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Sunday Morning Coming Down // Week 7

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Balloons Don’t Always Mean Good Times

Nebraska Football in one photo

Ten B1G Things

  1. Mike RiLLLLey’s Huskers were shut out 35-0 in the first half, which makes the second time this season that’s happened in Lincoln. Prior to 2017, that happened zero times in 20 years.
  2. With the obliteration of Nebraska, Ohio State moves to third on the all-time wins list, matching...Nebraska. OSU is also 5-1 lifetime against the Huskers (with Nebraska’s lone win coming against Luke Fickell). Shows you how good that Big 8/12 competition was.
  3. Since the Oklahoma loss, JT Barrett has completed 72% of his passes with 18 TDs and no INTs. He also became the most accurate passer in OSU history.
  4. The B1G West is currently sporting an impressive 2-8 record against the B1G East.
  5. The West’s only victories over the east have come against Maryland and Rutgers.
  6. Speaking of which, Northwestern’s Justin Jackson became the all-time leader in rush yardage at Northwestern, though you might’ve missed that while the broadcast had him speaking French in split-screen.
  7. How many QBs does Maryland have? Asking for a vengeful god friend.
  8. After throwing 11 of 14 plays in the driving monsoon last week, Michigan fed Karan Higdon to the tune of 200 yards on 25 carries (84 of them came on to snaps).
  9. We are at the top of the Griffin Oakes sine wave.
  10. 156 yard passing? 66 yards rushing? Welcome back to earth, Purdue.
  11. Jonathan Taylor had three times as many rush yards as the rest of the Wisconsin offense combined.
  12. So, are we just pretending that Lovie Smith is going to stick this out now or what?
  13. There’s no point in wearing mud-colored uniforms for the rain, Gophers. You play on turf.
  14. B1G Ref of the Week: whichever jackwagon overturned the NW muffed punt. Probably the same guy who uses the Pop-o-Matic Trouble device to determine what’s targeting.

The Rundown

Ohio State at Nebraska | OSU beats the carcass of RIley’s career 56-14

Not a whole lot to say about this game, other than that the “bench JT Barrett” crowd looks pretty darn dumb at this point. OSU racked up 500 yards of offense midway through the third quarter (enroute to 600+ total), and finally pulled the starters when the injuries began to mount. Nebraska’s only bright spot was the performance of JD Spielman, who took the one decent ball Tanner Lee managed to get off without a Buckeye in his grille 77 yards for the Huskers’ first TD. OSU has now outscored Nebraska 118-17 in two seasons.

Dead Read: JD Spielman set a school record with 200 receiving yards. Ohio State set a record with 41(!) first downs. They did not punt. I could list isolated Husker failures, but it would be pointless. The true reflection of the thoroughness of this ass kicking is that there is no particular position group to blame. Not only is Nebraska not good enough to compete with the Buckeyes, but It is difficult to envision a time when the Big Red will. (edited)

BigRedTwice: Hmm. Looks like they are who we feared they were when they lost to NIU. No pick sixes though! Really, no good to take from this game--it was as bad as all the stats and score looked. Next week is a bye week, and I'm pretty pumped for that!

I actually did stay to the end, and it got COLD. There is a weird conviviality among people who decide to stay through the end of a blowout. You all know you are watching something absurd and horrifying, and yet you've committed to viewing it together. The last quarter was consequently kind of fun, in spite of the horror show on the field.

(To be clear, yes, I know it would be more fun to win. I am not insane. But that is not the team I am currently gifted with.)


Northwestern at Maryland | Northwestern wins old-timey American football match 37-21

No, your eyes weren’t playing tricks on you. The black and white showdown in the old brick stadium actually happened in 2017. Thank goodness for all the empty yellow seats, lest you worry your TV had defaulted to grayscale. Justin Jackson the Ball Carrier™ tallied 171 yards and 2 TDs to become the all-time leading rusher in the long and tepid history of Northwestern football, and the ‘Cats racked up 500+ yards to earn their first conference win. Maryland wasn’t faring all that well before Bortenschlager sustained another minor injury, leading all 48 remaining fans to hold their breath at the thought of whoever the 4th string Maryland QB was (Caleb something? Who knows...he’s like Ensign Ricky on Star Trek...you know he’s not surviving). Zee German finished the night 17/38 with 3 TDs. He was also Maryland’s leading rusher with 34 yards. Yipes.

MNW: Someone send help for my colon. Oh my God that Chessie. But yeah. Justin Jackson the Ball Carrier is amazing, the defense is just good enough to hold off Maryland's 4th-string QB, and this way a positive development. After a shitty first quarter, Clayton Thorson didn't look completely lost, either! Progress! Bad football! A whole crab pretzel! Today had something for everyone.

DJ Carver: Andy Buh should be fired after that horrendously called game. The defensive line was not generating a pass rush against the NW line, so naturally he decides to play soft zone coverage all day to make that worse. All. Game. Long. I mean for fucks sake there are peewee league defensive coordinators that could have figured out to at least change the coverage they were playing. Oh and MNW should be complemented for finishing a Chessie and someone should also check on him because he might be dead after eating all of that

LPW: I'm much happier this week. Justin Jackson the BALLCARRIER is now the all-time leading rusher in Northwestern history, and he helped the Cats break a two week slump against the Terrapins. I'm happy with Clayton Thorson's performance, and Mick McCall remembering that Northwestern football is feeding Jackson combined with well-timed short passes to split up a defense and drive his opposing counterpart batty. GO CATS!


Michigan at Indiana | Michigan wins in horrendous overtime 27-20

Never have I ever seen an overtime period executed so poorly. After Griffin Oakes nailed a 46-yarder with the clock expiring to knot the game at 20, the In_iana _efense returned to its usual porous form and let Michigan’s Karan Higdon turn a broken inside run play into a 25-yard TD scamper around the left edge. The Hoosiers then treated America to the worst offensive play-calling imaginable, driving the ball to the 1-yard-line and then proceeding to roll their right-handed QB left not once but twice, failing in spectacular fashion. Somewhere, Tim Beck was smiling.

Graham Filler: ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Candystripes: Same fucking story, different fucking day. And it wouldn't be an IU-Michigan game without Michigan getting at least one (today featuring 3!) utterly undeserved call in their favor.


Purdue at Wisconsin | Badgers out-bungle Boilers, still win 17-9

As Martha Stewart would say, “insider trading is a victimless crime.” Wait, that’s not it. “Defense: It’s a good thing.” That’s more like it. The Badgers looked good early and then fizzled in cringe-worthy fashion, handing the ball over 3 times to a Purdue offense that has proven rather competent this year. Never to fear, the Wisconsin defense was up to the challenge. Neither offense impressed, with Hornibrook and Sindelar throwing for 355 yards combined (199 of which belonged to Hornibrook). The game was sealed in true B1G fashion, with the Badgers gnawing on the clock for 8:14 to close out the 4th quarter with a 77-yard drive that resulted in no points.


Rutgers at Illinois | Blind pig finds acorn 35-24

Imagine for a moment how the B1G’s stature would be improved if a singularity formed at midfield just long enough to swallow these two programs (cue someone lecturing in the comments about a singularity...don’t care, guy). Rutgers passed for 102 yards. Illinois rushed for 86 yards. Jeff George Jr. passed for 308 yards. Illinois had more yardage, more time of possession, more first downs, was net neutral in the laughable turnover battle (3 apiece), and lost by two scores. Amazing.

Thump: Fucking irredeemable. Everyone involved in illinois' effort this game should be completely ashamed. This is the worst football team I've ever seen at Illinois. The pilot light is out. The Lovie Smith regime will win one more game before everyone gets canned. Western Illinois next year. I hope


MSU at Minnesota | Sparty wins the battle of who can care less 30-27

Who wanted this game less? Minnesota, obviously. After a lightning delay, fans at TCF were treated to a fairly inept display on football on both sides of the ball. Brian Lewerke managed just 120 yards passing, bested by Minnesota’s (sort of) #2 QB Demry Croft. The latter matched Lewerke’s INT but pitched three TDs. LJ Scott proved to be MSU’s saving grace, rushing for a career-high 191 yards, and keeping the otherwise unimpressive MSU offense in the game. The Spartans ran for 199 yards in three quarters—which includes the 13:28 of possession they managed in the third quarter alone. Lewerke finished 9/18 for 120, while Croft tallied 163 and 3 TDs. The Spartan defense made all the defense, smothering Minnesota until Croft’s 4th quarter heroics gave Gopher fans everywhere false hope.

Ataturk Konstaninopleski: We wouldn't want anything to be too easy, would we? MSU dominated the game in every stat except the one that mattered, but were sure to gift Minnesota 13 points off of 3 turnovers, only one of which could reasonably be attributed to the bad weather. Then, they made something called Demry Croft look like Aaron Rodgers. The constant fuckups by offensive linemen who can't wait for the snap on 3rd and short, the continuing inability to cover over the middle, still being unable to put a kickoff through the end zone - these are infuriating little self-inflicted wounds that this team really doesn't have the skill margin to get away with. There were a lot of encouraging signs, but against a sharper outfit like Indiana, it's not going to be good enough.


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