange invitation,
Freaky he may be, but damn he's polite.
We said goodbye and my troops grabbed their gas cans
Doused every building and coated the ground,
Lit the whole city alight and retreated,
And then we watched old El Paso burn down.
UTEP's Next Big Ten Matchup: None Scheduled
Sherman's Next Destination: Lubbock, Texas