Let’s get right to it.
Why does Le’Veon Bell keep trying to ruin my favorite football team’s season by being an idiot? - Jon Ross
Andrew Kraszewski: Most likely as personal, ongoing vengeance for your other preferred team not recruiting him as a tailback.
Only answer I’ve got for you is that pro athletes must have access to mind-bendingly good weed, because lots of them can’t help themselves. I don’t think there’s much dispute anymore that marijuana should be legalized, that it’s pointless for the NFL to prohibit it especially considering its analgesic properties for guys who essentially get hurt for a living, AND that it’s still clearly, obviously against the rules and Bell did it anyway. Plus, his latest suspension isn’t even for using - he just missed the test! Don’t you have a guy? A guy whose job it is to be like ‘hey Le’Veon, you gotta drop tomorrow morning’?
Will we see a return of faking injuries this year after a down year, or did Narduzzi take all the fakes with him to Pitt? - ChiHawki
AK: I know, right? Jonathon Strayhorn sold his injury so well that he sat the rest of the season after that game, just pretending to be injured!
My, my, though, someone’s still upset about something that (didn’t) happen several seasons ago. Why ever would a Hawkeye fan be butthurt towards MSU at the moment, I just can’t think of any reason - oh, I remember now. And congratulations, you both got a question answered AND got to choose the picture for this article :D
1) MSU has four rivalry trophies (Paul, Spit, Megaphone, Lazurz). Rank them. 2) I just moved to Ohio. Plenty of Buckeye fans, and a few UM fans (Penn State too, but the’re a little quiet these days), get ‘Little Brother’ and ‘Rotten state up north’ a lot. What else can I use to retort besides Windmilling and ‘Oh, he has trouble with the snap!’ remarks? 3) 2010 had Little Giants and Mousetrap. 2011 was Rocket. 2013 had The Stop. 2014 was The Block (Baylor kicker). 2015 had the Quick Six/Rangers. What will be the big play in 2016, who will it come against, and what will be the nickname? 4) Since 1988, what were your favorite MSU uniforms and what were your least? - KetteringLex
AK: Ugh, so many words. Here we go: Paul, Spit, Lazerz, Megaphone, in that order. I’m almost tempted to put the Spittoon on top because trophies should rightfully be trinkets with two modifying adjectives in the name, but it gets dinged because I don’t think either school or fanbase really cares much about it.
For the time being, why use anything else? Those retorts are timely and irrefutable, and whatever the outcome of those games this year, the shelf life on both is just about up. Ride ‘em while they’re valid.
I predict a Hail Mary attempt by BYU with a tie game late will be returned for a game-deciding pick six. It shall be dubbed the Fail Mary.
Lastly, I am partial to the uniform font we used in the mid-aughts, when I was in school, especially with the white unis, though I’ve mostly like the rebranded looks recently. The one exception was the bronze-and-black (not our colors, man) monstrosities we got for I believe the ‘11 UM game, which were diminished only by the fact that Michigan’s bumblebee outfits were even worse. Let’s stick those in the yard sale box and call it good.
Do MSU fans still harbor any bitterness about 2010 and/or 2011? Or has the success of 2013-2015 erased it all? - BradNortmansActingCoach
AK: Apropos name for that question, commenter. I personally wasn’t bitter about 2011, exactly, because as cheap of a way to end such a phenomenal game as that was, we got a chance to play it out on the field, at least. 2010 was always the gripe for me, but I can definitely say I haven’t given it much thought since Elsworth stopped Hewitt on 4th down.
Menna’s, or Conrad’s? - SpartanHT
Theio’s, you barbarian.
What kind of chips do Sparty fans prefer? - Boilerman31
AK: Thing is, you want the chip to be easily knocked off your shoulder, so you can interpret even more actions as disrespectful slights deserving a ferocious response. I would therefore go for your basic potato chip. Blue-collar, easy to bring in a lunch pail, lightly regarded by the chip recruiting services, fits into the program well.