#BOLDPREDICTIONS

These are #BOLDPREDICTIONS. You will leave your #BOLDPREDICTIONS in the comments. At some point we will award the Mike Jones Memorial Baja Blast Bold Prediction Award to a commenter.

Townie:

• Michigan’s quarterback woes kill their season. Team finishes with 9 wins. Harbaugh ruptures a blood vessel
• Purdue’s Darrell Hazell pulls the impossible. Wins five conference games. Named B1G Coach of the Year
• Northwestern implodes without superback Dan Vitale. Goes 4-8 for the season with no bowl game.
• Chris Ash wakes up from a nightmare, where he took the rutger coaching job. Finds out it was real. Quits to coach Bucknell.
• Iowa wins the west, only to get blown out in the B1G championship game.

Thumpasaurus

• Michigan State and Wisconsin will combine for less than 20 wins
• Illinois will break 50,000 attendance at more than zero home games this year
• An Ohio State player recruited by Urban Meyer will be arrested oh oops these are “bold” predictions
• Beth Mowins will call no fewer than three games involving Purdue
• The Chicago Bears will lose more games than the Illinois Fighting Illini

GF

• Aroo was actually a warrior robot from the future (much in the form of the T-800) coming back to warn us that incessant message board trolling and petty sniping will be the beginning of the end for humanity. In fact, the Cyclonic Wars of 2132 that ends Europe once and for all? Set off by an offseason argument about whether Nebraska is in the Midwest. Sadly, and probably because he was a great warrior robot from the future, Aroo was unable to convey this message in a subtle way and ended up being banned from OTE’s comment section for trolling...everyone. He is currently selling insurance plans in Santa Fe and desperately trying to get unbanned so he can finally get the message through before humanity is eviscerated by one more damn comment section argument about Jim Harbaugh’s antics, or whether Michigan is “elite”, or whether Michigan State is disrespected, or...this is exhausting. Maybe we deserve our fate?
• Humanity does in fact deserve its fate.

Speth

• Wisconsin beats Minnesota
• Iowa remains a terrible state.

Oh shit I'm not predicting anything, yet alone bold. #statingtheobvious

• Wisconsin beats 2 of LSU, Michigan, MSU, and OSU.
• Nebraska wins as many conference games this year as total games last year, still don't win division.
• Wisconsin wins at Northwestern (fuck this actually being a rather bold prediction)
• Indiana beats Michigan
• Purdue beats Minnesota (Minnesota’s gonna get a Blough job and they aren't gonna like it)
• Wisconsin plays OSU in Indy
• At least 3 of these will actually be right

Candystripes

• In spite of breaking in new head coaches this year, Maryland and Rutgers will have a better overall record than the bottom half of the B1G West.
• Despite not breaking in a new head coach, Penn State fails to achieve 6 wins.
• 2016 will be the year Indiana finally upsets one of the top teams in the conference.
• Iowa will come close to repeating its 2015 success, going 10-2 and making it to Indy, which will be reason enough for the Hawkeyes to #ExtendKirk for another 10 years.
• A Big Ten game will see 20 combined punts in regulation time.
• Michigan fails to live up to expectations. Again.
• A rivalry trophy that hasn’t changed locations in more than 5 years does so in 2016.
• All 14 head coaches are still employed at the start of November. 2 are gone before the end of January.
• Someone in the Big Ten East wins the Heisman Trophy.

GF3

• MSU loses to both OSU and UM in crushing fashion, trailing by more than 10 points in both 4th quarters.
• Indiana surprises to finish third in the east
• Penn State doesn’t hit 7 wins and hires another SEC coach (coordinator) to replace Franklin
• Jim Harbaugh gets a 15-yard penalty for screaming at the ref
• Iowa collapses back to 9 wins.
• Minnesota wins the axe.
• LSU crushes Wisconsin by 30 points
• A Michigan fan gets maced at PSU
• PSU fans wear all white as a form of “intimidation.”
• MSU Little Bros about every last goddam thing
• MSU fans attribute Old Testament wisdom to Mark Dantonio
• OTE commenters predict their respective team will lose while expecting they’ll win so as to minimize backlash should it happen

Graham Filler is a form of advanced intelligence from the future, communicating via an interstellar-like rift in the fabric of spacetime, giving warnings of false prophets in an attempt to make us believe that his is the one true path to the salvation of humanity. He is, in fact, an other-worldly force of malevolence bent on destroying the earth for his own grim pleasure. Also, he’s not really a lawyer but Doug Llewellyn, the exit interview specialist from the People’s Court.

MNW:

• Purdue fires Darrell Hazell mid-season. Hark! A boat is spotted, alighting with great haste up yon Mighty Wabash!
• Nebraska loses another 6 games and cans Mike Riley. But soft! What beer through yonder cornfield cracks? It is the Beast, and Bert blocks out the sun.
• MNW gets an A in his Remedial Shakespeare class.
• Midway through the season, mired at 3-5, Paul Chryst catches a case of the sniffles, prompting Barry to declare that he needs bed rest for at least a month and that he, His Diabeetness, will rule on an “interim” basis.
• Penn State will stumble to 8-4, prompting all of Nittanydom to proclaim SANCTIONS ARE OVER. Penn State will be outside the Top 50 in S&P+.
• Indiana will upset either Ohio State or Michigan. Kevin Wilson will promptly bolt for a Big XII school (West Virginia) after taking the Hoosiers bowling a second straight year.
• None of the above coaching changes actually happens, because MNW is an idiot.
• Rex Grossman is announced as the new Illinois quarterbacks coach. Wes Lunt proceeds to throw for 20 TDs and 32 INTs.
• Northwestern > Iowa > Minnesota > Wisconsin > Nebraska > Northwestern.
• Michigan > Michigan State > Ohio State > Michigan.
• The champion of the West, at 6-3, then upsets the 8-1 East champion and NO ONE GETS INTO THE PLAYOFF.
• A pipe bursts in the ceiling of Lucas Oil Stadium, causing the second half of the B1GCG to be played under very wet conditions.
• You’ll never guess who wins the East.
• All hail Minnesota, somehow our Big Ten overlords?
• I stay sober and rather pleasant for at least 6 of Northwestern’s 12 regular-season games.