I hate celebrating the accomplishments of the rest of the Big Ten when my team did so poorly. It's like being at a wedding when your fiancee just dumped you. Sure, it's great what you all did, but I'm pretty preoccupied with my own grief, and now you get to have what I'd hoped for. Congratulations.
Anyway, time to move on. Don't worry, those of you who find my despair delicious and nutritious, you'll get your fill eventually.
Offensive Player of the Week: Tommy Armstrong Jr., Nebraska Cornhuskers
Tommy Armstrong was a big reason the Huskers were able to pull off the prime time upset against the Oregon Ducks, tossing 3 touchdowns on 17/33 for 200 yards and adding 95 yards and the game-winning touchdown shown above on the ground. Touchdown Tommy seems to have improved his decision-making and looks like the type of leader that can inspire this Nebraska offense to greatness.
Honorable Mentions: Noah Brown (Ohio State WR) caught 5 passes for 72 yards. FOUR OF THEM WERE TOUCHDOWNS. Austin Carr (Northwestern WR) managed 6 for 135 and a touchdown, providing a rare non-Jackson offensive playmaker for the Cats. Sarcastic shout-out to Wes Lunt, who went 29 for 42 for 312 utterly meaningless yards. In a week dominated by sub-60% completion percentage (Chris Laviano 11/27, Tommy Armstrong 17/33, Wilton Speight 16/30, Bart Houston 10/18, Perry Hills 10/23, Clayton Thorson 18/39), Captain Checkdown himself refused to go over the middle and hit many many short routes on 3rd and long. His stat line looks pretty good if you didn't watch the game. With no running game to speak of, the Fighting Illini needed Wild Wild Wes to sling the ball downfield.TAKE A CHANCE KID! TAKE A CHAAAAANCE!
Defensive Player of the Week: Jerome Baker, Ohio State Buckeyes
Ohio State linebacker Jerome Baker devastated Oklahoma early with the 68-yard pick-six shown above. He added 7 tackles including a sack and a half as the Buckeyes racked up an impressive road win in Norman. The Buckeyes killed Baker Mayfield's hype train and made him look awfully human.
Honorable Mentions: Jabrill Peppers (you really need me to tell you?) racked up 9 tackles in Michigan's win over Colorado. Michigan State linebacker Jon Reschke got himself 8 tackles and a pick as Michigan State attempted to give Notre Dame a massive comeback win.
Sam Foltz Special Team Player of the Week: Jabrill Peppers, Michigan Wolverines
WOO WOOOOOO HERE COMES THE HYPE TRAIN! Created through combining the DNA of Charles Woodson, Deion Sanders and Dick Butkus, the Michigan Man from New Jersey put the game away with a 54 yard punt return touchdown shown above. He had a 55-yard kick return in the game, totalling 204 all-purpose yards on 2 rushes, 4 punt returns and 2 kick returns. One of the many bonafide studs recruited by Brady Hoke, Peppers is living proof that Michigan can't stop winning even when they're losing, and if their fans ever cry to me about the Hoke and Rodriguez eras again, I'll Harbaugh into my hand and throw it at them.
Honorable Mentions: Janarion Grant returned 8 punts for 112 yards including a 69-yard touchdown. Michigan in general has been great at blocking kicks, taking one to the house against the Buffaloes.
Play of the Week: Noah Brown Gets Ridiculous
Holy shit. That's one of the best catches I've ever seen. At this point, it became clear that the talent chasm between Ohio State and Oklahoma was too massive for the Sooners to overcome. How do you defend someone that can do this? It's absolutely insane and will almost certainly be our Big Ten Play of the Year when that happens.
Honorable Mention: There really aren't any. Some great plays embedded above, but goodness gracious I can't even believe that catch happened.
Fail of the Week: Cole Croston Allows C.J. Beathard to be Destroyed
This pick-six would prove decisive in a 23-21 loss for the Iowa Hawkeyes against FCS North Dakota State. On 3rd and 11, left tackle Cole Croston was bewildered by a defensive line stunt, leaving Bison linebacker Pierre Gee-Tucker with a clean shot at C.J. Beathard's blind side as he tried to get rid of the ball, which flopped into the hands of linebacker M.J. Stumpf. He would return it for a touchdown that would put the Bison up 7-0. Take away this score and Iowa survives.
Honorable Mention: Chris Ash in the first quarter of every single game; spotted Howard and New Mexico 14 and 21 points respectively. Shoutout to the Illinois Fighting Illini for being outrushed 287-3 by the Western Michigan Broncos. The bill finally came due for 4 years of Tim Beckman recruiting with a year of interim Bill Cubit recruiting on top of that.