clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

(Satire) B1G News: Delany Announces B1G Championship Game Changes

New, comments
The Big Ten Network Kick Off Party Photo by Ben Gabbe/Getty Images for Wink Public Relations

In a surprise announcement today, Big Ten Commissioner Jim Delany announced that Purdue and Rutgers would be scrimmaging following the 3rd quarter of the Big Ten Championship Game at Lucas Oil Stadium in Indianapolis on December 3rd.

When asked about it, Delany responded “This is a multi-purpose decision. First of all, the insurance costs to let the local Pop Warner kids play are getting out of control. We want to look out for the long term health of our young football fans, and those kids hit way harder than anyone on either of these teams.”

After a few moments of stunned silence, Delany continued, saying “Additionally, we just don’t see any way that either team will be playing in the Big Ten Championship Game in the foreseeable ever. We wanted to give their players and fans a feeling of what it could be like to play on a big stage, but without getting bludgeoned by Ohio State. And we also wanted to give some of these fine student-athletes a chance to be seen somewhere other than highlights for their opponents.”

The scrimmage will be available on the Big Ten Network following its original airing on alternating Tuesday nights, replacing the regularly scheduled airings of things from the 1990s that made Nebraska fans feel better about themselves.